I watch Grey's Anatomy pretty faithfully. I have since the first season. Before that I used to watch ER. Generally, it's the interpersonal relationships on the shows that keep me watching. The soap opera of it all. This last week's episode made me mad and happy all at the same time so I thought I would write down a few thoughts.
The bad mostly consists of absolutely ridiculous medical practices. As someone who works in a critical care environment this almost makes me want to throw my television across the room. For example, this past week there was a young woman who had her heart removed (never heard of this, but it's probably been done somewhere) and was on bypass, meaning all of her blood was, theoretically, exiting her body and being oxygenated through a machine then circulating back in. There was no machine in the room. There were barely any IV pumps. Then to top it all off they had her awake, looking quite perky I might add, with oxygen going into her nose!!! AAHHHHH! this makes me want to scream. In reality, I took care of a girl who still had her heart inside of her this last week, but she was on bypass for various reasons. GIGANTIC machines in her room not to mention the 9 IV infusions to keep her comatose and to maintain her blood pressure and multiple other things. The lack of medical integrity on the show drives me crazy. Oh yeah and the lack of nurses. Seriously, how is this even possible? sheesh.
The good, however, is very, very good. It's not the interpersonal stuff actually. It's the reminder for someone like me that what we do within the walls of a hospital is very, very important. The lack of sleep, the emotional strain, the hours without peeing, sometimes the days without eating are all worth it. It really is incredible to be part of a team of people who work together to save a stranger's life. I'm not sure how it happens but a person completely unknown to us comes through the doors of the hospital and somehow crossing that threshold makes them important to us. And it doesn't matter if they are a gangster, a person who lives on the street or a wealthy politician. We will honestly work and work until there really is nothing else to do. Sometimes it turns out very well, sometimes it doesn't. I think Grey's Anatomy does a good job of portraying this. The emotional part. The "we will do anything to try to save your life part". I find myself reminded with each episode that what I do is important and that's not a small thing.
So, the bottom line is, if you find yourself with someone you love in a critical medical situation (I hope you never do) please know we will try our hardest to save them and give them back to you. But please also realize that the reality is nothing like TV. Patients are usually unconscious on purpose. They are on ventilators. They have a ton of IV's and other tubes and they can't talk to you. But we will use all of those things to get them better. Slowly but surely. And if we can't get them better we will try very hard to help you and them to have the best end possible. Because you are important, they are important and what we do is very, very important.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
memory
I just started reading Donald Miller's new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: what I learned from editing my life." He starts the book talking about how his friend Bob writes down everything he remembers as he remembers it. I thought to myself, "that's kind of inspiring. Perhaps that's what I should do with my blog for a while, considering it has been so uninspired lately." And strangely enough, last night I shared one of my elementary school disciplinary memories with my India team because we were talking about disciplining children and how you should and shouldn't do it.
So here's my memory. Clearly this is not how to discipline me 'cause it didn't work for the long haul anyway.
Grade three. Mrs. Healey's class. I thought I was all that 'cause I was in the advanced math AND the advanced reading and writing groups. I think there were only 5 or 6 of us in these groups. I also knew that Mrs. Healey really liked me for some reason. Probably because I was generally in a good mood and had blonde hair and blue eyes. So, picture this, I was talking to the girl behind me. Full on, turned around in my desk talking about how Ken and Barbie had been doing very naughty things in the Barbie motor home the night before or something just as important. I was chatting and chatting and chatting. Suddenly I realized that NO ONE ELSE was talking....at all. I look up at the front and there was my beloved Mrs. Healey standing, arms crossed, clearly annoyed at my social behaviour. I was devastated and embarrassed. I can still feel the lump in my chest when I think about that moment. I can still picture the posters at the front of the room. It was awful but it didn't really do anything to change my behaviour 'cause I'm still pretty sure that every report card, in every grade following, the number one comment was "Laura talks too much in class." Still graduated with a 3.9 though. I guess if I'd shut up a little more I would've achieved the elusive 4.0. Maybe if Mrs. Healey had used a different tactic.
So here's my memory. Clearly this is not how to discipline me 'cause it didn't work for the long haul anyway.
Grade three. Mrs. Healey's class. I thought I was all that 'cause I was in the advanced math AND the advanced reading and writing groups. I think there were only 5 or 6 of us in these groups. I also knew that Mrs. Healey really liked me for some reason. Probably because I was generally in a good mood and had blonde hair and blue eyes. So, picture this, I was talking to the girl behind me. Full on, turned around in my desk talking about how Ken and Barbie had been doing very naughty things in the Barbie motor home the night before or something just as important. I was chatting and chatting and chatting. Suddenly I realized that NO ONE ELSE was talking....at all. I look up at the front and there was my beloved Mrs. Healey standing, arms crossed, clearly annoyed at my social behaviour. I was devastated and embarrassed. I can still feel the lump in my chest when I think about that moment. I can still picture the posters at the front of the room. It was awful but it didn't really do anything to change my behaviour 'cause I'm still pretty sure that every report card, in every grade following, the number one comment was "Laura talks too much in class." Still graduated with a 3.9 though. I guess if I'd shut up a little more I would've achieved the elusive 4.0. Maybe if Mrs. Healey had used a different tactic.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
so many thoughts
Honestly, why do I go for a month without writing? It's silly because if you know me at all, you know I have a lot of thoughts that are just waiting to be expressed. I would probably write more if I didn't have such an extensive social circle. I am not complaining about having so many friends. In fact I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the beautiful people in my life. However, I am saying that all the stories I am currently living often get expressed face to face.
