contemplation

Grey's Anatomy: the bad and the good and the reality

2009-11-22T10:50:00.000-08:00

I watch Grey's Anatomy pretty faithfully. I have since the first season. Before that I used to watch ER. Generally, it's the interpersonal relationships on the shows that keep me watching. The soap opera of it all. This last week's episode made me mad and happy all at the same time so I thought I would write down a few thoughts.

The bad mostly consists of absolutely ridiculous medical practices. As someone who works in a critical care environment this almost makes me want to throw my television across the room. For example, this past week there was a young woman who had her heart removed (never heard of this, but it's probably been done somewhere) and was on bypass, meaning all of her blood was, theoretically, exiting her body and being oxygenated through a machine then circulating back in. There was no machine in the room. There were barely any IV pumps. Then to top it all off they had her awake, looking quite perky I might add, with oxygen going into her nose!!! AAHHHHH! this makes me want to scream. In reality, I took care of a girl who still had her heart inside of her this last week, but she was on bypass for various reasons. GIGANTIC machines in her room not to mention the 9 IV infusions to keep her comatose and to maintain her blood pressure and multiple other things. The lack of medical integrity on the show drives me crazy. Oh yeah and the lack of nurses. Seriously, how is this even possible? sheesh.

The good, however, is very, very good. It's not the interpersonal stuff actually. It's the reminder for someone like me that what we do within the walls of a hospital is very, very important. The lack of sleep, the emotional strain, the hours without peeing, sometimes the days without eating are all worth it. It really is incredible to be part of a team of people who work together to save a stranger's life. I'm not sure how it happens but a person completely unknown to us comes through the doors of the hospital and somehow crossing that threshold makes them important to us. And it doesn't matter if they are a gangster, a person who lives on the street or a wealthy politician. We will honestly work and work until there really is nothing else to do. Sometimes it turns out very well, sometimes it doesn't. I think Grey's Anatomy does a good job of portraying this. The emotional part. The "we will do anything to try to save your life part". I find myself reminded with each episode that what I do is important and that's not a small thing.

So, the bottom line is, if you find yourself with someone you love in a critical medical situation (I hope you never do) please know we will try our hardest to save them and give them back to you. But please also realize that the reality is nothing like TV. Patients are usually unconscious on purpose. They are on ventilators. They have a ton of IV's and other tubes and they can't talk to you. But we will use all of those things to get them better. Slowly but surely. And if we can't get them better we will try very hard to help you and them to have the best end possible. Because you are important, they are important and what we do is very, very important.

memory

2009-11-19T15:31:00.000-08:00

I just started reading Donald Miller's new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: what I learned from editing my life." He starts the book talking about how his friend Bob writes down everything he remembers as he remembers it. I thought to myself, "that's kind of inspiring. Perhaps that's what I should do with my blog for a while, considering it has been so uninspired lately." And strangely enough, last night I shared one of my elementary school disciplinary memories with my India team because we were talking about disciplining children and how you should and shouldn't do it.

So here's my memory. Clearly this is not how to discipline me 'cause it didn't work for the long haul anyway.

Grade three. Mrs. Healey's class. I thought I was all that 'cause I was in the advanced math AND the advanced reading and writing groups. I think there were only 5 or 6 of us in these groups. I also knew that Mrs. Healey really liked me for some reason. Probably because I was generally in a good mood and had blonde hair and blue eyes. So, picture this, I was talking to the girl behind me. Full on, turned around in my desk talking about how Ken and Barbie had been doing very naughty things in the Barbie motor home the night before or something just as important. I was chatting and chatting and chatting. Suddenly I realized that NO ONE ELSE was talking....at all. I look up at the front and there was my beloved Mrs. Healey standing, arms crossed, clearly annoyed at my social behaviour. I was devastated and embarrassed. I can still feel the lump in my chest when I think about that moment. I can still picture the posters at the front of the room. It was awful but it didn't really do anything to change my behaviour 'cause I'm still pretty sure that every report card, in every grade following, the number one comment was "Laura talks too much in class." Still graduated with a 3.9 though. I guess if I'd shut up a little more I would've achieved the elusive 4.0. Maybe if Mrs. Healey had used a different tactic.

so many thoughts

2009-11-15T16:22:00.000-08:00

Honestly, why do I go for a month without writing? It's silly because if you know me at all, you know I have a lot of thoughts that are just waiting to be expressed. I would probably write more if I didn't have such an extensive social circle. I am not complaining about having so many friends. In fact I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the beautiful people in my life. However, I am saying that all the stories I am currently living often get expressed face to face.

Here is a brief overview of the overlapping stories of my life:

H1N1 and everything else that comes into the ICU

Yes, this is actually a story in my life. It is my story because it is the story of many of my patients. And, as much as we try, it is impossible for us nurses to keep ourselves out of these strangers stories. I have left work more than once in the past week overwhelmed by tragedy whether it is related to H1N1 or not. More than once I wanted to write "tragedy, oh the tragedy" as my facebook status but I thought it slightly melodramatic. But there is not a better word to describe the chaos of my workplace right now.

India

Late in December I am going with 10 others to one of the orphanages my church sponsors. We will spend Christmas with about 100 children and teenagers who are either true orphans or who are left by living parents at this place because their families are too poor. Leading this team is slightly overwhelming which is probably good because it means I can't do everything by myself and I don't really want to.

Back when I was interviewing people for this team I was having supper with a group of people. They were asking me how the team was coming together. I said it was slow but sure. One of the girls at the table who was just an acquaintance said, "Well, I just like spending Christmas with my family." Me, being me, spoke before my filter went up. "Yeah I bet the orphans would like that too."

Social activity

If my life consisted of just the two above stories I think I would curl up in a ball and die. So, I engage myself in social activity. These activities have included movies, beer, dinner, coffee and a GALA! Fun! I got to wear a fabulous dress and my Nine West shoes and drink wine and eat appetizers carried around by servers who had towels over their arms. And I bid on a few silent auction items. The prize I wanted most was a room redecoration using all your own stuff. I was sure it was going to be mine but at the last second some guy named Allan G outbid me by $10!! I hope I never meet Allan G in a dark alley.

Jesus

Fortunately, the one story that does infiltrate all the other stories is my story with Jesus. Sadly, my story with Jesus has been very rushed. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing shout outs as I run past Him. "Hey! Thanks for being in this story! Gotta go". And He nods and smiles and shakes His head with a smirk and says "Oh Laura, why on earth did I make you like this?" No, actually He's saying, "I'm not part of this story. I am the story. Everything else is part of Me. Don't live it all trying to take Me along. Live all of these stories in light of ME. In the context of Me. It will change everything." And that's when I realize that the ease of life is Jesus shining down His grace and the struggle of life is His grace too.

So I will continue on in the stories that fold themselves around me and look at them in the light of Jesus. It makes getting up for work at 545 just a little easier or staying awake all night for that matter. It makes using my free time preparing to spend two weeks with orphans that much sweeter. And it makes the sweetness of the beautiful people in my life that much sweeter.

conversation with pharmacy

2009-10-12T21:43:00.000-07:00

Those of you who are my friends know there are two departments that make my days at work more interesting than they need to be. Those departments are the pharmacy and the lab. Today was no different. P=pharmacy M=Me

Phone rings

M-ICU, Laura speaking"

P-You're the nurse for patient S?"

M-Yes

P-We want to change the dose of the medication he's on. How do you feel about that?

M-How do I feel about that? I'm not sure I understand.

P-Well, how you feel about it?

M-I feel indifferent.

P-Oh. Can you ask Dr. W how she feels about changing the dose of the medication?

M-No.

P-No?

M-You can ask the doctor. Here's her pager number.

15 minutes later:

P-So I asked the doctor about how she feels about changing the dose and she feel fine so we changed it.

M-Great.

P-What times are you giving the med?

M-The times that the pharmacy put on the medication administration record.

P-Really? You're actually giving them at those times? (at this point I want to poke my eyes out)

M-Yes, I'm really giving them at those times. 1000 and 2200 like it says.

P-So the drug level that was drawn was it actually before the last dose was given?

M-What time was the drug level drawn?

P-925

M-Last time I checked that was before 10.

P-Oh, yeah I guess that's true.

M-Ok then.

kaiser wilhelm

2009-10-06T23:36:00.000-07:00

"Find me a woman who loves beer and I could conquer the world" Kaiser Wilhelm II

Oh Wilhelm how did we miss each other?

"It's a good thing he never met you or the first world war would have turned out a little different." David Bretherick

Surely there's another man out there who wants to conquer the world with a woman who loves beer. No world war necessary.

capitalism: a love affair

2009-10-04T21:24:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I saw Capitalism: a love affair, the new Michael Moore documentary. It was disturbing and interesting all at the same time. The main point of the movie is that capitalism will be the end of America and the country needs to reestablish itself along democratic lines. Moore really did show that each person exercising their right to vote does make a difference. When the masses work together they really can execute change. The movie showed the power of unions to establish fair work places. Moore also shows that true biblical Christianity and the message of Jesus do not align themselves with the conservative American right. That was refreshing.

In discussion following the movie we concluded that Capitalism really isn't the problem. Unionization and the assembly of the people are not the answers. Democracy is not the answer. The underlying problem is our selfish, greedy hearts and, as my pastor would say, the answer is Jesus and his ability to transform us. It sounds so Sunday School but really, if you really sit down and think about it, submitting ourselves to the transforming power of Jesus and His message could only result in good for us and for all those around us. Because we would then be walking in grace and putting others before ourselves, making sure the widow and the orphan are clothed and fed and doing all things out of love, standing up against injustice, loving God with all our hearts and souls and minds, loving our neighbours as ourselves and doing everything we can within our power to live in peace.

Now, I completely understand that that isn't reality and won't ever happen here on earth but I can do my part. I can work towards being a person who is everything listed above so my neighbour will be cared for. As a nurse, I can do everything within my power to make sure that universal health care remains a reality in Canada so that the street guy is in the room next to the politician and they are getting the exact same excellence of care simply because they are both human beings. I can allow the message and presence of Jesus to change me. I really do think it's my only hope.

should be

2009-09-27T12:58:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of "should be" around me right now. I should be cleaning my kitchen, changing my sheets, folding my laundry, adjusting things on my new bike, sorting through mail from this last week, paying bills, getting some exercise etc. But I can't right now. I'm distracted by the pit in my stomach. The pit that is telling me to sort through some of my thoughts. So here goes. Please bear with me.

God Grew Tired of Us. A movie about The Lost Boys of Sudan and how some of them were relocated to places in the USA. Two things stood out to me. First, they totally didn't get how the Christmas tree and Santa fit into Christmas. "Aren't we supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and His birth in our hearts?" "Is Santa in the Bible?" They talked about how, in their country, on Christmas Eve, they prepare themselves for Jesus to be born in their hearts. We prepare our fingernails to get the tape of our gifts without wrecking the Christmas paper.

Second, they never looked at their opportunities in isolation. Making money meant they would help the people back home or each other here. They lived fully in a sense of community. One young man spoke about how we, in North America, don't pay attention to one another and he used the word shame. "It's a shame you can't go to some one's house you don't know." "It's a shame that when you see someone hurting you can't just put yourself into their problem." (I'm crying while I write this.) It is a shame and we should be ashamed. We talk about boundaries and how we should protect ourselves and we create places of comfort for ourselves and we are alone. It's shameful and it's not what Jesus wants.

More and more I am thinking about how I use my time, my money, my words, my entertainment. It's not that I think any of those things are wrong or bad. In fact I like them all. But how should I spend it? How do I spend my life treating others? Do I notice the wounded or the joyful? Do I put myself into their problem? Do I rejoice in their joy? Ultimately, is God glorified?

None of this rambling really has any conclusion but the questions cause me to move further into the throne room. To ask bigger questions of an infinite God. To dialogue with my friends and to learn and change and grow.

Life is change. Growth is optional. It's up to you.

is anyone still interested?

2009-09-21T07:12:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone out there reads this anymore but if you do I apologize for my lack of blogginess over the summer. I'm not sure why I stopped writing for a while but I did. Now I'm going to start again.

Things I've been thinking over the past week or maybe month:

-Forcing myself to stay awake through the night needs to stop soon.

-It is strange how my heart and mind are transforming to see the difficult things in life as blessings and not only that, but to embrace and welcome the difficulty because it's all for a greater good. It is not strange that when I share this in various company it causes tension because, really, we want to be comfortable.

-sometimes the thing you think will break your heart, doesn't.

-cutting cable is proving to be undeniably freeing.

-I love Stuart Mclean and The Vinyl Cafe. There's a podcast so I can listen whenever I want.

-God continues to raise up a few who will speak difficult truth. My pastor Norm Westside Church Vancouver,BC, Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Seattle, Francis Chan, Simi Valley, CA. Listen to this sermon if you dare.

-just because I'm an extrovert doesn't mean I'm not okay with silence and solitude. Some people just don't believe me.

-it's funny how the same Bible story can make me cry every time I hear it. Especially when it reminds me that God's hand is working even when I can't see it.

