change

While on vacation last week I went for a drive in Waterloo. As I drove I thought and prayed and allowed myself to really feel what I was feeling, I realized that there have been a lot of difficult changes in my life over the past 6 months. Changes in relationships, both good and hard. Upcoming changes in living space which I'm sure will bring other changes. Changes inside of me and outside of me that all swirl together to either make me laugh with giddiness or, more often it seems, cry. As drove I spoke out loud to God, "do you actually love me? do you actually care about me and all these things going on around me? do you actually plan to do anything about all of this?" A Smart Car turned in front of me. I looked at the back of it. There were two bumper stickers. "Jesus loves You" and "God has plans for you". As much as part of me wants to shrug that off as coincidence more of me knows it was God and His gift to me.

lump in my throat

Things that have brought a lump to my throat in the past few weeks:

• riding my bike through a rainfall of cherry blossoms
• the death of my 30 something patient
• the visit of my former patient, a walking miracle, and her parents
• the hug of a friend
• seeing the city in glorious sunlight rising up from the water
• a sunset at English Bay
• a significant spiritual conversation
• playing Bach
• celebrating a birthday
• watching my mother make faces at a frog at the aquarium
• seeing my Dad use a walker
• laughing out loud with friends
• hearing the voice of Jesus say, "peace be still"