Grey's Anatomy: the bad and the good and the reality

I watch Grey's Anatomy pretty faithfully. I have since the first season. Before that I used to watch ER. Generally, it's the interpersonal relationships on the shows that keep me watching. The soap opera of it all. This last week's episode made me mad and happy all at the same time so I thought I would write down a few thoughts.

The bad mostly consists of absolutely ridiculous medical practices. As someone who works in a critical care environment this almost makes me want to throw my television across the room. For example, this past week there was a young woman who had her heart removed (never heard of this, but it's probably been done somewhere) and was on bypass, meaning all of her blood was, theoretically, exiting her body and being oxygenated through a machine then circulating back in. There was no machine in the room. There were barely any IV pumps. Then to top it all off they had her awake, looking quite perky I might add, with oxygen going into her nose!!! AAHHHHH! this makes me want to scream. In reality, I took care of a girl who still had her heart inside of her this last week, but she was on bypass for various reasons. GIGANTIC machines in her room not to mention the 9 IV infusions to keep her comatose and to maintain her blood pressure and multiple other things. The lack of medical integrity on the show drives me crazy. Oh yeah and the lack of nurses. Seriously, how is this even possible? sheesh.

The good, however, is very, very good. It's not the interpersonal stuff actually. It's the reminder for someone like me that what we do within the walls of a hospital is very, very important. The lack of sleep, the emotional strain, the hours without peeing, sometimes the days without eating are all worth it. It really is incredible to be part of a team of people who work together to save a stranger's life. I'm not sure how it happens but a person completely unknown to us comes through the doors of the hospital and somehow crossing that threshold makes them important to us. And it doesn't matter if they are a gangster, a person who lives on the street or a wealthy politician. We will honestly work and work until there really is nothing else to do. Sometimes it turns out very well, sometimes it doesn't. I think Grey's Anatomy does a good job of portraying this. The emotional part. The "we will do anything to try to save your life part". I find myself reminded with each episode that what I do is important and that's not a small thing.

So, the bottom line is, if you find yourself with someone you love in a critical medical situation (I hope you never do) please know we will try our hardest to save them and give them back to you. But please also realize that the reality is nothing like TV. Patients are usually unconscious on purpose. They are on ventilators. They have a ton of IV's and other tubes and they can't talk to you. But we will use all of those things to get them better. Slowly but surely. And if we can't get them better we will try very hard to help you and them to have the best end possible. Because you are important, they are important and what we do is very, very important.

memory

I just started reading Donald Miller's new book "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: what I learned from editing my life." He starts the book talking about how his friend Bob writes down everything he remembers as he remembers it. I thought to myself, "that's kind of inspiring. Perhaps that's what I should do with my blog for a while, considering it has been so uninspired lately." And strangely enough, last night I shared one of my elementary school disciplinary memories with my India team because we were talking about disciplining children and how you should and shouldn't do it.

So here's my memory. Clearly this is not how to discipline me 'cause it didn't work for the long haul anyway.

Grade three. Mrs. Healey's class. I thought I was all that 'cause I was in the advanced math AND the advanced reading and writing groups. I think there were only 5 or 6 of us in these groups. I also knew that Mrs. Healey really liked me for some reason. Probably because I was generally in a good mood and had blonde hair and blue eyes. So, picture this, I was talking to the girl behind me. Full on, turned around in my desk talking about how Ken and Barbie had been doing very naughty things in the Barbie motor home the night before or something just as important. I was chatting and chatting and chatting. Suddenly I realized that NO ONE ELSE was talking....at all. I look up at the front and there was my beloved Mrs. Healey standing, arms crossed, clearly annoyed at my social behaviour. I was devastated and embarrassed. I can still feel the lump in my chest when I think about that moment. I can still picture the posters at the front of the room. It was awful but it didn't really do anything to change my behaviour 'cause I'm still pretty sure that every report card, in every grade following, the number one comment was "Laura talks too much in class." Still graduated with a 3.9 though. I guess if I'd shut up a little more I would've achieved the elusive 4.0. Maybe if Mrs. Healey had used a different tactic.

so many thoughts

Honestly, why do I go for a month without writing? It's silly because if you know me at all, you know I have a lot of thoughts that are just waiting to be expressed. I would probably write more if I didn't have such an extensive social circle. I am not complaining about having so many friends. In fact I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the beautiful people in my life. However, I am saying that all the stories I am currently living often get expressed face to face.