That's just some of the stuff I've been thinking about. I know there's more. Thanks for reading,

-i really, really miss my bicycle.

fun

2009-08-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

On Friday evening a group of friends and I were out for dinner for the first part of my friend's stagette. We had drinks and food and a lot of fun. There were 16 girls around a big table. On the way out the door one of the waiters came to me, touched my arm and said, "honey, I've been watching you all night and you are FUN!" (add a flamboyant inflection) I woke up Saturday morning still smiling and that's why I haven't blogged for so long. I've been off having a lot of F-U-N!

forever and a day

2009-07-08T16:04:00.000-07:00

WOW! It has been forever and a day since I blogged. I haven't been out of town for any significant length of time, nor have I been infirm. I have just been incredibly busy. INCREDIBLY BUSY. Working lots. Socializing lots. Cleaning. Organizing. Laughing, crying, praying, worshipping. You know, the stuff that makes up normal days. The stuff of lovely, lovely days.

I've seen the movie UP twice in the last month. The first time was with my parents. We saw it in 3D. When I called my mother to ask if she wanted to see it in 2D or 3D this is how she responded. Pregnant pause, then, "Well Laura, why would you see a movie in 2D if it's offered in 3D?" How silly of me. The second time I saw it was with the kids at daycamp. I cried both times because it pulled at the heart strings of things that my heart longs for. My favorite line in the whole thing is when Russell is talking about how his dad and him used to sit eating ice cream and counting the blue cars and the red cars. He says, "I know it sounds boring but it's the boring stuff I remember the most."

Over the last month I've also been around a lot of death. I've had a lot of conversations about death and I'm overwhelmed by how different it is each time. (If you're reading this and don't know me, I'm an ICU nurse.) One of the deaths was my patient alone. His family couldn't handle what was happening and I couldn't let him die alone. So I sat at his bedside and held his hand until he took his last breath. The next one was an older Sikh gentleman with a gigantic family. More than 30 people filled the room and I had to navigate my way through all these people to give this man morphine as he needed it. Another death was doing CPR on a young man to keep him 'alive' until his family had a chance to say goodbye. Honestly I could go on and on because it has been a very tragic month.

Then last week my friend Rachel died. (See the previous post). She died at home with her family. I went to the Celebration of her life today and it was amazing. The church was full. Her family was strong. God was glorified and will continue to be. I watched as her husband and children walked out of the church and thought this family has done death exceedingly well. The situation sucks. These kids are young. Her husband didn't know that when he uttered,"'til death do us part'" that it would mean only 10 years in. But they have walked the road and will continue to do so.

I bet Rachel's husband and kids will one day say that it's the boring stuff they remember. The everyday dinner around the table. Stories before bed. The normal stuff. And I think they did the boring stuff so well that eventually they will all be okay. Totally different than planned but absolutely okay.

And if you're reading this and don't get it, please go to www.deathisnotdying.com

death is not dying

2009-05-12T09:05:00.000-07:00

A woman I know is dying. She is my age. She is beautiful. She is kind and generous and, from what I know of her, amazing. She is not really my friend but I know her and she knows me. In early March she shared her story in front of hundreds of women and I had the privilege of leading worship that night. The event took place at the River Rock Casino. I led worship at a casino theatre. Rachel talked about Jesus. Those things don't often go together but it happened and it was amazing. The event was called Death is not Dying. Since that night the video of Rachel's talk has circulated the globe and many people have found themselves touched by her story. Since then a website has been launched containing the video and some letters Rachel wrote during her first bout of cancer and a few from her current battle. Go there. Read and listen and allow God to transform you. Death is not Dying.

the power of a friend

2009-04-27T08:22:00.000-07:00

On Saturday afternoon I went to see The Soloist. It's a movie about a newspaper reporter, Steve Lopez, and a homeless man, Nathaniel A Ayres. Steve is looking for a story and stumbles upon Nathaniel playing a 2 stringed violin beneath a statue of Ludwig Van Bethoven in LA. As Steve researches Nathaniel's life a much deeper story unravels. A lot happens to both of them over the course of many months. At one point Steve thinks he can't handle his relationship with Nathaniel anymore and a bold person points out, "You CANNOT underestimate the power of being a friend."

I have thought about this quote a lot since Saturday. I have friends in so many stages of life. In so many stages of emotional stability. In many stages of spiritual maturity. But I am BLESSED with many, many friends. It breaks my heart to know there are so many people who walk around day after day without ever having a positive interaction with another human being. What must that be like? How does someone without anybody else get up day after day? They are made of greater stuff than I because I don't think I could do it.

So, if you are my friend, thank you. I love you deeply.

If you are randomly reading this blog and you don't have that deep interaction with another person and you are without any friends, please know that as I have written this, I have prayed for you. I have prayed that God will bless you with friends.

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.

Charlotte, in “Charlotte’s Web”

My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.

Lee Iacoca

me and my keys

2009-04-26T05:39:00.001-07:00

I think I may have to get one of those nerdy hip clips for my keys. ( see previous post titled Elevator April 4). Yesterday evening I went to the big bin outside my apartment building to throw away my old bike tires. I unlock the garbage bin and throw in the tires. I also throw in my keys. Either the dye that keeps my hair so lovely and blonde is beginning to seep into my brain or my keys are hankering for some adventure. I look at my keys in the bottom of the bin and think "well, I guess I could climb in there and get them" but I don't really want to do that. I could ask my friend who is putting the new tires on my bike, who is over 6 feet tall, to come outside and reach into the bin for my keys but he is being very helpful and I don't want to disturb. Then I look up. There at the bin next door is a guy. Dishevelled, a little dirty. Wearing a nice red hoodie. He's picking through the recycling bins and opening whatever lid doesn't have a lock.

"Hey buddy! do you think you could give me a hand?"

"What do you need?"

"Well, I accidentally dropped my keys into this bin."

"Be right there."

He secures his stuff and comes over. I point to my keys. He reaches in, grabs them and hands them to me.

"Thank you so much." I smile.

"You're welcome." He smiles.

It was a lovely interaction. I hope I see him again.

so exciting! and quite funny.

2009-04-21T23:06:00.000-07:00

We swept them clean! Not a dust bunny in sight and the Blues are getting ready to golf tomorrow. YES!! Sadly, I was not able to watch the goal that happened in the last 19 seconds of the first OT period 'cause I was in rehearsal for the worship team. It's still exciting to see it, even if it's just highlights!

On a funny note. This is a recent post on Postcards from Yo Momma and it made me laugh out loud:

I had a CT done today of my stomach. I’m sure it was fine but the patient before me was a possum from the zoo. I have to be the only person in the world that had to wait for a possum to go first for a medical test.

I can totally see this happening to my mom.

smooth barista

2009-04-18T08:44:00.000-07:00

On my way to work yesterday evening, I stopped at JJ Bean to get an americano. A guy I've met a couple of times was working so I greeted him with his name. He looked at me a little confused so I contextualized how we knew one another and a look of recognition swept over his face. We stood and chatted for a while and he asked where I was going.

"I'm on my way to work actually."

"what do you do?"

"I'm an ICU nurse."

"wow, that's cool. How long have you been a nurse?"

"More years than I care to tell you."

"It can't have been that long."

"Almost 15 actually."

"What? Did you start nursing when you were 14 or something?"

I think I'm in love.

so far so good

2009-04-16T10:14:00.000-07:00

My Canuckleheads came through! YES! First period was great, the rest a little boring but they won and that's all that matters. To quote my friends Facebook status, 1 win down, 15 to go.

I keep stumbling upon articles that say the Canucks have a good chance of winning the cup. Let's hope these experts know what they're talking about. Let's hope Luongo can stay healthy and focused. Let's hope that Burrows hasn't exhausted his goal scoring streak in the regular season.

I can't believe I have to work during the next game. So distracting!

cautiously hopeful

2009-04-15T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am going to the first game of the first series in the playoffs tonight. Canucks versus St. Louis. The Canuckleheads!! They made it. It was a little precarious for a while there and the whole city could feel it. What with waiting and waiting and waiting to see whether or not Mats Sundin would sign and whether or not it would make a difference. And Luongo and his groin injury. And some really terrible hockey at some points. Sheesh! They know how to stress a girl out but they came through in the end and won the Northwest Division! YES! And I get to go and help send them off into playoff land.

Yesterday at work I was reminiscing with a co-worker about previous playoff years. She went to the final game of the Stanley Cup finals back in 1982. I was in elementary school when the Canucks made a run for the cup against the New York Islanders. At the time their goalie was Richard Brodeur and he was amazing. Some radio station wrote a song called King Richard. I can still sing portions of that song. "King Richard, gonna help us win the cup, King Richard gonna take us to the top..." I remember being outside at recess and me and my friends would sing that song at the top of our lungs while playing tetherball. FUN!

Then 1994. Again New York, but this time the Rangers. Great hockey. Stupid rioters. Honestly, people are ridiculous. I don't really think they were upset about hockey. I think people riot and essentially throw adult temper tantrums 'cause they feel out of control and hopeless.

So, now it's 2009. We again have a great goalie. According to some NHL experts that is what matters. All teams that have won the cup have a great guy in the net. We also have two great offensive lines. Usually we only have one but now we have two! So, to quote the title of this post. I am cautiously hopeful.

stupidity and needles

2009-04-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Before I write about stupidity and needles, I would like to rejoice that my keys are back in my possession. Fortunately, one of the strata council ladies has a son who is an elevator repair man. He graciously came and fished my keys out from underneath the elevator on Sunday afternoon. YAY! I can now take out the garbage.

On to stupidity and needles. Safety and blood gets talked about quite a lot in my profession. We wear latex gloves when there is the possibility of coming into contact with bodily fluids. We have special garbage bags for things that are soaked in bodily fluids. We are especially careful with blood and blood products. Over the past 10-20 years manufacturers have developed a number of 'safety needles'. Most needles now have protective coverings that go over the needles once it's been used. The needle used to start an IV retracts into a sheath with spring loaded action after you hit a button. This is to keep the IV starter from ever coming into contact with the needle.

Apparently there have been some issues. The needle isn't retracting expeditiously enough for some or at all for others. The manufacturer just released an advisory, including the following statement:

if retraction does not occur or is slow, depress the button again and do not manipulate the exposed needle by shaking or striking the needle

Who would do this?!! Seriously. Shaking the needle would be bad enough considering it's probably got blood in it. But striking the needle? Honestly. What exactly would you strike the needle with? Your other gloved hand? No, that hand is holding the IV in. Perhaps your leg? Perhaps you could strike the needle on various objects around the room. The bed? the siderail? I don't know. But most companies don't issue advisories like this unless someone has actually tried it. I hope whoever that was keeps it to themselves 'cause I might just have a hard time with that.

elevator

2009-04-04T07:52:00.000-07:00

On days I work I am gone from my house for a very long time. I leave at 650 and usually get home at 830. If I decide to stop to grocery shop or run errands on the way home it pushes the arrival time to around 930 bringing the total time away from home to about 15 hours. Sooooooooo, last night, I grocery shop. I buy a relatively large amount of food 'cause I'm hosting a brunch on Sunday for 15 people. I drag all of my groceries onto the elevator and push 2. The door opens and I pull all of the bags off the elevator. My keys are in the pocket of my lululemon hoodie. The pockets are not that deep and as I lean over to pick up another bag, my keys slip out of my pocket and fall. Not that tragic except they fall down the elevator shaft. Yes folks, that's right, keys down the elevator shaft at 945 at night. Fortunately my friend Jonas has keys to my place. I wait in the hallway for about half an hour until he shows up with a huge grin on his face. He finds this incredibly amusing. I find it kind of amusing too. At some point I'd like my keys back. I knew there was more than just health benefits to not taking the elevator.

maternal thoughts

2009-03-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

HA! I bet the title of this post had you shaking in your boots. Boots. Unfortunately, we still need these here in Van City because it's freezing and wet and nasty. That was a tangent. So, I discovered this website called Postcards from Yo Momma. If you have ever had a conversation with your mother that has made you roll your eyes or feel like you'll have a great story for the next dinner party you attend you must go there. Here is a sample of what you will find: (Just to clarify, this is NOT me, it's a sample from Postcards from Yo Momma)

me: I have a date saturday
mom: with brian?
me: yeah bryan he’s so nice
mom: you know the 90 day rule?
me: 90 day rule?
mom: yeah no major physical stuff and no major baring of the soul. it was on oprah hahahah. men need time and women need to hold them off haahah
me: ok mom.
mom: some book called act like a lady and think like a man
me: ok I’ll think like a man just for you

friends are so lovely

2009-03-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

I saw this one night on the evening news. It made me teary in a good way and every time I've showed it to someone since I find myself welling up. It is so, so, so, so, lovely to be loved and to love. Even if you are an elephant and a dog:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjyb0t5Jm44

hubcaps and happiness

2009-03-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, my brother, sister in law, parents and I gathered to have lunch to celebrate my dad's birthday. I arrived before my brother so I parked in the left hand spot. My brother pulled into the spot to the right of me. I was already settled inside chatting with my parents when my brother came in and said, "what the heck happened to your hubcaps?!" I responded, giggling, "well, they're plastic and I've had them for a while. I guess I've gotten a little too close to the curb a couple of times." And, as all good brothers do, he repeatedly teased me about this throughout the afternoon. I have learned over my life that the best thing to do with teasing brothers is too not react, but I've been out of practice for a few years and so I kept laughing at him which I'm sure was very encouraging. When we were all leaving he said, "buy hubcaps on the way home!!"

Yesterday, I was at work, on a break and I could hear my phone vibrating in my bag so I quickly grabbed it and answered. The following conversation ensued:

"hello?"

"It's Simon. Are you at home tonight?"

"Not until after 8. Why?"

