should be

There is a lot of "should be" around me right now. I should be cleaning my kitchen, changing my sheets, folding my laundry, adjusting things on my new bike, sorting through mail from this last week, paying bills, getting some exercise etc. But I can't right now. I'm distracted by the pit in my stomach. The pit that is telling me to sort through some of my thoughts. So here goes. Please bear with me.

God Grew Tired of Us. A movie about The Lost Boys of Sudan and how some of them were relocated to places in the USA. Two things stood out to me. First, they totally didn't get how the Christmas tree and Santa fit into Christmas. "Aren't we supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and His birth in our hearts?" "Is Santa in the Bible?" They talked about how, in their country, on Christmas Eve, they prepare themselves for Jesus to be born in their hearts. We prepare our fingernails to get the tape of our gifts without wrecking the Christmas paper.

Second, they never looked at their opportunities in isolation. Making money meant they would help the people back home or each other here. They lived fully in a sense of community. One young man spoke about how we, in North America, don't pay attention to one another and he used the word shame. "It's a shame you can't go to some one's house you don't know." "It's a shame that when you see someone hurting you can't just put yourself into their problem." (I'm crying while I write this.) It is a shame and we should be ashamed. We talk about boundaries and how we should protect ourselves and we create places of comfort for ourselves and we are alone. It's shameful and it's not what Jesus wants.

More and more I am thinking about how I use my time, my money, my words, my entertainment. It's not that I think any of those things are wrong or bad. In fact I like them all. But how should I spend it? How do I spend my life treating others? Do I notice the wounded or the joyful? Do I put myself into their problem? Do I rejoice in their joy? Ultimately, is God glorified?

None of this rambling really has any conclusion but the questions cause me to move further into the throne room. To ask bigger questions of an infinite God. To dialogue with my friends and to learn and change and grow.

Life is change. Growth is optional. It's up to you.

is anyone still interested?

I don't know if anyone out there reads this anymore but if you do I apologize for my lack of blogginess over the summer. I'm not sure why I stopped writing for a while but I did. Now I'm going to start again.

Things I've been thinking over the past week or maybe month:

-Forcing myself to stay awake through the night needs to stop soon.

-It is strange how my heart and mind are transforming to see the difficult things in life as blessings and not only that, but to embrace and welcome the difficulty because it's all for a greater good. It is not strange that when I share this in various company it causes tension because, really, we want to be comfortable.

-sometimes the thing you think will break your heart, doesn't.

-cutting cable is proving to be undeniably freeing.

-I love Stuart Mclean and The Vinyl Cafe. There's a podcast so I can listen whenever I want.

-God continues to raise up a few who will speak difficult truth. My pastor Norm Westside Church Vancouver,BC, Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Seattle, Francis Chan, Simi Valley, CA. Listen to this sermon if you dare.

-just because I'm an extrovert doesn't mean I'm not okay with silence and solitude. Some people just don't believe me.

-it's funny how the same Bible story can make me cry every time I hear it. Especially when it reminds me that God's hand is working even when I can't see it.

That's just some of the stuff I've been thinking about. I know there's more. Thanks for reading,

-i really, really miss my bicycle.