Here is a brief overview of the overlapping stories of my life:

H1N1 and everything else that comes into the ICU

Yes, this is actually a story in my life. It is my story because it is the story of many of my patients. And, as much as we try, it is impossible for us nurses to keep ourselves out of these strangers stories. I have left work more than once in the past week overwhelmed by tragedy whether it is related to H1N1 or not. More than once I wanted to write "tragedy, oh the tragedy" as my facebook status but I thought it slightly melodramatic. But there is not a better word to describe the chaos of my workplace right now.

India

Late in December I am going with 10 others to one of the orphanages my church sponsors. We will spend Christmas with about 100 children and teenagers who are either true orphans or who are left by living parents at this place because their families are too poor. Leading this team is slightly overwhelming which is probably good because it means I can't do everything by myself and I don't really want to.

Back when I was interviewing people for this team I was having supper with a group of people. They were asking me how the team was coming together. I said it was slow but sure. One of the girls at the table who was just an acquaintance said, "Well, I just like spending Christmas with my family." Me, being me, spoke before my filter went up. "Yeah I bet the orphans would like that too."

Social activity

If my life consisted of just the two above stories I think I would curl up in a ball and die. So, I engage myself in social activity. These activities have included movies, beer, dinner, coffee and a GALA! Fun! I got to wear a fabulous dress and my Nine West shoes and drink wine and eat appetizers carried around by servers who had towels over their arms. And I bid on a few silent auction items. The prize I wanted most was a room redecoration using all your own stuff. I was sure it was going to be mine but at the last second some guy named Allan G outbid me by $10!! I hope I never meet Allan G in a dark alley.

Jesus

Fortunately, the one story that does infiltrate all the other stories is my story with Jesus. Sadly, my story with Jesus has been very rushed. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing shout outs as I run past Him. "Hey! Thanks for being in this story! Gotta go". And He nods and smiles and shakes His head with a smirk and says "Oh Laura, why on earth did I make you like this?" No, actually He's saying, "I'm not part of this story. I am the story. Everything else is part of Me. Don't live it all trying to take Me along. Live all of these stories in light of ME. In the context of Me. It will change everything." And that's when I realize that the ease of life is Jesus shining down His grace and the struggle of life is His grace too.

So I will continue on in the stories that fold themselves around me and look at them in the light of Jesus. It makes getting up for work at 545 just a little easier or staying awake all night for that matter. It makes using my free time preparing to spend two weeks with orphans that much sweeter. And it makes the sweetness of the beautiful people in my life that much sweeter.

conversation with pharmacy

Those of you who are my friends know there are two departments that make my days at work more interesting than they need to be. Those departments are the pharmacy and the lab. Today was no different. P=pharmacy M=Me

Phone rings

M-ICU, Laura speaking"

P-You're the nurse for patient S?"

M-Yes

P-We want to change the dose of the medication he's on. How do you feel about that?

M-How do I feel about that? I'm not sure I understand.

P-Well, how you feel about it?

M-I feel indifferent.

P-Oh. Can you ask Dr. W how she feels about changing the dose of the medication?

M-No.

P-No?

M-You can ask the doctor. Here's her pager number.

15 minutes later:

P-So I asked the doctor about how she feels about changing the dose and she feel fine so we changed it.

M-Great.

P-What times are you giving the med?

M-The times that the pharmacy put on the medication administration record.