"I'm coming over. For about 10 minutes"

"Okay. Why?"

"I have something to show you."

"Well, do you want me to come to your place on my way home?"

"Sure. see you later."

"okay."

Well, being a girl and being me, I start to wonder, what the heck?!! My brother rarely calls me and he never comes over for 10 minutes just to show me something. Anyway, I show up at his house, knock on the door, go in and there he is with four brand new hubcaps. I throw my head back and laugh. We go outside, he puts the hubcaps on my car, I hug him and say, "thanks, that was a nice older brother thing to do." He looks at me with a little smirk and says, "I didn't do it for you, I did it for me" which we all know isn't true.

spiritual direction and grammar

2009-03-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

I am meeting with a spiritual director for the first time today. I am excited about this, especially after rereading her pamphlet. Continuing to grow and mature in my relationship with God honestly makes me a little giddy. What does He have for me? What will He call me to? How will He change me? How will He lead me? I love the quote at the end of the pamphlet.

"Put simply, life is a God-given opportunity to become who we are, to affirm
our own true spiritual nature, claim our truth, appropriate and integrate the
reality of our being but most of all to say, "YES" to the One who calls us
Beloved"

Henri Nouwen

On a completely different note. Today is national grammar day!!! It's a day to spell well, punctuate well and use words correctly!! YES!

what i've been doing

2009-02-24T17:24:00.000-08:00

It's been almost a month since I posted. For two of those weeks I've been on vacation What have i been doing for those two weeks you ask? Well, I've been:

reading
saving sheep
painting my apartment
throwing stuff away
having days of fun with friends
visiting a cheese farm
visiting a winery
teaching someone scrabble who speaks english as a second language
contemplating what it means to be loved with an incorruptible love
prepping to lead 500 women in worship
writing a song
laughing
crying
spending an entire afternoon with my pregnant friend sitting on a couch doing absolutely nothing except chatting and giggling
drinking coffee
knitting
absolutely loving life

Now on Friday i have to go back to work...

president who?

2009-01-31T00:18:00.000-08:00

My friend works at an inner city after school program. One day recently they were discussing the new President of the United States.

"does anyone know who Obama is?"

"he's the new president."

"does anyone know who the first president of the USA was?"

"George Washington."

"Can you think of anyone else named George who was president?'

"George Bush."

Then one of the kids wanted to ask a question:

"When was George Clooney president?"

Now there's a kid after my own heart.

the cleaning philosopher

2009-01-25T19:02:00.000-08:00

I spoke to our new cleaning lady yesterday. First of all, she was stunned I actually spoke to her 'cause generally, as stupid as this sounds, nurses don't converse with cleaning people, unless it's to tell them to clean something faster. Anyway, I digress. So, she was cleaning my patient's room and I said, "hello, I'm Laura, what's your name?" "Boujana (?sp)." " where are you from?" "Poland." "thank you for cleaning my patient's room." "it's my job." "well, I really couldn't do my job if you weren't here, so thank you." Our conversation continued beyond the necessity of the housekeeper. Boujana has been in Canada for over 10 years and feels very embarrassed about her english. I asked her what she used to do in Poland. She looked at me sheepishly and I told her it was fine if she didn't want to tell me, but I could tell she kind of wanted to. So I waited. She said, "I was a Philosophy professor at a university." Now she cleans floors and beds and empties gigantic garbage cans. She said she just doesn't look back because it's better here and her children are happy and they are all in school. She has four children. The oldest is 21 and the youngest is 12. She said they are safe and they will get jobs. She smiled at me and said, "thank you for asking me my name. thank you for asking me questions." I said, "you're welcome and thank you."

New Year

2009-01-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

As most people, I have been thinking about the last year and anticipating the year to come. In 2008, I bought a condo, travelled to India, worked through some difficult relationships, made some excellent new friends, said goodbye to others, witnessed some medical miracles, caught my first fish, danced at some weddings, laughed until I cried and cried until I fell asleep. I know Jesus a little more than I did this time last year and I am a little more changed.

Although I don't know what 2009 holds, I'm sure it will be full of beauty and sorrow, excitement and boredom, love and hate, expected and unexpected. Even though I don't know what this year holds I do know Who holds it. I take great comfort in knowing the One who knows all of my days before one of them even happens. Today, while making some goals for the year ahead I decided on some verses that will be my theme. Psalm 91:1,2. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Lord. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.'"

May 2009 be a year of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control for you, the ones you love and the world.

christmas

2008-12-25T08:58:00.000-08:00

This morning, as I lay in bed, I realized that I have been so busy this past month that I have barely reflected on Christmas and it's significance. I did see a play a couple of weeks ago that keeps resonating in my head. It was a one man show. The character was Joseph, Jesus' step father. It was moving and enlightening to think about the birth, life and death of Christ from the perspective of Jesus' step father. Most theologians would say that Joseph died at some point during Jesus' childhood because he isn't mentioned in the scriptures. Regardless, this Joseph made some beautiful observations. He was confused at the thought of God fathering a child but he knew the baby needed a father here. He longed to protect him and see him grow up well. Besides, he really did love the Boy's mother. He reflected on the time Jesus stayed behind with the priests at the temple when he was 12 and how terrified he was that his Son was gone. He talked about when Jesus started his ministry and how He just left one day. Joseph said his Son looked at him and said, 'it's time for me to leave' and He did. He left for three years and did miracles, healing people, hanging out with sinners, pissing off the Pharisees. His earthly father heard about his activities through the grapevine. He couldn't believe his son was being accused of being the Messiah. And that is how this Joseph thought of this. An accusation. Jesus didn't fit the picture the Jews had of the Messiah. He wasn't driving out the Romans and bringing freedom to His people. But He was, and is, driving out sin and bringing freedom to all people. All the things the Jews wanted this perfect baby, born in what seemed to be an imperfect way, to be, He is. He is all of these things, just in a completely different way. He is the King of Kings, He does drive out the enemy, He is the ultimate sacrifice, He is good news for all people, He is Immanuel-God with us.

When thinking about which is more important, Christmas or Easter, I am at a loss. Without the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus, there is no forgiveness of sins. However, without Jesus being born of a virgin, without sin, there is also no forgiveness of sins. So, I guess neither is more important than the other. It is a symbiotic relationship. He was born to die, and even received an embalming spice, myrrh, as a gift from one of the Magi. But He wasn't only born to die, He was born to live again. So, that is why today is so important. If He was never born, what hope would we have? If He was never sacrificed, where would we find forgiveness? If He never rose again, why would we long for heaven?

"'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David, a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord'...And suddenly, there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

'Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace among those on whom His favor rests!'"

too young

2008-12-13T10:12:00.001-08:00

Warning: This is not a happy story.

Although I see tragic things on a pretty regular basis at my job, I haven't lost sleep over a patient for a good 5 years or so. Until this week. On Monday I had a particularly difficult day. I will spare you all the details. First, because there are too many details to relay and two, it's too difficult to put all of the details into normal language. I'll just give you some highlights. The patient was a 21 year old woman. She came to hospital in the morning to the Emergency Room. She lost the ability to breathe properly around 1 in the afternoon needing to have a breathing tube put in. She came to the ICU around 4. She was dead at 815 in the evening after 5 cardiac arrests in 45 minutes. I walked out of work at 840 in a bit of a daze. The worst part of all of this was her family. These poor people brought their sick daughter to the hospital probably thinking she needed some antibiotics and a few short hours later she was gone. I can barely wrap my head around the flurry of activity. How on earth will these people cope? I have stood by many people as their loved ones die. Usually I have some semblance of a relationship with them. I had not even met most of these people and I certainly don't remember their names. Yet I ushered them into the room, "You must come in now. Quickly. Please, can you walk a little faster. We don't have much time. I want you to be able to say goodbye." We did CPR and bagged oxygen into her lungs so the she was 'alive' enough for her family to say goodbye. They cried and looked at us in disbelief. Our eyes got watery and our chests got heavy. And after a few minutes the room got very quiet. Nurses moved quietly but quickly to turn off machines so they wouldn't alarm. The Respiratory Therapist removed the bag from the tube going into her lungs. The doctor said, "we're done", then looked at the family and said, "I'm so sorry." They continued to cry.

Yesterday I had a long conversation with the doctor because I have relived this situation over and over as I try to fall asleep at night. Bottom line is she was incredibly sick before she arrived at hospital. Nothing could have been done differently to change the outcome. And intrinsically I know this. However, the knowledge doesn't help the hurt. It just explains it.

The best thing I can do is remember the times when we worked our asses off and the outcome was gloriously different. The mother of twins who nearly bled to death but didn't. The 15 year old who should be horrendously brain damaged but isn't. The father who was smoked by a car and essentially died twice who brought us a card and chocolates for Christmas this week three years after he was discharged from the hospital. The list goes on and on. That is why it is worth not eating for hours at a time or peeing until you just can't hold it any longer. That is why it is worth staying up all night on a regular basis. Those few moments when a former patient comes to visit and you can think, "I was a small part of that." What a privilege.

wanna cookie?

2008-12-09T08:55:00.000-08:00

I really want to post something amusing and light but I'm having a difficult time coming up with something. How sad is that?! So, maybe I'll just tell you what I'm planning to bake tomorrow for Christmas baking. It will be in my freezer so I encourage you to call me and invite yourself over. I will make tea or coffee and serve you yummy treats and we can stare at my Christmas tree while listening to Frank Sinatra croon some Christmas classics. It will be lovely!

This is what I'm baking:

Peanut Butter Blossoms
Turtle brownies
Ginger Snaps (the soft kind)
Cranberry Orange cookies

YUMMY!!

invitation

2008-11-26T23:25:00.000-08:00

My friends Steve and Evy run a retreat centre in the heart of Abbotsford. It's a beautiful peaceful place. Tonight they hosted an open house based around the theme of invitation. The rooms of the retreat centre were decorated in various themes. On the outside of the door there would be a sign that would say something like, "Will you invite Jesus into your dreams and plans?" or "Invite Jesus into your chaos." In the first room, the dreams and plans room, I couldn't get away from the question, "what exactly does it mean to invite Jesus in?" I think we spend a lot of time talking to Him and telling him about situations and asking him to fix situations but do we really invite him into the midst of the situation? I'm pretty sure I don't. Would things look a little different if I actually did this? Now, don't get me wrong, I think about Jesus all the time. I talk to him all the time. Then I turn to whatever it is that is important in that moment. But would that moment be different if I invited Jesus to come with me? Of course it would. To invite means "to request the presence or participation of in a kindly, courteous, or complimentary way, esp. to request to come or go to some place, gathering, entertainment, etc., or to do something." I think it takes the whole sense of prayer and supplication to a different level. Not only do I pray to you Saviour, Lord, Redeemer, Friend, I invite you into the midst of these prayers. Not only do I pray for resolve of this situation, a fulfillment of this promise, strength to get through this day, I invite You into the midst of it all. I guess this all culminates in the question, "Would this, or that, look different if Jesus was present in it? And, if so, how?"

I'm glad I went to spend some moments in silence inviting Jesus into so many areas of my life. However, I do find myself in the middle of many more questions now. I think that might be the point. To live in the centre of the questions with Jesus right alongside.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers that cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke

my favorite india moment

2008-11-06T22:57:00.000-08:00

Amidst the chaos, or shall I say mayhem, or maybe bedlam, or pandemonium, that is the traffic in India, I found myself in my favorite moment. We were at the end of a 10 hour drive into Ludhiana and we were slowly making our way to the hotel. This tuck tuck was suddenly in front of me. The women looked at me and I looked at them and we smiled. I held up my camera and they nodded. I took this picture. Then we looked at each other for a little longer, all the while smiling. As the tuck tuck pulled away they waved and I waved and I think we all knew that something special had transpired. I found myself praying for these women this afternoon as I drove to and from my parents house. Maybe I'm the only person who will ever pray for them.

imagine

2008-11-05T06:09:00.000-08:00

Imagine what it would be like to be someone who was told you could not go to a school because your skin was black. Imagine having to use a separate bathroom or not being able to eat in any restaurant you desired. Imagine knowing someone who had been lynched and burned and tortured. Imagine having a family history of slavery. Imagine hoping and wishing and praying that one day it would be different. Imagine being that person yesterday casting a vote, praying it will matter, and then seeing the results. I think the outcome of the American Presidential race means that there is hope that things can change beyond our wildest dreams.

poverty

2008-10-15T21:33:00.000-07:00

I have had the privilege of visiting various countries around the world. Mexico, Guatemala, Costa Rica, Burundi and on Sunday I am heading to India. One thing all of these countries have in common is there is unrelenting poverty while we North Americans continue to consume and increase in so many ways.

I think of this young boy often. I met him over a year ago for a few brief moments but his presence has marked me in a significant way. Because of poverty he is likely blind now. Because of poverty and it's claws he will likely not live a very long life. I'm sure this is the only shirt he ever wears and it will eventually fall apart around him.

Conversations at work often turn to poverty because I cannot keep my mouth shut when people complain in the midst of their wealth. To quote an old pastor of mine, "If you get to choose what you are going to wear each day, if you get to choose what you will eat, if you get to choose how you will spend your time, if you never worry about where you will lay your head, if you can find medicine to help with what ails you, you are wealthy beyond imagination." What will we do with that wealth in the midst of poverty that has taken hold of so many?