Here is a brief overview of the overlapping stories of my life:
H1N1 and everything else that comes into the ICU
Yes, this is actually a story in my life. It is my story because it is the story of many of my patients. And, as much as we try, it is impossible for us nurses to keep ourselves out of these strangers stories. I have left work more than once in the past week overwhelmed by tragedy whether it is related to H1N1 or not. More than once I wanted to write "tragedy, oh the tragedy" as my facebook status but I thought it slightly melodramatic. But there is not a better word to describe the chaos of my workplace right now.
India
Late in December I am going with 10 others to one of the orphanages my church sponsors. We will spend Christmas with about 100 children and teenagers who are either true orphans or who are left by living parents at this place because their families are too poor. Leading this team is slightly overwhelming which is probably good because it means I can't do everything by myself and I don't really want to.
Back when I was interviewing people for this team I was having supper with a group of people. They were asking me how the team was coming together. I said it was slow but sure. One of the girls at the table who was just an acquaintance said, "Well, I just like spending Christmas with my family." Me, being me, spoke before my filter went up. "Yeah I bet the orphans would like that too."
Social activity
If my life consisted of just the two above stories I think I would curl up in a ball and die. So, I engage myself in social activity. These activities have included movies, beer, dinner, coffee and a GALA! Fun! I got to wear a fabulous dress and my Nine West shoes and drink wine and eat appetizers carried around by servers who had towels over their arms. And I bid on a few silent auction items. The prize I wanted most was a room redecoration using all your own stuff. I was sure it was going to be mine but at the last second some guy named Allan G outbid me by $10!! I hope I never meet Allan G in a dark alley.
Jesus
Fortunately, the one story that does infiltrate all the other stories is my story with Jesus. Sadly, my story with Jesus has been very rushed. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing shout outs as I run past Him. "Hey! Thanks for being in this story! Gotta go". And He nods and smiles and shakes His head with a smirk and says "Oh Laura, why on earth did I make you like this?" No, actually He's saying, "I'm not part of this story. I am the story. Everything else is part of Me. Don't live it all trying to take Me along. Live all of these stories in light of ME. In the context of Me. It will change everything." And that's when I realize that the ease of life is Jesus shining down His grace and the struggle of life is His grace too.
So I will continue on in the stories that fold themselves around me and look at them in the light of Jesus. It makes getting up for work at 545 just a little easier or staying awake all night for that matter. It makes using my free time preparing to spend two weeks with orphans that much sweeter. And it makes the sweetness of the beautiful people in my life that much sweeter.
Here is a brief overview of the overlapping stories of my life:
H1N1 and everything else that comes into the ICU
Yes, this is actually a story in my life. It is my story because it is the story of many of my patients. And, as much as we try, it is impossible for us nurses to keep ourselves out of these strangers stories. I have left work more than once in the past week overwhelmed by tragedy whether it is related to H1N1 or not. More than once I wanted to write "tragedy, oh the tragedy" as my facebook status but I thought it slightly melodramatic. But there is not a better word to describe the chaos of my workplace right now.
India
Late in December I am going with 10 others to one of the orphanages my church sponsors. We will spend Christmas with about 100 children and teenagers who are either true orphans or who are left by living parents at this place because their families are too poor. Leading this team is slightly overwhelming which is probably good because it means I can't do everything by myself and I don't really want to.
Back when I was interviewing people for this team I was having supper with a group of people. They were asking me how the team was coming together. I said it was slow but sure. One of the girls at the table who was just an acquaintance said, "Well, I just like spending Christmas with my family." Me, being me, spoke before my filter went up. "Yeah I bet the orphans would like that too."
Social activity
If my life consisted of just the two above stories I think I would curl up in a ball and die. So, I engage myself in social activity. These activities have included movies, beer, dinner, coffee and a GALA! Fun! I got to wear a fabulous dress and my Nine West shoes and drink wine and eat appetizers carried around by servers who had towels over their arms. And I bid on a few silent auction items. The prize I wanted most was a room redecoration using all your own stuff. I was sure it was going to be mine but at the last second some guy named Allan G outbid me by $10!! I hope I never meet Allan G in a dark alley.
Jesus
Fortunately, the one story that does infiltrate all the other stories is my story with Jesus. Sadly, my story with Jesus has been very rushed. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing shout outs as I run past Him. "Hey! Thanks for being in this story! Gotta go". And He nods and smiles and shakes His head with a smirk and says "Oh Laura, why on earth did I make you like this?" No, actually He's saying, "I'm not part of this story. I am the story. Everything else is part of Me. Don't live it all trying to take Me along. Live all of these stories in light of ME. In the context of Me. It will change everything." And that's when I realize that the ease of life is Jesus shining down His grace and the struggle of life is His grace too.
So I will continue on in the stories that fold themselves around me and look at them in the light of Jesus. It makes getting up for work at 545 just a little easier or staying awake all night for that matter. It makes using my free time preparing to spend two weeks with orphans that much sweeter. And it makes the sweetness of the beautiful people in my life that much sweeter.
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