P-Really? You're actually giving them at those times? (at this point I want to poke my eyes out)

M-Yes, I'm really giving them at those times. 1000 and 2200 like it says.

P-So the drug level that was drawn was it actually before the last dose was given?

M-What time was the drug level drawn?

P-925

M-Last time I checked that was before 10.

P-Oh, yeah I guess that's true.

M-Ok then.

kaiser wilhelm

"Find me a woman who loves beer and I could conquer the world" Kaiser Wilhelm II

Oh Wilhelm how did we miss each other?

"It's a good thing he never met you or the first world war would have turned out a little different." David Bretherick

Surely there's another man out there who wants to conquer the world with a woman who loves beer. No world war necessary.

capitalism: a love affair

This afternoon I saw Capitalism: a love affair, the new Michael Moore documentary. It was disturbing and interesting all at the same time. The main point of the movie is that capitalism will be the end of America and the country needs to reestablish itself along democratic lines. Moore really did show that each person exercising their right to vote does make a difference. When the masses work together they really can execute change. The movie showed the power of unions to establish fair work places. Moore also shows that true biblical Christianity and the message of Jesus do not align themselves with the conservative American right. That was refreshing.

In discussion following the movie we concluded that Capitalism really isn't the problem. Unionization and the assembly of the people are not the answers. Democracy is not the answer. The underlying problem is our selfish, greedy hearts and, as my pastor would say, the answer is Jesus and his ability to transform us. It sounds so Sunday School but really, if you really sit down and think about it, submitting ourselves to the transforming power of Jesus and His message could only result in good for us and for all those around us. Because we would then be walking in grace and putting others before ourselves, making sure the widow and the orphan are clothed and fed and doing all things out of love, standing up against injustice, loving God with all our hearts and souls and minds, loving our neighbours as ourselves and doing everything we can within our power to live in peace.

Now, I completely understand that that isn't reality and won't ever happen here on earth but I can do my part. I can work towards being a person who is everything listed above so my neighbour will be cared for. As a nurse, I can do everything within my power to make sure that universal health care remains a reality in Canada so that the street guy is in the room next to the politician and they are getting the exact same excellence of care simply because they are both human beings. I can allow the message and presence of Jesus to change me. I really do think it's my only hope.

should be

There is a lot of "should be" around me right now. I should be cleaning my kitchen, changing my sheets, folding my laundry, adjusting things on my new bike, sorting through mail from this last week, paying bills, getting some exercise etc. But I can't right now. I'm distracted by the pit in my stomach. The pit that is telling me to sort through some of my thoughts. So here goes. Please bear with me.

God Grew Tired of Us. A movie about The Lost Boys of Sudan and how some of them were relocated to places in the USA. Two things stood out to me. First, they totally didn't get how the Christmas tree and Santa fit into Christmas. "Aren't we supposed to be celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ and His birth in our hearts?" "Is Santa in the Bible?" They talked about how, in their country, on Christmas Eve, they prepare themselves for Jesus to be born in their hearts. We prepare our fingernails to get the tape of our gifts without wrecking the Christmas paper.

Second, they never looked at their opportunities in isolation. Making money meant they would help the people back home or each other here. They lived fully in a sense of community. One young man spoke about how we, in North America, don't pay attention to one another and he used the word shame. "It's a shame you can't go to some one's house you don't know." "It's a shame that when you see someone hurting you can't just put yourself into their problem." (I'm crying while I write this.) It is a shame and we should be ashamed. We talk about boundaries and how we should protect ourselves and we create places of comfort for ourselves and we are alone. It's shameful and it's not what Jesus wants.

More and more I am thinking about how I use my time, my money, my words, my entertainment. It's not that I think any of those things are wrong or bad. In fact I like them all. But how should I spend it? How do I spend my life treating others? Do I notice the wounded or the joyful? Do I put myself into their problem? Do I rejoice in their joy? Ultimately, is God glorified?