One way to help is to sponsor a child or organizations that help children. Over time I have had the privilege of seeing children I have sponsored come out of the cycle of poverty eventually attending university. Looking at pictures of 'my kids' over the years shows them growing and healthy. Although he or she is just one child among the millions, he or she is a child who will become an adult who hopefully changes the face of the nation they live in. Try sponsorship. It is worth every penny.

Here are a few links to take a look at:

child of mine

compassion

world vision

The Wrecking Crew and VIFF

2008-10-10T17:40:00.001-07:00

This afternoon I went to see a Vancouver International Film Festival (VIFF) film called The Wrecking Crew. It is about approximately 20 musicians who transformed Rock 'n' Roll in the 50's, 60's and early 70's in L.A. Occasionally I found myself shaking my head at the sheer genius of some of these people. Tommy Tedesco is the inspiration for the film. His son, Denny, made the documentary to honour and remember his father. However one of the highlights of the movie is the one woman, Carol Kaye, who played some of the most incredible bass lines in history. She is quirky and brilliant. All of the musicians are inspirational. I sat in the theatre and thought, "I need to quit watching TV to practice piano and guitar and saxaphone ALL the time."

Kudos to my cousin, Alan Franey, President of VIFF. The Wrecking Crew was one of his recommendations. He organized an amazing festival this year. The theatre I was in this afternoon was chock a block full. 20 years ago the festival was practically nothing. Now it goes for 2 weeks showing films at 9 theatres. The festival is sponsored by Visa, Rogers, Telefilm Canada and The Vancouver Sun.

My cousin is many years older than me. I remember as a 6 or 7 year old being at my aunt and uncle's house and Alan would be in the basement watching films being played from an old projector onto a portable screen. I would go down there and watch some of those films with him mesmerized by the clicking sound of the projector. The most striking memory was a documentary on birth. Really, no 6 or 7 year old should watch an artsy film on birth with full on nakedness but I was not embarrassed or traumatized. I was fascinated. I think I asked him to let me watch it again. It's funny that the direction of someone's life is so clear when you look back. Alan was always meant to do what he's doing now. From watching and showing films in the basement of his parents house to watching around the world and showing in Vancouver. If you missed the festival this year, keep your eyes open for the festival next year. It is well worth it.

amusing political discovery

2008-10-07T19:40:00.001-07:00

As passionate as I am about voting (see previous post) I do believe it's important to find some political things amusing. So it is with great pride that I announce that the Work Less Party's head office is about a 15 minute walk from my house. It's on Commercial Drive. Really, could it be anywhere else?

voting

2008-10-07T13:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at work some people from Elections Canada went around the hospital and asked patients whether or not they would like to vote. First, I am very impressed that Elections Canada does this. The right to vote is taken very seriously by our fabulous country. Second, I cannot believe anyone would say 'no' but they did. Do these people not understand what a privilege it is to vote? Do they not get that they actually do make a difference with their one 'x'? Having met many people who come from countries where they line up for days to exercise this right, it frustrates me to no end that there are people I know who don't take this seriously. Please, if you are a functional adult who cares about what happens in our country, whether it be health care or the economy or stewardship of the environment, VOTE. It's amazing that your opinion matters and it does. Besides, if you don't vote, you can't complain. That's what my Grade 9 social studies teacher said and I've never forgotten it. If you don't know where to vote go to this website and it'll help you out.

http://www.elections.ca/home.asp

parking karma

2008-10-03T11:14:00.001-07:00

I don't really like the word 'karma' but I can't think of another word that works. I mean I honestly have UNBELIEVABLE parking karma which is very valuable in Vancouver as parking tends to be difficult to come by. Or at least it can be very expensive. Take today for example. (Note it is only 11:15). This morning I go to my workplace to interview for a new job. I arrive in the general vicinity with about 7 minutes to spare. As I drive along I pray out loud, "oh please let there be a parking spot" as hospital zones tend to be a little busy. Sure enough there is an open metred spot right outside the door I need to go in. I park, dig out my wallet and go to the metre to discover there is still 1 hour and 7 minutes of parking left on this metre. AMAZING! Then I go pick something up from our church office. Parking spot right outside the door. This continues as I stop to do various errands this morning. Parking karma I tell you. I'll enjoy it while it lasts!

dates. the kind you go on, not the kind you eat.

2008-09-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

I have been on many different kinds of dates with many different men/boys.

Best date: dinner and a play with a really cute guy who had berated his friends for not introducing me to him earlier.

Worst date: Lunch with a guy who looked at me at the end and said, "I suppose I should pay for this." My biggest regret is not saying, "well, yeah you should 'cause it's going to be your only chance." A number of my male friends wanted his address so they could beat him up.

Blind date #1: A couple of years ago I was a faculty member at Trinity Western University. My students were quite distressed that I was not married yet and set to trying to find me a husband. Although the average age of nursing students at TWU is about 19, there was one mature student. She was in her 40's. She set me up with her brother. Now, I'm game for practically anything, but I did experience a little anxiety when I realized this person was 15 years older than me. We met for dinner at a nice place in Vancouver. He was an attractive man and a pretty good conversationalist. We talked about work and where we'd grown up. About our families and places we had travelled. He started talking about high school and how we have all made mistakes and I nodded in agreement wondering where this was going. He said when he was in grade 12 he had fathered a child. I nodded compassionately while frantically calculating how old this child must be now. As I calculated in my head he said, "Now I have three grandchildren." I seriously must have looked stunned. Calculating ages quickly turned to "holy crap, I can't be a grandmother!" which turned to me finishing the three bites of food left on my plate. He paid for the meal and walked me to my car. That was the end of that.

Blind date #2: My friends parents and this guys parents were in a bible study together. They all knew we were both single so it was destiny right?! anyway, we met at a Starbucks in Surrey 'cause this guy lived there and he didn't want to drive over a bridge. This should have tweaked a number of red flags early on. He got there first and bought himself a coffee before I arrived thus keeping himself from having to buy me a coffee. He then proceed to talk about himself for one hour and 10 minutes pausing briefly to ask me, "so why AREN'T you married?" I thought to myself at that moment, "well, I know why you aren't." Shockingly, I went out with this guy again. See 'worst date' above.

Hilarious highlight to this blind date is my friend's husband, who just happens to be the lead pastor at my church, drove by to make sure I was okay. (just to clarify, this was before Westside existed.) He came by in his minivan with his, at the time, 3 year old in the car seat. He went through the drive thru very slowly and says he stopped and stared at me for quite some time. I must have been mesmerized by my date 'cause I didn't even notice him. He laughed and laughed the next time I saw him.

Well, there are a couple of stories which often make me smile. I'm glad I took the chances I did otherwise there would be not stories to tell. If a blind date was offered again I would go. Who knows? It may just turn out entirely different next time.

devotion or not?

2008-09-19T23:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people's sense of devotion is a little over the top. I had an interesting conversation with the daughter of one of my patients and I can honestly say I am concerned about her definition of devotion. This lovely 40 something year old woman works 9-5 monday to friday and then spends the other 16 hours of her day with her elderly mother. EVERYDAY of the year. She does not have a family of her own, nor does she have any hobbies. Her mother is in hospital and she sits outside the ICU in the waiting room all day and night except for one hour when she goes home to take a shower. She lives 10 minutes away. I tried to get her to go home tonight so she could sleep in her bed and not in a chair. She would not agree to leave. I said, "leaving does not diminish the love you have for your mother. Your mother probably wants you to take care of yourself. How will you be able to care for her if you don't care for yourself?" As our conversation continued I finally said the thing I wanted to say, "what will you do when your mother dies? She is going to die one day, whether it's while she's in the hospital now or a year from now but it is going to happen. What will you do?" She could not answer me. I don't think she knows what she would do. Her entire life is her mother. I don't think that's what devotion to a parent looks like. I don't think that's what devotion to anyone looks like. I'm pretty sure devotion to someone else should make you more of the person you are intended to be. Devotion to another person should make you bloom like a flower not wither like a weed. I prayed for my patient's daughter as she walked away from me. I prayed that she would somehow come to understand that this life is a gift and that she would experience it to the full. I prayed that she would understand what love for her mother should look like. I prayed that she would be okay.

GREAT weekend.

2008-09-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

So I promise this post will have a much sunnier disposition than my last one! This has been a fantastic weekend. On Friday I was at a BBQ with most of the people I am going to India with. Then most of us headed to an art show of one of our team members. She is displaying and selling her photos in a chocolate shop called Cocoa Nymph. It's just west of Alma on the north side of 10th. You should go. Her photos will be there until my birthday. That's October 13th in case you were wondering.

Saturday was the pinnacle of the weekend. I was up early buying last minute items for the appetizers I needed to make. The day before I had done all of the baking so just the appy's were left. I tend to try making things I've never made before when people are coming over and Saturday was no exception. First time making hummus. It was pretty good. About three hours went by and all the appy's were ready. Then I had some company who helped me move all of my furniture around to accommodate the possible 30-40 people that could invade my 700 square foot apartment. Around 430 the guests started arriving. Slowly at first and then the tidal wave came. At the peak of the party I had about 35 people filling every corner. It was amazing!! I am so happy that this little piece of property I own is conducive to parties 'cause I really like throwing them. I really like the process of planning and inviting and preparing. Friends came from as far as Abbotsford to celebrate my home with me. I felt very loved. I received a LOT of wine. There are 9 bottles of unopened wine in my home so if you'd like to share some wine drop me a line or give me a call. I also received homemade preserves and the extension set to one of my favorite games. GREAT day!

Sunday was my church having an outdoor service right on the edge of the water complete with testimonies and baptisms. Inspirational stories of how God speaks to people individually and draws them to Himself. Five people shared their stories in front of hundreds of others in a public setting. Brave souls. Then they got dunked in the Pacific Ocean. I had the privilege of playing in the band. It was awesome.

Now I have to rearrange furniture and finish cleaning to prepare for the first night of my Small Group Community!

unbelievable

2008-09-10T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today I experienced one of the most condescending things a doctor has ever said to me. The worst part is he isn't actually a doctor yet. He's what we call an MSI-medical student intern. So, let me set this up. I was taking care of a man who had been in the ICU for a while. Strangely we're not exactly sure what is wrong with him. He clearly has neurological deficits that were not present before he came into the hospital. He is NOT sleeping. And I don't just mean not sleeping for long periods of time I'm talkin' full on insomnia. No sleep ever. We are doing rounds which really just means 9,000 people standing around talking about a patient and their progress. (We do this everyday, sometimes twice.) So rounds is going on and on and I pipe in saying, "oh yeah, he's not sleeping. Do you think you could order a sleeping pill?" to which the Attending physician says, "I'm not convinced sleeping affects the outcome of patients in the ICU" to which I say, "what?! so the single most healing thing our body does isn't actually that important". This then begins a long discussion between me and the Attending whom I have known for a long time. The discussion ends with, "well clearly you and I are not reading the same critical care research studies." THEN....from out of nowhere, the MSI says, "maybe you could just dim the lights at night." ARE YOU KIDDING?!!! Dim the lights? I never thought of that. Maybe I should turn my own lights off at night. Wow, that explains so much! So friends, if you are having trouble sleeping just dim the lights. The almost doctor says so.

lifeboat

2008-08-31T19:38:00.000-07:00

I had a very interesting conversation today about how we, as humans, tend to put ourselves in a hierarchy. It stemmed from the 'social experiment' at the end of The Dark Knight. If you haven't seen it and you want to you might want to stop reading here. So.... near the end of the movie the people of Gotham are being evacuated on ferries in an attempt to get away from the Joker's reign of terror. There is a ferry full of average citizens and a ferry full of prisoners along with some guards. The ferries suddenly stop working and the voice of the Joker comes over the intercom system saying "each ferry has a detonator that can explode the other ferry. If neither blows up the other I will blow up both at midnight." Of course this is said with much more bravado and an incredibly creepy voice. The conversations between passengers then begin. On the average citizen boat the argument is, "those prisoners chose their destiny. They've had their chance." On the prisoners boat, "It's what they would expect us to do." I won't tell you what happens to the ferries but I'm sure you've had a gut reaction as to what you would do.

The conversation about the movie morphed into the lifeboat dilemma and how people use other people as their measuring sticks. Then how we as Christians compare ourselves to other Christians instead of Jesus 'cause it makes us feel better. We talked about where all of this comes from inside of us. And it's an ugly place. It's a place that needs to be redeemed and transformed. Each and everyone of us has the capacity to justify the destruction of another based on human righteousness. There is always someone who is worse than us. There is always someone who is better. That is why the measuring stick needs to be perfection in the person of Jesus.

As we continued we finally realized that the only right answer, the only righteous answer, to the lifeboat dilemma is letting everyone else take a spot. Choosing to not have a spot at all. If that is our initial gut reaction then maybe, just maybe, we understand just a little what Jesus is like 'cause that's what he did. He gave us all a spot on the lifeboat even though none of us earned it. It's funny how when it comes down it this is where we end up. Vying for a place on the proverbial lifeboat when we don't have to vie at all. We just need to accept the place that is freely given to us. Now that's a little humbling isn't it?

home sweet home

2008-08-23T14:54:00.000-07:00

I am realizing that my inner being craves time at home doing domestic things like baking and cleaning. I believe this has a lot to do with how much I love the space I live in. Buying this condo is the best thing I've done in a very long while. Everyone who comes here usually says one of two things: "It's so peaceful." "It's so cozy." These phrases are usually uttered while looking around with a smile.

