panic and relief

I experienced panic and relief in the span of about 45 seconds today. I had breakfast with a friend. Then I got on the bus to make it to my next social engagement which was coffee with another friend. While on the bus I realized I would make it to our meeting place a little early so I gave her a call. I put my cell phone back in my jacket pocket. I pulled the string on the bus to get off at the next stop. About 10 seconds after I got off the bus I put my hand in my pocket....NO PHONE!! surge of adrenalin, increased heart rate. Crap! I left it on the bus. I turned around and realized the bus was at a red light. I ran toward the bus and got to the front of the bus as a very nice man was handing my phone to the bus driver. I tapped lightly on the window and yelled, "It's mine! It's mine!" The very cute bus driver threw his head back, opened his mouth and laughed out loud. He opened the door and handed me my phone. I said, "thank you, thank you, thank you!"

waiting

Waiting is difficult. I am not very good at it. Yesterday was particularly hard for me. I found myself spontaneously starting to cry because I am tired of waiting. In my soul I would say to God "what is the point of all this waiting?"

Now I could tell you about how I can see that in waiting I see things that I would never have seen should I not have to wait. Or how waiting helps me to be patient. Or how certain experiences in my relationship with Jesus would never have come about if I didn't have to wait. But I'm not going to tell you that.

I asked God "what is the point of all this waiting?" and He said, "I'm doing things you know nothing about."

hearts

This past week has been a journey of hearts. Hearts that have been broken. Hearts that have been filled. Hearts that are changing. And hearts that are focusing. Oddly, none of these hearts are mine but I have been deeply affected by all of them.

I have never had more people in my home who have sat on my couch and weeped. And I have wept with them. It is difficult to know how to help someone when their hearts are broken. I can't heal their hearts even though I would love to do nothing more.

I have watched some of my friends in the anticipation of new love and new life and I have smiled along with them. Truly, there is nothing as joy inducing as watching someone potentially fall in love.

I have seen people who are shifting the paths they are walking and have been in awe as their hearts are changed. Shifting paths are sometimes difficult but always worth it. It makes me long to continue to walk in the change in my own heart.

I have watched my friends who are navigating a new path in life and are learning how to make it all work. They are focusing their direction toward one another. I think the focused heart is the most poignant. It calls for a tearing away of the unimportant. It calls for consciously choosing. It calls for sacrifice.

May all our hearts be broken and renewed and shifted and focused.

squash extravaganza!

When I arrived home from writing class I checked my messages. One of the messages was from my delightful friend Karla who had come up with the idea to cook various types of squash just to try them out. I jumped at the idea. So at 6pm, with squash in hand, Karla arrived at my house. Sarah Jane, a former student turned friend, had been at my house all afternoon visiting and she was game for squash night too. The cooking began. Fortunately I have recently purchased some Henckel knives which made cutting the squash a lot easier. In the long run we had spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce, an acorn squash stuffed with Spanish rice and baked with mozzarella and another kind of squash that I can't remember the name of just baked with some spice. DELISH!! The first pic is of Karla and I wearing toques I knit (I'm on a toque knitting frenzy). The second pic is my plate of squash before I ate it. I'll be sure to invite you next time!!