None of this rambling really has any conclusion but the questions cause me to move further into the throne room. To ask bigger questions of an infinite God. To dialogue with my friends and to learn and change and grow.

Life is change. Growth is optional. It's up to you.

is anyone still interested?

I don't know if anyone out there reads this anymore but if you do I apologize for my lack of blogginess over the summer. I'm not sure why I stopped writing for a while but I did. Now I'm going to start again.

Things I've been thinking over the past week or maybe month:

-Forcing myself to stay awake through the night needs to stop soon.

-It is strange how my heart and mind are transforming to see the difficult things in life as blessings and not only that, but to embrace and welcome the difficulty because it's all for a greater good. It is not strange that when I share this in various company it causes tension because, really, we want to be comfortable.

-sometimes the thing you think will break your heart, doesn't.

-cutting cable is proving to be undeniably freeing.

-I love Stuart Mclean and The Vinyl Cafe. There's a podcast so I can listen whenever I want.

-God continues to raise up a few who will speak difficult truth. My pastor Norm Westside Church Vancouver,BC, Mark Driscoll, Mars Hill Seattle, Francis Chan, Simi Valley, CA. Listen to this sermon if you dare.

-just because I'm an extrovert doesn't mean I'm not okay with silence and solitude. Some people just don't believe me.

-it's funny how the same Bible story can make me cry every time I hear it. Especially when it reminds me that God's hand is working even when I can't see it.

That's just some of the stuff I've been thinking about. I know there's more. Thanks for reading,

-i really, really miss my bicycle.

fun

On Friday evening a group of friends and I were out for dinner for the first part of my friend's stagette. We had drinks and food and a lot of fun. There were 16 girls around a big table. On the way out the door one of the waiters came to me, touched my arm and said, "honey, I've been watching you all night and you are FUN!" (add a flamboyant inflection) I woke up Saturday morning still smiling and that's why I haven't blogged for so long. I've been off having a lot of F-U-N!

forever and a day

WOW! It has been forever and a day since I blogged. I haven't been out of town for any significant length of time, nor have I been infirm. I have just been incredibly busy. INCREDIBLY BUSY. Working lots. Socializing lots. Cleaning. Organizing. Laughing, crying, praying, worshipping. You know, the stuff that makes up normal days. The stuff of lovely, lovely days.

I've seen the movie UP twice in the last month. The first time was with my parents. We saw it in 3D. When I called my mother to ask if she wanted to see it in 2D or 3D this is how she responded. Pregnant pause, then, "Well Laura, why would you see a movie in 2D if it's offered in 3D?" How silly of me. The second time I saw it was with the kids at daycamp. I cried both times because it pulled at the heart strings of things that my heart longs for. My favorite line in the whole thing is when Russell is talking about how his dad and him used to sit eating ice cream and counting the blue cars and the red cars. He says, "I know it sounds boring but it's the boring stuff I remember the most."

Over the last month I've also been around a lot of death. I've had a lot of conversations about death and I'm overwhelmed by how different it is each time. (If you're reading this and don't know me, I'm an ICU nurse.) One of the deaths was my patient alone. His family couldn't handle what was happening and I couldn't let him die alone. So I sat at his bedside and held his hand until he took his last breath. The next one was an older Sikh gentleman with a gigantic family. More than 30 people filled the room and I had to navigate my way through all these people to give this man morphine as he needed it. Another death was doing CPR on a young man to keep him 'alive' until his family had a chance to say goodbye. Honestly I could go on and on because it has been a very tragic month.

Then last week my friend Rachel died. (See the previous post). She died at home with her family. I went to the Celebration of her life today and it was amazing. The church was full. Her family was strong. God was glorified and will continue to be. I watched as her husband and children walked out of the church and thought this family has done death exceedingly well. The situation sucks. These kids are young. Her husband didn't know that when he uttered,"'til death do us part'" that it would mean only 10 years in. But they have walked the road and will continue to do so.