The journey to owning this condo was wrought with a little drama however. I remember looking at pictures of this place online that my realtor had sent me. I remember thinking "that place is probably gone already. I could never get that place." Then when I started looking my realtor brought me here and instantly I felt inside "I want to live here." I put an offer in. Then the drama began. Possession dates. Renegotiation of the price because of some inspector stuff. My realtor advised me to walk away. So I did. I was really sad. I started looking at other places while mourning the loss of this place. Nothing really seemed right. After a few weeks went by my realtor called and asked if I was still interested. The rest is history and here I am. Sitting on my new couch in love with my condo.

I guess the old adage about love is true about real estate too. If you love something, set it free. It will come back if it was meant to be.

morning

2008-08-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

I really, really hate waking up before 730. It's wrong. Waking up to cheery radio voices does not make 545 any easier. I think I need to figure out which nurse in history decided that we should all start working in the hour that starts with a 7. I don't like her at all.

nursey words and phrases I like

2008-08-15T01:20:00.000-07:00

Because I am at work I am surrounded by nursey language. Here are some of my favorite words and phrases. If you figure a couple of these out you might just be disgusted. I'll try to keep it tame.

Inspiratory wheeze
Precordial thump
insitu
empyema
purulent
neuro breath
ICUitis
loculated
self limiting
stat
code brown

One rather disturbing thing that all of us do is to describe various body fluids by equating it with food. Commonly used foods include:

vanilla pudding
mustard
rotten sour cream
red juice
prune juice
There are many more but I fear you may never read my blog again.

Finally, this next list is some things that all of us who have been nursing for more than 10 years can relate to. All of these phrases start with, "you know you're a nurse when...

You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
You find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery waiting lines.
When checking the level of orientation of a patient... you aren't sure of the answer.
Your bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water tank
Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural
You've told a confused patient your name was that of your co-worker and to HOLLER if they need help.
You don't get excited about blood loss... unless it's your own

a conglomeration of information....hey that rhymes!

2008-08-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

First of all I would like to confess to all who care that I ate McDonald's cheeseburgers last night. yes, it's true. I just couldn't fend off the niggling desire any more. A girl will relent after a good 3 or 4 months of persistent cravings. And, oh my goodness, it was delicious. Confession over. Let's move on.

Shooting stars are beautiful. Lying on a blanket with a good friend watching shooting stars is even more beautiful. Somehow being outside late at night brings out great conversation. I love honest conversations. I love silly conversation. I love talking about Jesus and how He's changing me and hearing about how He's changing others. I really love that Beth has an inspiratory wheeze when she's laughing heartily.

I found out yesterday that unexpected people read my blog. It was very heartwarming. Sometimes it feels like I write these words and send them out into cyberspace and no one really cares. Thanks for reading! And if you'd like to leave a witty, or not so witty, comment that'd be great.

Yesterday at work I was taking care of a particularly sick patient. It was me and two of the docs in the room for a good 3 hours just doing procedure after procedure. One of our senior residents is a smallish guy with a big heart. We had to pull the patient up the bed so she was in the right position for one of the procedures. This smallish doc offered to help me. "1, 2, 3" We pull her up and the patient moves about 6 inches up and over towards me leaving her at an angle in the bed. He looks up at me and says with a smirk, "clearly there is a power differential here." Oh the light moments in the midst of the chaos!

Two weeks ago, before I went to Terrace, I got my new couch complete with a movable chaise lounge. Unfortunately the legs for the movable part didn't come with the couch. They are coming today!! YAY for being able to lounge comfortably!

Sometimes when I look at my calendar for the fall I feel a little panicky. How will I get this all done?! But I always do and it's always fun.

Okay friends, thanks for reading this mess. I'm sure I have even more thoughts that just aren't surfacing right now. They will probably come to me in the middle of the night at work tonight. Now I must clean my house. As my mother always said, "It's not going to clean itself you know." They make self cleaning ovens. Why not self cleaning apartments? Now there's an idea!

silly girls

2008-08-08T15:37:00.000-07:00

For the last week I've been in the middle of nowhere. I'm not being facetious when I say that. I've driven a lot of roads that have a had a lot of signs that say, "check your fuel 'cause there's no gas station for a really long time." Okay, the sign doesn't say that exactly but you get my drift.

It has been a glorious week. Dave, Karla and I drove to Terrace in a little over 15 hours which is incredibly good. I ate KFC in Smithers which seems to be becoming a tradition 'cause I did the exact same thing last year. We went straight to Karla's family reunion at a campground pretty close to Terrace for two nights. On Monday me and Karla drove to Kinaskan Provincial Park (Dave left earlier with his Dad). To pass our time, 4 hours, we chewed a lot of Hubba Bubba, blew bubbles and cracked our gum. And we looked for bears, which we saw.

When we arrived at the campground, the lovely, manly men set up our tents so Karla and I could go fishing. We went fishing at 930 in the evening 'cause the sun doesn't go down until well after 10. It's actually still light enough to see at 11. Now I haven't fished since I was 8 so really this is my first time. David gives me a quick tutorial on the fishing rod and off we go. We canoed for a little while to find a good spot and about 20 minutes in I catch one. I reel it in and Karla gets it into the net. It's a decent sized rainbow trout that's flip flopping away in the bottom of the canoe. For some reason both Karla and I start screaming like little girls which quickly descends into uncontrollable giggling followed by screaming whenever the fish jumps. We start to paddle furiously back to shore which is very difficult to do when you are laughing uncontrollably. Because sound travels so unbelievably well on a lake, strangers are coming to the shore and yelling, "just kill it!" to which Karla responds, "I just can't!" while I continue to laugh. We can both see David standing on the shore shaking his head. Mercifully David kills the fish and then proceeds to clean it for me. We ate it about 30 minutes later cooked with onions, lemon and butter. Scott's specialty.

In the next few days I will post pictures of our adventure. It was beautiful and peaceful and exactly what I needed to calm my soul. It was good to be away from email and phones. It was good to rest in Jesus in the midst of His creation. It was good. And there is more good to come. The next few weeks, months, years are full of good things I am sure. Sometimes it just takes getting away from all the goodness to have eyes to see how good it all is.

thoughts in the middle of the night

2008-07-28T00:36:00.000-07:00

So I am at work and on a break and felt like I wanted to write some stuff on my blog because it has been a long time. also, Beth grunted today when I said, "I haven't blogged for a while." Beth grunting is motivation enough to post so here goes.

We went out for lunch today. Me and Beth and her lovely friend. We went to The Five Point which is a fabulous pub. On the menu it said, "if your brunch takes longer than 45 minutes it's free." I noticed this and thought, "it just can't take that long." Well, I was wrong. We sipped our beverages and waited. When the clock struck 2, almost an hour after ordering, our food appeared. Our waitress acknowledged it took too long and said our meals would be free. Then I started eating my delicious burger. As I got to the center of my burger I noticed it had a decidedly pink hue. Well, it was actually raw. So, after a 45 minute wait, my food wasn't even cooked. But we got EVERYTHING for free!

On a completely different note, as I am at work I am having lots of thoughts about my job. I am blessed and honoured that I get to be a nurse. In what other job do you get to cry with, laugh with, comfort, bathe, medicate, hold, read to, sing to, pray for, treat, advocate for people and keep them safe? Where else would I encounter the strength of emotion and compassion that keeps me awake all night so that somebody else makes it through the night? I remember hearing someone say, "the world would be so perfect if no one ever got sick or if there was no poverty" etc. That world would be more cold and more selfish than this one. If there was no sickness or poverty, or any kind of need, none of our hearts would ever be motivated to think outside of ourselves.

friends and refrigerators

2008-07-05T08:49:00.001-07:00

I have been in my new home for 5 days now and I love it. It is bright and airy and peaceful. I love living here. Friends have come by to visit which makes it even better. The only thing that has bugged me is my refrigerator door. The door opens the wrong way. Or at least it did until last night. I had decided I would just live with it until I lamented in front of my friends, "I wish this door opened the other way." In about 30 seconds Dave and Aaron had grabbed my tools and had the refrigerator and freezer doors off. They handily switched the direction of the door and now my place is perfect. Here are some pics to commemorate the event!

my 10 things

2008-06-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

10 things you might not know about me. Inspired by Beth.

I am afraid of needles. Getting them, not giving them.
I used to eat sugar out of the sugar bowl with a spoon when my mother wasn't looking. It was more about getting away with it than it was about the sugar.
From grade 4 to 8 I would write a will before summer vacation would start. Maybe I should get one now.
I won the district scholarship for saxophone.
Bach is my least favorite composer to play.
In grade 8 I got beaten up in the swimming pool change room on the second to last day of school by three very mean girls.
I have dated two guys 10 years younger than me and one 10 years older.
Grandparents are not part of my memory.
Currently I am silently protesting paying for something related to my Nursing license.
I have been craving a Quarter Pounder with Cheese for approximately 3 months but I have successfully thwarted the temptation so far.

read my friend's blog

2008-06-23T12:31:00.000-07:00

Please, please, please read Brandon's latest blog entry. I dare you to do it without getting a little choked up. I also dare you to not think a little more clearly about your own life and how out of whack this world we live in is. But there is hope and somtimes it comes in the form of water from a spout. Read his blog and you'll understand what I mean. The link is to the right. Brandon in Burundi.

It's been a while

2008-06-11T21:57:00.000-07:00

It has been a little while since I've written and a few people have pointed it out. So here I am writing. And I'm not really sure what I will say. Maybe that's a good thing. In fact I am in the middle of a situation that isn't really what was expected or dreamt about but may actually be the best thing. That is yet to be determined. I am trying to find great pleasure in the unknown and the unexpected. It really does make life so interesting. I'm reminded of a great quote. Here it is:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not seek the answers that cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually without noticing it live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Here is something that was totally unexpected but makes me giddy if I think about it or tell someone the story. So here goes. A few weeks ago my friend Dana asked me to play some keys on her album. Then she asked me to sing some background vocals. It was fun and exciting and entirely new. During that whole process the lead vocalist Melissa asked me if I wanted to play in her band. Then she asked me if I wanted to do a little singing with her. Then she asked, "are you free on July 18th?". I said, "I could be. why?" "well, there's a gig at the Railway Club." In about 60 seconds I went from playing a little on my friends EP to playing a gig in a club in downtown Vancouver. How did this happen?!! It all started by saying 'yes' to the unknown and the unexpected. How could life get any more interesting and exciting?

change

2008-05-27T08:21:00.000-07:00

While on vacation last week I went for a drive in Waterloo. As I drove I thought and prayed and allowed myself to really feel what I was feeling, I realized that there have been a lot of difficult changes in my life over the past 6 months. Changes in relationships, both good and hard. Upcoming changes in living space which I'm sure will bring other changes. Changes inside of me and outside of me that all swirl together to either make me laugh with giddiness or, more often it seems, cry. As drove I spoke out loud to God, "do you actually love me? do you actually care about me and all these things going on around me? do you actually plan to do anything about all of this?" A Smart Car turned in front of me. I looked at the back of it. There were two bumper stickers. "Jesus loves You" and "God has plans for you". As much as part of me wants to shrug that off as coincidence more of me knows it was God and His gift to me.

lump in my throat

2008-05-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

Things that have brought a lump to my throat in the past few weeks:

riding my bike through a rainfall of cherry blossoms
the death of my 30 something patient
the visit of my former patient, a walking miracle, and her parents
the hug of a friend
seeing the city in glorious sunlight rising up from the water
a sunset at English Bay
a significant spiritual conversation
playing Bach
celebrating a birthday
watching my mother make faces at a frog at the aquarium
seeing my Dad use a walker
laughing out loud with friends
hearing the voice of Jesus say, "peace be still"

Global Rich List

2008-04-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

I just found this website from a link on the blog of a friend. www.globalrichlist.com Go there. Put in your annual income and be astonished. I discovered I am the 55, 287, 298th wealthiest person in the world. Now that may not sound that great but when you think that the world's population is about 6.6 billion people my position in the top 1% is sobering to say the least. It makes my heart ache and I'm not sure what to do. Maybe the guy outside pushing his cart down the lane needs a few bucks or at least a couple of empty bottles.

lovely, lovely friends

2008-04-16T08:35:00.001-07:00

For the last few days I have been sick. Sick to the point of needing to lie down after taking a shower or making tea. That kind of sick. I have watched an exorbitant number of movies. I have fallen asleep during most of them.

However, there have been some beautiful moments in the midst of the fear of swallowing. And these moments all have to do with my friends. They are lovely, lovely, lovely. From the frequent phone calls to dropping by to spending time with me to homemade chicken soup and fresh baked bread. These are people I do not deserve nor have I earned. They are the highlights of my life and I love them all.

george

2008-04-05T22:53:00.001-07:00

If you ever come to my house you will find a small picture of George Clooney in a frame on my refrigerator. You will also find a picture of George with his good buddy Brad on the wall along with pictures of my friends. These pictures always spark conversation. Some find it amusing that George has earned a place of honour in my home. Others are slightly disturbed by his presence. Maybe even a little annoyed. The latter are usually male. My Dad has always enjoyed feigning irritation with me and my mother being so enamored with him. George will always be my star crush who makes me a little weak in the knees.

I saw Leatherheads tonight. I really enjoyed it because it was goofy and made me laugh out loud. There were a couple of scenes where I sighed. This made my friend Beth laugh at me. This picture is from the movie. Now I ask you, what girl wouldn't want to ride on the back of that motorbike? Especially when it would mean she'd get to hold onto him. Sigh.

childhood memory

2008-04-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I made a new friend. See above picture. This lovely lady always seems to be sitting in the same place near the Coal Harbor entrance to Stanley Park. So I sidled up beside her and my friend Beth took our picture.

One of the highlights of the day however was finding this stuff. Some of you may remember The Pop Shoppe. When I was a little girl with long blonde hair in pigtails, my dad used to take me with him to The Pop Shoppe. He would get me up on his shoulders while he pushed the cart around this warehouse full of cases of every flavor of pop you could imagine. I would exercise my leadership skills and choose the pop we should have from my 6 foot vantage point. My favorite, by far, was Black Cherry. Today while walking down Denman I noticed a sign that said, "Pop Shoppe available here." No way. I walk in and ask, "do you have Black Cherry?" "yes. it's in the top case." I squeal quietly with delight and then look at the man and say, "I think you're my new best friend." he smiles and says, "that'll be $4.24." I happily hand it over and take my pop. Fortunately Beth didn't have to put me on her shoulders to facilitate pop selection.

my favorite flower

2008-03-18T22:12:00.001-07:00

Have you ever gone to a corner store intending to buy yourself your favorite flower just because it makes you happy? Have you ever gotten to the counter only to have the man in front of you say, "Oh, you shouldn't have bought me a flower?" Then after explaining you were actually buying the flower for yourself did the man say, "no girl should ever buy a flower for herself" only to plunk the money on the counter? Has that ever happened to you? Well, it happened to me...today...at the corner store...and this is the flower.

wisdom

2008-03-16T15:38:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I spent the afternoon with my mom. We went to White Rock and I took a few pictures. This was one of them. The pier at White Rock is quite long and leads to a beautiful view. My mom and I walked along the pier and talked. We always have good conversations. Being 72 she has acquired a lot of wisdom, but I'm pretty sure she also has the gift of wisdom as far as spiritual gifts go. When I was in a situation and I just didn't know what to do she said, "I guess you shouldn't do anything yet then." When I found myself worried about the same thing over and over she said, "what would happen if you loved Jesus first instead?" When I was doubting whether or not things would work out in the best way possible she said, "I've doubted God in this too but the other day I found a note that said 'from someone who loves you' and I felt like it was God reminding me He loves me. I think he's trying to remind you too. And that's what matters isn't it?" She's right. That is what matters.

This morning, Passover morning, our pastor reminded us that this coming week is the most important week in the Christian calendar. It is the week when Jesus walked that long road to the cross. He went from popularity to persecution. From freedom to the weight of sin. From earth to heaven. We went from brokenness to wholeness. From torture to peace. From time to eternity.

When I think about this week in light of my circumstances I am humbled by how easily I get swayed from this truth. How easily my thoughts are consumed by things that don't matter in the end. Jesus loves me. He loves you. "For God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16.

glasses

2008-03-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

I've decided if I want to become a serious writer I need to get some glasses. While attending a writing workshop yesterday I was intrigued by the women in the room who were wearing glasses. They would have their glasses on while writing. Then during discussion they would remove them and hold them in their hand. Gesticulating was more profound because of those glasses. And somehow whatever they were saying seemed that much smarter. Knowing myself as I do, I think glasses are the answer I'm looking for.

last night

2008-03-05T09:36:00.000-08:00

Last night I was walking home from a friend's along 12th Ave. As I got near the corner of Spruce and 12th I saw a dog sitting on the grass and I said out loud to myself, "That dog looks a little odd." In an instant the dog lunged at me in a full on rage, barking and snarling with his teeth bared. My heart was in my throat and adrenalin surged through my veins. "NO! Don't bite me" as I kicked my leg out at him. Fortunately, the dog's teeth did not meet my flesh and he skulked into the bushes. I crossed the street and proceeded home. Even now this makes my heart race a little.

stay to the right

2008-02-26T17:49:00.000-08:00

Stay to the right. It's a phrase that could keep us all from some potentially dangerous and/or embarrassing situations. For example, when the ambulance is flying down the road with it's lights on and sirens blaring...stay to the right. When you are on the highway and you aren't passing someone...stay to the right. When you're going in for that first kiss...stay to the right. Finally, when you are at the grocery store, like I was today, and someone is approaching you with a fully loaded cart...stay to the right. It would just make everything so much easier.

a hug

2008-02-25T01:32:00.000-08:00

On Friday night I spent the evening with a few other folks handing out food and socks and clothing to homeless people on the streets and in the alley's of Vancouver. One pair offered us a laptop. Another man offered his life story. Another man we found binning had piercingly beautiful eyes. I think if he shaved off his beard he would be one of those men you look at twice. As the evening came to an end we approached a couple of guys who both had overflowing carts likely containing all of their worldly possessions. I asked one of them if he wanted a pair of socks which he took. He then looked at me and said, "Can I have a hug?" To which I responded, "no". He said, "aw come on" and something inside of me broke. "Okay". So I hugged him. Rather, he hugged me. Surprisingly he smelled like cologne. The polite amount of time past and I released my arms to back away and he kept hugging. At first a little bit of panic went through me and I said, "you can let go now." He said, "uh huh". But he didn't let go. One of the other girls I was with said, "hey! let her go." Reluctantly he released me. "thanks." "you're welcome." I wonder how often he gets hugged? How often does he even have someone touch him in a positive way?

My heart is a little sad that my first response was "no". I'm sad that I have been conditioned by society and my humanity to resist that from someone like him. A homeless person who has chosen out of circumstance or necessity to live outside the realm of normalcy. At least what most would consider normal. He is a person who is of equal value to me and you. He has the same blood and organs as anyone else. He likely desires many of the same things you and I desire. To be loved and cared for. He has a soul and a spirit. He is valuable simply because he is. Had I chosen not to hug him I would have reinforced to him that he is undesirable and unworthy when in fact the opposite is true. Sadly, I hesitated. Gladly, he was hugged. I hope I embrace the next opportunity with a resounding yes. Yes! I will hug you or feed you or clothe you or visit you because you are and that is enough.

pray

2008-02-21T09:44:00.000-08:00

In the movie Shadowlands, which is about C.S. Lewis' twilight romance with Joy Gresham, he says something profound about prayer. He says, "I pray because I have to. I pray because I have no other choice. Prayer doesn't change God, it changes me." This statement resonated with my soul because it's so true. Praying brings us into alignment with the Almighty. It calms our souls and directs our paths. It helps us to understand what is happening presently and to give us hope for the future. It's what Philippians says, "the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

cupcake

2008-02-15T22:03:00.000-08:00

Today, two of my coworkers and I got into the patient transport elevator after making a trip to Starbuck's. All three of us had steaming cups of coffee that filled the elevator with a fantastic aroma. One of my coworkers had also purchased a cupcake. There was a patient on a stretcher who looked up at me with some longing. I said, "I'm sorry we're on the elevator with this wonderful smelling stuff." He said, "It does smell good but I'd want donuts with my coffee." "Well, all we've got is a cupcake." "Honey, you're the only cupcake on this elevator." Big grin and a wink from the stretcher. Big grin and a thank you from me.

posting request

2008-02-13T23:06:00.000-08:00

Certain friends have noted that it has been a few days since my last post. I do not think I have anything nearly as witty to say as my friend Beth and her suggestions of butterscotch pranks. I am not sure I have anything witty to say at all. However, because certain friends want me to post I think I will report a couple of scores from recently played games. I only do this because I continue to be on the longest losing streak in Monopoly against said friends. I bet I could be in The Guiness Book of World Records for successive losses at Monopoly. We should be keeping better tally. I digress. A couple of weeks ago I won Ticket to Ride with 156 points. My friend, who laughs maniacally when it is clear I will lose at Monopoly again, only got 81 points. Please note that my score came close to doubling his. Tonight, while playing Scrabble with the other friend I got 312 points and she got 260. I love that I have this blog where these scores will be catalogued forever.

crosswalk

2008-02-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

About 840 this morning I crossed the street near an elementary school. A girl around 12 years old held out a stop sign so I could cross the street safely. I looked at her and said, "thank you." Then I chuckled to myself. What a great moment at the beginning of my day.

attraversiamo

2008-01-31T17:44:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love. I know, I know it's popular and trendy but sometimes things are popular and trendy for a reason. This book isn't a handbook or a how to book. It is simply a woman's story about a year in her life where she found some healing. The first portion of that year was spent in Italy. She spends time in Italy learning italian because it is a beautiful language. Her favorite word is attraversiamo. It means "let's cross over". People say it to each other when they are walking down the street. Attraversiamo. Let's go to that side instead. She likes the word because it sounds beautiful. I like the word for it's symbolism.

Imagine walking down the 'street' with someone you love and you want to go to the other side but it's just too much to do alone. Attraversiamo. Let's cross over...together. Or better yet. You want to cross over but you just don't have it within you to say it. The person you love and who loves you says it. Attraversiamo. They say it because they know you and they want to walk to the other side with you. It's beautiful isn't it?

conviction

2008-01-26T15:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was listening to a sermon while I drove in rush hour traffic. It was on Philippians 4. The title was The Guide to Joy in Anxiety. The preacher made a statement that has been resonating in my brain. He said, "Anxiety is not a state to be managed. It's a sin to be repented of." He pretty much reached out through the CD player and punched me in the head. He went on to say, "If you let anxiety rule you, you are declaring anxiety to be Lord and we all know the truth. Jesus is Lord." I realized in that moment that I have been repeatedly negating Jesus' rule in my life. That's why it says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition present your requests before God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7.

The other thing that struck me this week happened while I was reading a poem. Ron Reed, who is the director at Pacific Theatre, has a blog called Oblations. The current post is a poem by Wendell Berry. The second paragraph says:

So, friends, every day do something that won’t compute.

Love the Lord. Love the world.

Work for nothing.Take all that you have and be poor.

Love someone who does not deserve it.

Denounce the government and embrace the flag.

Hope to live in that free republic for which it stands.

Give your approval to all you cannot understand.

Praise ignorance, for what man has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Do I do something everyday that doesn't compute with this world? Do I?

hills

2008-01-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

I suck at hills. Today Karla and I went for a bike ride through downtown, around English Bay, stopped at Starbuck's, rode around Science World and up the hill to home. I approached the hill and thought, "cake". Halfway up the hill I found myself rapidly gearing down cursing the 3 remaining blocks until reprieve. I made it to the top but wondered if my quads would rebel tomorrow in Pilates.

Riding up the hill caused me to think about figurative hills. We all have hills. Short steep hills that just need a little more muscle and a couple of deeper breaths. Long, steady hills that never seem to end. "oh my gosh is this ever going to end?" But it has to end some time. There has to be reprieve. There has to be a flat space where the pedalling can stop and you can just coast. The flat part may not last long and it's just there to prepare you for the next inevitable hill.

I've thought about trying to ride around, both figuratively and literally, without ever going up a hill. It's mostly possible but it's not very challenging and it certainly doesn't result in much. There is no sense of accomplishment. No sense of improvement. No sense of danger. No need for faith. In the long run I guess I need hills; physically, spiritually and emotionally. I guess that's why the bible says, "consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James (the brother of Jesus) 1:2-4

who knew?

2008-01-10T08:17:00.000-08:00

Who knew vacation could be almost as tiring as work?!

Highlights of my 9 days off so far:

1) spontaneous dinner, games and American Gladiator gathering with Dave, Karla and Brad

2) cycling faster than I thought I could 'cause the bike has been a little neglected this fall

3) spontaneous prayer with Steve and Evy

4) writing

5) quitting my job at VGH (okay, that was last week...but the joy of the decision lingers this week)

6) shopping at Superstore during the day, during the week.

Highlights yet to come:

1) movie with my roommate. Yes it will be a cheesy romance...we both need a little shot of unrealistic hope.

2) bridal shower for a girl from the ICU

3) dinner for Aaron's birthday

4) Beth staying overnight and Sabrina making us crepes on Saturday morning!

5) Caracasonne with Jill and Colin

6) Paul's birthday

7) lunch with my parents

8) unexpected spontaneous things and people and situations

Honestly I wish I could be independently wealthy....

coffee

2008-01-05T13:16:00.000-08:00

I love coffee. In fact I am drinking a cup of coffee while writing this post. What do I love about coffee? I love the taste. I love the warmth. I love the smell. Especially when I open a brand new bag of coffee and pour it into the air tight canister I store it in. That is a wonderful moment. I do not like milk in my coffee. It must be cream. And I have finally determined that I like a little bit of sugar. I have tried a few times to eliminate sugar from my coffee but there is no point. I like it and that's the way it will be. Just half a teaspoon. At home I drink coffee in one certain mug. It's white with a navy blue stripe around the top. I wash that cup by hand every day so I can have my coffee in it.

Some people will say that coffee isn't good for you but there is much evidence to the contrary. There is no link to cancer or diabetes. There is no evidence it's bad during pregnancy. There are lots of antioxidants!! If you care to take a little quiz about coffee you can visit http://www.coffeeandhealth.ca/

If you like coffee too let's have a cup together. I'm not working for the next 9 days so I have lots of time.

oblivion

2007-12-29T22:32:00.000-08:00

On Christmas Day I hosted 10 people for dinner. My aunt and uncle were among the crowd. They are both in their 80's and live on Saltspring Island. They are both independent and function very well. They drive a Pathfinder. Somehow the topic of driving came up and my aunt said, "oh, I'm not a good driver at all" which is a completely true statement. It's a wonder she has never had any major accidents. She got ticketed in California for failing to merge at an adequate speed and had to be coached via loud speaker by the Highway Patrol man how to merge properly. I'm not sure what he thought she was going to do once she reached intended speed, but that was about 20 years ago and she's around to tell the tale. The key to her driving success is her complete oblivion to the other drivers around her.