I bet Rachel's husband and kids will one day say that it's the boring stuff they remember. The everyday dinner around the table. Stories before bed. The normal stuff. And I think they did the boring stuff so well that eventually they will all be okay. Totally different than planned but absolutely okay.

And if you're reading this and don't get it, please go to www.deathisnotdying.com

death is not dying

A woman I know is dying. She is my age. She is beautiful. She is kind and generous and, from what I know of her, amazing. She is not really my friend but I know her and she knows me. In early March she shared her story in front of hundreds of women and I had the privilege of leading worship that night. The event took place at the River Rock Casino. I led worship at a casino theatre. Rachel talked about Jesus. Those things don't often go together but it happened and it was amazing. The event was called Death is not Dying. Since that night the video of Rachel's talk has circulated the globe and many people have found themselves touched by her story. Since then a website has been launched containing the video and some letters Rachel wrote during her first bout of cancer and a few from her current battle. Go there. Read and listen and allow God to transform you. Death is not Dying.

the power of a friend

On Saturday afternoon I went to see The Soloist. It's a movie about a newspaper reporter, Steve Lopez, and a homeless man, Nathaniel A Ayres. Steve is looking for a story and stumbles upon Nathaniel playing a 2 stringed violin beneath a statue of Ludwig Van Bethoven in LA. As Steve researches Nathaniel's life a much deeper story unravels. A lot happens to both of them over the course of many months. At one point Steve thinks he can't handle his relationship with Nathaniel anymore and a bold person points out, "You CANNOT underestimate the power of being a friend."

I have thought about this quote a lot since Saturday. I have friends in so many stages of life. In so many stages of emotional stability. In many stages of spiritual maturity. But I am BLESSED with many, many friends. It breaks my heart to know there are so many people who walk around day after day without ever having a positive interaction with another human being. What must that be like? How does someone without anybody else get up day after day? They are made of greater stuff than I because I don't think I could do it.

So, if you are my friend, thank you. I love you deeply.

If you are randomly reading this blog and you don't have that deep interaction with another person and you are without any friends, please know that as I have written this, I have prayed for you. I have prayed that God will bless you with friends.

You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.

Charlotte, in “Charlotte’s Web”

My father always used to say that when you die, if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.

Lee Iacoca

me and my keys

I think I may have to get one of those nerdy hip clips for my keys. ( see previous post titled Elevator April 4). Yesterday evening I went to the big bin outside my apartment building to throw away my old bike tires. I unlock the garbage bin and throw in the tires. I also throw in my keys. Either the dye that keeps my hair so lovely and blonde is beginning to seep into my brain or my keys are hankering for some adventure. I look at my keys in the bottom of the bin and think "well, I guess I could climb in there and get them" but I don't really want to do that. I could ask my friend who is putting the new tires on my bike, who is over 6 feet tall, to come outside and reach into the bin for my keys but he is being very helpful and I don't want to disturb. Then I look up. There at the bin next door is a guy. Dishevelled, a little dirty. Wearing a nice red hoodie. He's picking through the recycling bins and opening whatever lid doesn't have a lock.

"Hey buddy! do you think you could give me a hand?"

"What do you need?"

"Well, I accidentally dropped my keys into this bin."

"Be right there."

He secures his stuff and comes over. I point to my keys. He reaches in, grabs them and hands them to me.

"Thank you so much." I smile.

"You're welcome." He smiles.

It was a lovely interaction. I hope I see him again.

so exciting! and quite funny.

We swept them clean! Not a dust bunny in sight and the Blues are getting ready to golf tomorrow. YES!! Sadly, I was not able to watch the goal that happened in the last 19 seconds of the first OT period 'cause I was in rehearsal for the worship team. It's still exciting to see it, even if it's just highlights!

On a funny note. This is a recent post on Postcards from Yo Momma and it made me laugh out loud:

I had a CT done today of my stomach. I’m sure it was fine but the patient before me was a possum from the zoo. I have to be the only person in the world that had to wait for a possum to go first for a medical test.

I can totally see this happening to my mom.

smooth barista

On my way to work yesterday evening, I stopped at JJ Bean to get an americano. A guy I've met a couple of times was working so I greeted him with his name. He looked at me a little confused so I contextualized how we knew one another and a look of recognition swept over his face. We stood and chatted for a while and he asked where I was going.

"I'm on my way to work actually."

"what do you do?"

"I'm an ICU nurse."

"wow, that's cool. How long have you been a nurse?"

"More years than I care to tell you."

"It can't have been that long."

"Almost 15 actually."

"What? Did you start nursing when you were 14 or something?"

I think I'm in love.

so far so good

My Canuckleheads came through! YES! First period was great, the rest a little boring but they won and that's all that matters. To quote my friends Facebook status, 1 win down, 15 to go.

I keep stumbling upon articles that say the Canucks have a good chance of winning the cup. Let's hope these experts know what they're talking about. Let's hope Luongo can stay healthy and focused. Let's hope that Burrows hasn't exhausted his goal scoring streak in the regular season.

I can't believe I have to work during the next game. So distracting!

cautiously hopeful

I am going to the first game of the first series in the playoffs tonight. Canucks versus St. Louis. The Canuckleheads!! They made it. It was a little precarious for a while there and the whole city could feel it. What with waiting and waiting and waiting to see whether or not Mats Sundin would sign and whether or not it would make a difference. And Luongo and his groin injury. And some really terrible hockey at some points. Sheesh! They know how to stress a girl out but they came through in the end and won the Northwest Division! YES! And I get to go and help send them off into playoff land.

Yesterday at work I was reminiscing with a co-worker about previous playoff years. She went to the final game of the Stanley Cup finals back in 1982. I was in elementary school when the Canucks made a run for the cup against the New York Islanders. At the time their goalie was Richard Brodeur and he was amazing. Some radio station wrote a song called King Richard. I can still sing portions of that song. "King Richard, gonna help us win the cup, King Richard gonna take us to the top..." I remember being outside at recess and me and my friends would sing that song at the top of our lungs while playing tetherball. FUN!

Then 1994. Again New York, but this time the Rangers. Great hockey. Stupid rioters. Honestly, people are ridiculous. I don't really think they were upset about hockey. I think people riot and essentially throw adult temper tantrums 'cause they feel out of control and hopeless.

So, now it's 2009. We again have a great goalie. According to some NHL experts that is what matters. All teams that have won the cup have a great guy in the net. We also have two great offensive lines. Usually we only have one but now we have two! So, to quote the title of this post. I am cautiously hopeful.

stupidity and needles

Before I write about stupidity and needles, I would like to rejoice that my keys are back in my possession. Fortunately, one of the strata council ladies has a son who is an elevator repair man. He graciously came and fished my keys out from underneath the elevator on Sunday afternoon. YAY! I can now take out the garbage.

On to stupidity and needles. Safety and blood gets talked about quite a lot in my profession. We wear latex gloves when there is the possibility of coming into contact with bodily fluids. We have special garbage bags for things that are soaked in bodily fluids. We are especially careful with blood and blood products. Over the past 10-20 years manufacturers have developed a number of 'safety needles'. Most needles now have protective coverings that go over the needles once it's been used. The needle used to start an IV retracts into a sheath with spring loaded action after you hit a button. This is to keep the IV starter from ever coming into contact with the needle.