Her oblivion has also served her well in other ways. She told us a story of when her and my Uncle were in Fiji. She took a multi day trip on a small boat to some remote islands. They anchored off shore and took some smaller boats in to explore for a while. Once the exploration was done she decided to swim back to the main boat. My aunt is an excellent swimmer and has incredible endurance in the water. she said the boat didn't seem too far away so off she went. She said she was a little more than halfway back when she could hear some people yelling in "what seemed to be a frantic tone. I stopped and treaded water for a few seconds and realized they were yelling, 'sharks, sharks!'" "I looked back at the shore and thought, 'that's a long way to go.' so I just kept going." the whole time she's telling this portion of the story she's making small breast stroke motions just above her plate with her fork dangling in her right hand. There is absolutely no trace of panic or distress in the tone of her voice at all. "The captain was very angry at me when I finally made it back to the boat. He just kept saying, 'why did you do that? did you see any of us swimming? why did you do that?'" Auntie Margaret kind of giggled at this point and said, "I knew I could make it to the boat. It really wasn't that far." 8 of us are staring at her in disbelief while my uncle just keeps eating his turkey. Oblivion is a beautiful thing.

gifts

2007-12-17T20:53:00.001-08:00

The other day at work I heard a conversation. "What's the point of all these gifts?" "yeah, I know. Every year I buy crap for people and I'm never really excited about it. It seems so pointless." I'm not sure how the conversation ended but it got me thinking.

I love to give presents. I love to find things for people that I know they will love. The joy it gives my heart to watch someone open a gift they aren't expecting is worth every penny I spend. I also enjoy receiving gifts. It's fun and heart warming to receive something from someone simply because they love me and thought of me.

Often the gift is more reflective of the giver than the recipient. How much time and effort was put into the gift. How well they know the person receiving the gift. How deep the emotions are for the person they are giving to. So much is wrapped up in a gift.

At Christmas we remember a significant gift. The most important gift. God the Father gave His Son to the very world He created. Jesus, came in the form of a helpless baby and gave Himself to the people He molded. To the people He knew before they even breathed their first breath. He gave Himself into the hands that would one day bind Him to a tree to pay for the sins of those He made. He, God incarnate, subjected Himself to full dependency. He needed to be fed, changed, taught and protected.

We give gifts to remind us that He gave the ultimate gift. I think if we remember that then giving gifts does mean something. It means we understand, even a little, how to love someone.

switch a pic

2007-12-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

"who wants to work on a picture together?" she asked. "No wait, we should all start pictures and then switch every 2 minutes and see what happens." So that's what we did. Crayons in hand we all started to draw. some random. some intentional. Ding! switch your pic. Quickly there were aliens floating in the sky and care bears in a grave yard. The pictures were colourful and eclectic. But we all had our hands in all of it.

It's fun to see what happens when you let someone else draw on your picture. It's so much more than you ever imagined it could be.

rainbow

2007-12-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

Oh how I wish I had my camera so I could show you the sight I saw right at the end of today. A beautiful, perfect rainbow arced high in the sky. The color was brilliant. It was so easy to delineate the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. I stood at the patient's window with a big grin on my face. "what do you see that's making you smile like that?" "It 's a rainbow. A really beautiful rainbow." My impulse took over and I kicked the brake off the bed and rolled her bed to the window so she could see it too. We both looked out the window. I sighed. Faintly I heard, "thank you." "you're welcome."

Because the rainbow represents the promise of God to never flood the whole world again my mind went to that story and all the promises He has made. A former pastor of mine said, "when you hear the promises of God it's as good as hearing history." In other words, the promises of God are so true and so sure that we could write it in a history book for all to see. I sit here thinking of all the promises I know. Promise of eternal life. Promise of life and life to the full. Promise of a hope and a future. Other promises that God has whispered into my heart and my ears.

Thank You for the rainbow. Thank You for Your promises. Thank you for keeping Your promises. Thank You.

alternative driving

2007-12-01T00:45:00.000-08:00

As I was walking home from buying new shoes today I saw a sight I had never seen before. A man, driving a car, very well, with his left foot. All decorum within me fled and I stood on the corner watching him drive slowly by with the steering wheel between his big toe and his second toe. I stood and watched as he turned left into the lane. It was a sight to behold. He was driving with his foot because he had no arms. amazing.

panic and relief

2007-11-23T15:05:00.000-08:00

I experienced panic and relief in the span of about 45 seconds today. I had breakfast with a friend. Then I got on the bus to make it to my next social engagement which was coffee with another friend. While on the bus I realized I would make it to our meeting place a little early so I gave her a call. I put my cell phone back in my jacket pocket. I pulled the string on the bus to get off at the next stop. About 10 seconds after I got off the bus I put my hand in my pocket....NO PHONE!! surge of adrenalin, increased heart rate. Crap! I left it on the bus. I turned around and realized the bus was at a red light. I ran toward the bus and got to the front of the bus as a very nice man was handing my phone to the bus driver. I tapped lightly on the window and yelled, "It's mine! It's mine!" The very cute bus driver threw his head back, opened his mouth and laughed out loud. He opened the door and handed me my phone. I said, "thank you, thank you, thank you!"

waiting

2007-11-16T08:57:00.000-08:00

Waiting is difficult. I am not very good at it. Yesterday was particularly hard for me. I found myself spontaneously starting to cry because I am tired of waiting. In my soul I would say to God "what is the point of all this waiting?"

Now I could tell you about how I can see that in waiting I see things that I would never have seen should I not have to wait. Or how waiting helps me to be patient. Or how certain experiences in my relationship with Jesus would never have come about if I didn't have to wait. But I'm not going to tell you that.

I asked God "what is the point of all this waiting?" and He said, "I'm doing things you know nothing about."

hearts

2007-11-10T19:00:00.001-08:00

This past week has been a journey of hearts. Hearts that have been broken. Hearts that have been filled. Hearts that are changing. And hearts that are focusing. Oddly, none of these hearts are mine but I have been deeply affected by all of them.

I have never had more people in my home who have sat on my couch and weeped. And I have wept with them. It is difficult to know how to help someone when their hearts are broken. I can't heal their hearts even though I would love to do nothing more.

I have watched some of my friends in the anticipation of new love and new life and I have smiled along with them. Truly, there is nothing as joy inducing as watching someone potentially fall in love.

I have seen people who are shifting the paths they are walking and have been in awe as their hearts are changed. Shifting paths are sometimes difficult but always worth it. It makes me long to continue to walk in the change in my own heart.

I have watched my friends who are navigating a new path in life and are learning how to make it all work. They are focusing their direction toward one another. I think the focused heart is the most poignant. It calls for a tearing away of the unimportant. It calls for consciously choosing. It calls for sacrifice.

May all our hearts be broken and renewed and shifted and focused.

squash extravaganza!

2007-11-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

When I arrived home from writing class I checked my messages. One of the messages was from my delightful friend Karla who had come up with the idea to cook various types of squash just to try them out. I jumped at the idea. So at 6pm, with squash in hand, Karla arrived at my house. Sarah Jane, a former student turned friend, had been at my house all afternoon visiting and she was game for squash night too. The cooking began. Fortunately I have recently purchased some Henckel knives which made cutting the squash a lot easier. In the long run we had spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce, an acorn squash stuffed with Spanish rice and baked with mozzarella and another kind of squash that I can't remember the name of just baked with some spice. DELISH!! The first pic is of Karla and I wearing toques I knit (I'm on a toque knitting frenzy). The second pic is my plate of squash before I ate it. I'll be sure to invite you next time!!

fun, fun and more fun!

2007-10-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was fantastic. I don't think it would be possible to pack more fun into three days. My weekend began on Friday. I had a cinnamon bun and coffee with my friend Beth. The more I get to know Beth the more I like her. She is fun and funny. She is thoughtful and wise. She has fabulous curly hair and a wonderful smile. Beth invited me to a ceilidh. That's pronounced kay-lee. Essentially it's a Scottish square dance. I loved it and my calves, right at the top just below the knee, have been on fire for the last three days. The flames are starting to dissipate now, thankfully.

After coffee with Beth, my friend Jonas and I went to Value Village to buy him a Halloween costume. Jonas is from Switzerland and he has never celebrated Halloween before. I dressed him up as a mad scientist, wig and all. He's a really good sport. I also took him to JJ Bean for an americano. This was his first americano from JJ Bean. It was fun to watch him drink it. The day progressed to dinner at Andi's then the ceilidh.

Saturday began with my writing class and ended at Fright Nights at Playland. Me, Sabrina, Luc and Jonas dressed up in our costumes (I was a pirate wench) and hung out there all evening and laughed and screamed and had a lot of fun. I think one of highlights of the evening was the hilarity surrounding the caramel apples. You know how you have a caramel apple at a fair in the summer and it's soft and delicious? Well, it doesn't work that way in October on a clear night in Vancouver. The four of us got our caramel apples and tried to bite only to discover that the caramel was as hard as a rock. Then I had a bright idea. There are heat lamps everywhere!! The caramel will soften and it will be just like the middle of the summer!!! Well, the caramel softened but it was still only 5 degrees outside.

The haunted houses, the hellevator, the roller coaster and Luc screaming his head off were worth every penny of the admission price.

Sunday was church and tea and scones with my parents. Karla, Beth, Sabrina and I went and had real English tea and scones made by my mother. Sitting with British people drinking tea and eating scones is the way it should be. It just makes the entire experience more real. My mum's scones also reminded me why I really don't like store bought ones. It's just not the same.

Getting up for work wasn't that difficult this morning when I thought about how great my weekend had been. I was actually thankful I had a job to go to.

kindergarten memory

2007-10-26T16:02:00.000-07:00

A few minutes ago I was thinking about kindergarten. I was 4 when I went into kindergarten, not because of my brilliance, but because my birthday falls in the last quarter of the year. I remember my teacher, Mrs. Sinclair, who had long, flowing dark brown hair. I often wanted to touch it. Her hair looked silky. She had the same last name as our principal and even in kindergarten this did not pass us by. "are they married?" "do they love each other?" "Will they have babies one day?" It turns out they just had the same last name. End of story. Kindergarten was more an exercise of learning self restraint for me than anything. Waiting my turn in the sand area. Waiting my turn at the water station. Waiting to answer the questions Mrs. Sinclair was asking. Waiting, waiting, waiting. What took people so long to come up with the answers anyway? It was soooooooooo obvious. In my first report card Mrs. Sinclair wrote "Laura's extensive leadership skills sometimes come across as bossiness on the playground." How poor Mrs. Sinclair must have poured over that sentence. She probably thought, "How do I tell these parents that their daughter is annoying the heck out of all the other kids by telling them what to do?" She needn't have worried. My poor parents were very attuned to the fact that I was bossy. I think they knew I'd figure it out in the end. My mom was wise enough to know that, deep down, having friends was more important to me than telling people what to do. I would also like to inform you that in my final kindergarten report card Mrs. Sinclair wrote, "Laura has effectively learned how to hone her leadership skills on the playground. She is a happy and delightful child to teach." I think she was just relieved to send me to Grade One.

thoughts

2007-10-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

I've had a few thoughts today:

1) I really like my new roommate. In fact, I love her in the purely platonic sense of the word. There is no telling how happy it makes me that she likes to clean as much as or more than me. Not to mention that her mere presence makes me smile. She's the bee's knees!
2) Small gestures speak volumes and there have been a few small gestures in the last couple of days that have made my heart sing.
3) My new turkey chili recipe is a keeper. YES!
4) I like cookies a lot. I especially like them when someone else bakes them and leaves them at my house.
5) My friend Beth makes me think. Perhaps she should be mentoring me instead of the other way around.
6) It's unbelievably difficult, and I dare say, impossible to love God and love people on my own strength. I am truly thankful for Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Where would I be without them?

beauty

2007-10-19T14:14:00.000-07:00

As I pull up to the intersection my eyes go to the lady decked out in yellow. Yellow rain coat, yellow rain pants, yellow construction helmet. Red stop sign. She appears older than she probably is because her skin is weathered. Her hair is damaged from a few bad dye jobs and it is pulled back into a ponytail with an ugly black scrunchy. Who thought of the scrunchy anyway? I am drawn to her because she is drawn to the strikingly beautiful woman walking across the street in front of her. This woman is perfectly put together and she is not wearing a stitch of yellow. Beautiful black leather boots, dark wash jeans, wool pea coat and a lovely scarf draped perfectly. Her umbrella poised above her pretty hair. The lady in yellow watches this other woman for a fleeting moment. As she watches, her hands reach up to the collar of her rain coat and I see her straighten the fleece jacket she has underneath the slicker so the collars of both coats are aligned. It is her one attempt at beauty. Underneath all of that rubberized clothing she is still a woman and she still wants to be beautiful. Even while standing on a street corner in the pouring rain flipping a sign from stop to slow she longs to be beautiful. And she is beautiful to someone even if she doesn't meet the "criteria" for beauty. She is beautiful simply because she is and there is beauty in everyone.

birthday frivolity

2007-10-14T14:40:00.000-07:00

Every year my birthday just seems to get better and better. Generally, I end up having a birthday week. This year it all started on Monday at Thanksgiving dinner at my parents. Pumpkin Pie AND cake. It was delicious! As the week went on I got various birthday wishes culminating in celebrations on the actual day!! Saturday my day started with my writing class which I am loving more and more each week. Then I had lunch with my new roommate Sabrina and coffee with my friend Kveta. Shopping at RW&Co. because I got 25% off on my birthday. I got some nice new tops and a lovely new coat.