Apparently there have been some issues. The needle isn't retracting expeditiously enough for some or at all for others. The manufacturer just released an advisory, including the following statement:

if retraction does not occur or is slow, depress the button again and do not manipulate the exposed needle by shaking or striking the needle

Who would do this?!! Seriously. Shaking the needle would be bad enough considering it's probably got blood in it. But striking the needle? Honestly. What exactly would you strike the needle with? Your other gloved hand? No, that hand is holding the IV in. Perhaps your leg? Perhaps you could strike the needle on various objects around the room. The bed? the siderail? I don't know. But most companies don't issue advisories like this unless someone has actually tried it. I hope whoever that was keeps it to themselves 'cause I might just have a hard time with that.

elevator

On days I work I am gone from my house for a very long time. I leave at 650 and usually get home at 830. If I decide to stop to grocery shop or run errands on the way home it pushes the arrival time to around 930 bringing the total time away from home to about 15 hours. Sooooooooo, last night, I grocery shop. I buy a relatively large amount of food 'cause I'm hosting a brunch on Sunday for 15 people. I drag all of my groceries onto the elevator and push 2. The door opens and I pull all of the bags off the elevator. My keys are in the pocket of my lululemon hoodie. The pockets are not that deep and as I lean over to pick up another bag, my keys slip out of my pocket and fall. Not that tragic except they fall down the elevator shaft. Yes folks, that's right, keys down the elevator shaft at 945 at night. Fortunately my friend Jonas has keys to my place. I wait in the hallway for about half an hour until he shows up with a huge grin on his face. He finds this incredibly amusing. I find it kind of amusing too. At some point I'd like my keys back. I knew there was more than just health benefits to not taking the elevator.

maternal thoughts

HA! I bet the title of this post had you shaking in your boots. Boots. Unfortunately, we still need these here in Van City because it's freezing and wet and nasty. That was a tangent. So, I discovered this website called Postcards from Yo Momma. If you have ever had a conversation with your mother that has made you roll your eyes or feel like you'll have a great story for the next dinner party you attend you must go there. Here is a sample of what you will find: (Just to clarify, this is NOT me, it's a sample from Postcards from Yo Momma)

me: I have a date saturday
mom: with brian?
me: yeah bryan he’s so nice
mom: you know the 90 day rule?
me: 90 day rule?
mom: yeah no major physical stuff and no major baring of the soul. it was on oprah hahahah. men need time and women need to hold them off haahah
me: ok mom.
mom: some book called act like a lady and think like a man
me: ok I’ll think like a man just for you

friends are so lovely

I saw this one night on the evening news. It made me teary in a good way and every time I've showed it to someone since I find myself welling up. It is so, so, so, so, lovely to be loved and to love. Even if you are an elephant and a dog:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjyb0t5Jm44

hubcaps and happiness

On Saturday, my brother, sister in law, parents and I gathered to have lunch to celebrate my dad's birthday. I arrived before my brother so I parked in the left hand spot. My brother pulled into the spot to the right of me. I was already settled inside chatting with my parents when my brother came in and said, "what the heck happened to your hubcaps?!" I responded, giggling, "well, they're plastic and I've had them for a while. I guess I've gotten a little too close to the curb a couple of times." And, as all good brothers do, he repeatedly teased me about this throughout the afternoon. I have learned over my life that the best thing to do with teasing brothers is too not react, but I've been out of practice for a few years and so I kept laughing at him which I'm sure was very encouraging. When we were all leaving he said, "buy hubcaps on the way home!!"

Yesterday, I was at work, on a break and I could hear my phone vibrating in my bag so I quickly grabbed it and answered. The following conversation ensued:

"hello?"

"It's Simon. Are you at home tonight?"

"Not until after 8. Why?"

"I'm coming over. For about 10 minutes"

"Okay. Why?"

"I have something to show you."

"Well, do you want me to come to your place on my way home?"

"Sure. see you later."

"okay."

Well, being a girl and being me, I start to wonder, what the heck?!! My brother rarely calls me and he never comes over for 10 minutes just to show me something. Anyway, I show up at his house, knock on the door, go in and there he is with four brand new hubcaps. I throw my head back and laugh. We go outside, he puts the hubcaps on my car, I hug him and say, "thanks, that was a nice older brother thing to do." He looks at me with a little smirk and says, "I didn't do it for you, I did it for me" which we all know isn't true.

spiritual direction and grammar

I am meeting with a spiritual director for the first time today. I am excited about this, especially after rereading her pamphlet. Continuing to grow and mature in my relationship with God honestly makes me a little giddy. What does He have for me? What will He call me to? How will He change me? How will He lead me? I love the quote at the end of the pamphlet.

"Put simply, life is a God-given opportunity to become who we are, to affirm
our own true spiritual nature, claim our truth, appropriate and integrate the
reality of our being but most of all to say, "YES" to the One who calls us
Beloved"

Henri Nouwen

On a completely different note. Today is national grammar day!!! It's a day to spell well, punctuate well and use words correctly!! YES!

what i've been doing

It's been almost a month since I posted. For two of those weeks I've been on vacation What have i been doing for those two weeks you ask? Well, I've been:

reading
saving sheep
painting my apartment
throwing stuff away
having days of fun with friends
visiting a cheese farm
visiting a winery
teaching someone scrabble who speaks english as a second language
contemplating what it means to be loved with an incorruptible love
prepping to lead 500 women in worship
writing a song
laughing
crying
spending an entire afternoon with my pregnant friend sitting on a couch doing absolutely nothing except chatting and giggling
drinking coffee
knitting
absolutely loving life

Now on Friday i have to go back to work...

president who?

My friend works at an inner city after school program. One day recently they were discussing the new President of the United States.

"does anyone know who Obama is?"

"he's the new president."

"does anyone know who the first president of the USA was?"

"George Washington."

"Can you think of anyone else named George who was president?'

"George Bush."

Then one of the kids wanted to ask a question:

"When was George Clooney president?"

Now there's a kid after my own heart.

the cleaning philosopher

I spoke to our new cleaning lady yesterday. First of all, she was stunned I actually spoke to her 'cause generally, as stupid as this sounds, nurses don't converse with cleaning people, unless it's to tell them to clean something faster. Anyway, I digress. So, she was cleaning my patient's room and I said, "hello, I'm Laura, what's your name?" "Boujana (?sp)." " where are you from?" "Poland." "thank you for cleaning my patient's room." "it's my job." "well, I really couldn't do my job if you weren't here, so thank you." Our conversation continued beyond the necessity of the housekeeper. Boujana has been in Canada for over 10 years and feels very embarrassed about her english. I asked her what she used to do in Poland. She looked at me sheepishly and I told her it was fine if she didn't want to tell me, but I could tell she kind of wanted to. So I waited. She said, "I was a Philosophy professor at a university." Now she cleans floors and beds and empties gigantic garbage cans. She said she just doesn't look back because it's better here and her children are happy and they are all in school. She has four children. The oldest is 21 and the youngest is 12. She said they are safe and they will get jobs. She smiled at me and said, "thank you for asking me my name. thank you for asking me questions." I said, "you're welcome and thank you."

New Year

As most people, I have been thinking about the last year and anticipating the year to come. In 2008, I bought a condo, travelled to India, worked through some difficult relationships, made some excellent new friends, said goodbye to others, witnessed some medical miracles, caught my first fish, danced at some weddings, laughed until I cried and cried until I fell asleep. I know Jesus a little more than I did this time last year and I am a little more changed.

Although I don't know what 2009 holds, I'm sure it will be full of beauty and sorrow, excitement and boredom, love and hate, expected and unexpected. Even though I don't know what this year holds I do know Who holds it. I take great comfort in knowing the One who knows all of my days before one of them even happens. Today, while making some goals for the year ahead I decided on some verses that will be my theme. Psalm 91:1,2. "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Lord. I will say to the Lord, 'My refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.'"

May 2009 be a year of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control for you, the ones you love and the world.