Then Saturday night happened. Around 6 (some of my friends have issues with the clock) my friends began to arrive with delicious things they had cooked for me. There was tomato and bocconcini salad, shepherd's pie, zucchini casserole, tomato and mozzarella dip, homemade foccacia bread, cheese biscuits and more stuff I'm not remembering. It was delicious!! As we finished the meal our evening transitioned into a spontaneous round of "would you rather..." lead by my friend Beth. The pinnacle 'would you rather' was, "would you rather have your knee joints bend the wrong way or have your bumb in the front?" Envision that for a moment. Is there really a choice there? Eventually, after much deliberation, I chose the knees.

The next game was creating an answer to a theme. The first round was, "what would you have gotten Laura for her birthday if you could have?" Everyone would then hand their answers in and we all had to guess who had written what. The next question was, "What do you think the title of Laura's book should be?" The final round was, "What would you be totally shocked to see Laura wearing?" Clearly, I was the theme for this game and I liked that. I think some of my favorite answers were "Confessions of a beer slinging nurse" "Speed skating suit." "Soft helmet" "a ring with no diamonds". I'll leave it to you to figure out which category those belong in.

The best part of my birthday is spending time with the people I love and those who love me. I love the cards people buy and the sentiments they relay. Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so special. I love you all.

hardly strictly

2007-10-09T19:41:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I spent two and a half days in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco with about 50,000 other people at the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival. You can see some of my new friends in the picture above. We listened to the sweet sounds of bluegrass and other beautiful music. I loved it. Neko Case, Gillian Welch, Emmylou Harris, Buddy Miller, Ricky Scaggs, Earl Scruggs...I could go on and on. Charlie Louvin is an 80 year old man who is apparently a giant in the bluegrass world. The guy still has stage presence. The Sadies are from Toronto and the lead guys are two brothers. For the last half of their set their mom and dad sang with them. I kept wishing I could get invited for Christmas. The sing alongs would be fun! The entire festival was unbelievable and it was all FREE!!

Eight of us travelled down to San Fran in two vehicles. Me, Kenton, Kathleen, Chris, Tim, Patrick, Lorraine and Brett. My car and Kenton's parents van made their way down 1600km of the I-5 overnight on Thursday. This picture was a common sight when I would look out the front window. And the picture below is driving into the city. This is the Bay Bridge. If you haven't been to San Fran you should go. It's great. The people of San Fran are incredibly friendly and helpful. It's pretty easy to get lost in San Fran but someone will kindly help you get on the right track again.

On Sunday evening our group split. 3 of us drove home overnight and 5 stayed behind. My new friends Patrick and Tim and I all wanted to get home for thanksgiving dinner. So off we went on the 16 hour drive home. Inadvertently we drove over the Golden Gate Bridge which we were not supposed to do but we did, much to Tim's delight. It is a pretty impressive structure. Even though our diversion took us in the wrong direction we quickly fixed it and found ourselves on the I-5 heading north. The crazy thing is I can get onto to the I-5 at any point between here and Mexico and drive straight north without having to turn until I get to the street I live on. When you cross the border at Peace Arch the I-5 turns into the 99 which turns into Oak Street. One right hand turn off of the street and you're at my house. This was a weekend for the history books. I will never be the same again.

sign of jonah

2007-10-04T11:45:00.000-07:00

If you read the post before this you will see that I thought my friend Vanessa would give birth to her son Jonah on my birthday which isn't until the 13th of October. God had other plans. Jonah arrived last night at 220. Safely, healthy. Vanessa and Brian are holding their baby in their arms and fully in their hearts. As someone looking in from the outside, I think the early arrival of Jonah is merciful and gracious toward Brian and Vanessa. They were both afraid. Afraid that the same thing would happen again that happened last time. Afraid that this baby they were longing for would be taken from them at the last second. So God gave him to them a little earlier than anticipated.

The story of Jonah in the bible becomes a metaphor for Jesus hundreds of years later. Jesus himself refers to the sign of Jonah. That he will be gone for three days and then rise again. Jonah was in the great fish for three days; Jesus was in the tomb. Both were given new life and as a result many others were given new life. In Jonah's case it was the people of Nineveh; with Jesus it IS the whole world.

With new baby Jonah I think God is speaking to us. He is reminding us that there is new life all around. He is telling us that stories do continue past tragedy. Those stories can be full of joy and life to the full. May we all be able to see God speaking to us through other's lives. May other people be able to see God through us. We are all stories of life and, hopefully, life to the full.

My heart is full

2007-10-01T07:07:00.000-07:00

What a fabulous weekend. Celebrating my friends birthday, starting my writing class, participating in a "mother blessing" and getting my house ready for my new roommate.

Writing class is great and I am excited to see what could be accomplished in 8 short weeks. Of course there is the quintessential person with very few social graces who has difficulty interpreting the mood of the room. I am trying to find it amusing. Maybe I will share some of the shorter pieces I complete in this format. There was a discussion about whether or not blogs were considered creative non-fiction and the teacher said blogging was more free and not as thoughtful as true creative non-fiction. I may introduce her to some of my more thoughtful friends who blog and blog well....Brandon and Beth.

Saturday afternoon a group of women got together for a "mother blessing" for our friend Vanessa. Vanessa has experienced tragedy unlike any of us could imagine. Last summer her baby died a few days before she was born. I have seen a lot of death and I have seen a lot of grieving and if grieving can be done well, no one has done it better than Vanessa and her husband Brian. In two short weeks their baby Jonah will arrive. On my birthday. Before the mother blessing we were given instructions to buy two beads. One for Vanessa and one for Jonah. The beads for Vanessa were made into a necklace for her and the beads for Jonah were made into a bracelet...which turned into three bracelets because there were so many beads. We were to pick beads that said something significant to Vanessa and Jonah. It was fascinating and heart warming to hear how each person thoughtfully chose their beads. Thematically strength and beauty shone through. I left the gathering full in my heart. Words of love and friendship and divinity swirled in my head. The moments were a picture of the intended way. This is how we are to speak to one another, about one another. It was a glimpse into glory.

I can't wait to meet Jonah and hold him in my arms. As one of the women at the Mother Blessing prayed, he is a picture of the hope that God can bring life in the midst of death. That He shines through the darkness. That the hope of glory overrides the despair of reality. Ultimately. It is what keeps us walking with our heads held high. It is what keeps us praying for seemingly miraculous things.

where are we all going?

2007-09-26T08:59:00.001-07:00

For about 2 minutes the skytrain runs parallel with highway #1. The train goes about as fast as the traffic going eastbound. The skytrain car was quite full and there were many cars on the road. As I was riding the rails this morning on my way to work I thought to myself, "Where in the world are we all going and why?!!" What motivates us all to get up and make ourselves look decent and go to these jobs to make money? Why on earth are we speeding, walking quickly, frantically moving through time and space to get to jobs? I know these aren't new questions and I'm sure we've all asked them, but it struck me. Definitely not going to attempt answering these questions. I think it's good for them to linger for a while.

As I was getting ready this morning I realized that I spent Monday driving around with no car insurance!!! My stomach went into a knot and I thought of all the horrible things that could have happened and the unbelievable amount of money I would have had to find if those things had happened. On Monday I had a passenger for the majority of the day...what if? what if? These thoughts quickly turned to thanksgiving for the protection of Jesus and how He was unknowingly working on my behalf. I'm pretty sure this happens more often than I realize.

caulking

2007-09-22T15:40:00.001-07:00

I am in Winnipeg right now visiting my friend Laura and her husband Jason. I have a lovely room. The nights are cool and crisp and the days are warm and sunny. At least they have been for the day and a half I've been here.

Jason is entrenched in a full on war with the wasps that have invaded the carport. Right after Laura and I got home last night Jason greeted us warmly and then grabbed his caulking gun to "seal those suckers in the wall." It is very amusing to watch this man who is in a battle with bugs. This morning he could hardly contain himself to see whether or not "the caulking had killed those suckers dead." When Laura and I arrived home this afternoon from the farmer's market, the corn maze and a little bit of trendy shopping, we encountered the caulking gun just outside the back door. I guess the suckers haven't died yet.

definitely

2007-09-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

I don't know about anyone else but I wish people would learn how to spell....especially the word definitely. DefinAtely is WRONG!! There is no A in definitely. It has an I not an A. If you've been spelling it wrong and you're my friend, I still love you, but please change.

Grace

2007-09-16T14:26:00.000-07:00

Many interesting people have crossed my path this week. The person who stands out among the crowd is an Iraqi woman I have had the privilege of talking to a few times. On Saturday, after meeting her a couple of times, we started really talking about Iraq. I could see the sadness on her face as she talked about her country saying, "no matter what, the place you love is the place you were born." She said the people truly believed that their country would be better without Saddam and now no one believes it will ever be okay. She said, "how can Iraq ever be okay again?" My heart honestly ached as I listened to her and thought to myself, "where is grace in this situation?"

Where is grace in so many situations? When someone who wounded you is now wounded, what is the response that is full of grace? What happens to your heart when someone you've wounded responds with true grace? It's disarming isn't it? Today during our gathering our pastor had a brilliant revelation...to have the whole congregation serve each other communion while saying, "Grace be with you." Watching from behind my keyboard I found myself moved as the body of Christ served each other the remembrance of His body and blood. This is the picture the world needs to see; serving, loving and grace filled...truly grace filled.

cat's ass = bees knees

2007-09-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

People say funny things sometimes. Apparently this generation has a new version "the bees knees". It's "the cat's ass". As in, "she's the cat's ass". I heard this on the skytrain this morning. I also heard someone say " you're so hot that if I was a pot roast I'd be done." Oh the nuggets of hilarity that you can experience...especially if you eavesdrop on public transportation. It's a gold mine!

By the way, frangible is a real word. I looked it up in the dictionary.

3 blocks is a long way

2007-09-12T22:57:00.000-07:00

My friend had knee surgery a few days ago. I spent some time with him today and did some nursey things 'cause I like it and when someone needs nursing it just happens. Part of being a nurse is getting people to do what they don't want to do or maybe what they're reluctant to do. So it was time to go for a little journey. My idea was for him to get outside for a few minutes by going down the block and back. His idea was to get coffee. We found it about 3 blocks later. Then it was 3 blocks home. It was hard and he was tired but he did good. I think he'll sleep pretty well tonight...of course the narcotics will help.

but by grace

2007-09-07T17:37:00.000-07:00

While I was baking chocolate lava cakes on Friday evening in anticipation of a lovely evening with friends I watched/listened to the news. This is sometimes not a good idea because, as we all know, the horrible stuff can be so debilitating. I found myself mixing batter with a little more vigor at times in response to what I was hearing and watching. Parents accused of ridding themselves of their child, a judge who took advantage of his position by taking advantage of disenfranchised youth, people maimed at the hands of the western world just so we can keep on having all the things we have. I was very angry. I still am. All of these stories piled on to the individual stories I had heard all week. The man who just found out he has cancer in his brain and his 22 year old son who has to deal with all the decisions. The son having to do this by himself because his father has alienated every other person in his life. I never met the son in person but he sounded too mature for his age on the phone. That made me sad. I'm sure all of this is making you sad too.

Then my pastor spoke this morning about how we need to recognize that any of those stories could be us but for the grace of God. Thus our only response, my only response has to be compassion because God has been compassionate to me. when I walk past someone on the street and think, "They have decided their way into that position" I need to remember that could have been me. God has poured out his grace on me and I must pour out grace on them. On each person I meet each day.

But for the grace of God go I.

blessings

2007-09-01T12:17:00.001-07:00

What shall I do today? I will laugh, joke, work, play. I will probably grieve a little because things are changing and change is hard even when it's good. But change is what gets us to the places we are supposed to be.

My friend Kim is marrying Justin tomorrow. I like him. I like him with her. I hope for them blessings of love, joy and peace, and happiness. Blessings of endurance and steadfastness. Blessings of the presence of God and all His presence encompasses. Blessings to you my friend on this most special day. I love you.

no horseplay

2007-08-24T23:08:00.000-07:00

I worked today in the ICU. In June the ICU moved into a beautiful new unit. It is honestly spectacular. The old unit is now being renovated into a swanky new cardiac surgery ICU. Outside the construction area is a list of rules. Rule #5 is "Absolutely no horseplay allowed." I found myself standing in front of the large list of rules laughing to myself.

First, why does this need to be on the list of rules? why on earth would men, or women for that matter, using dangerous power tools, like nail guns, actually engage in horseplay? and how is horseplay actually defined? so here's what Mr. Webster says, "rough or boisterous play or pranks." come to think of it horseplaying with a nail gun might actually be fun.

Second, why does horseplay need to be banned? From my experience with some pretty serious stuff a little horseplay might do us all some good....but perhaps not with a nail gun!