oblivion

On Christmas Day I hosted 10 people for dinner. My aunt and uncle were among the crowd. They are both in their 80's and live on Saltspring Island. They are both independent and function very well. They drive a Pathfinder. Somehow the topic of driving came up and my aunt said, "oh, I'm not a good driver at all" which is a completely true statement. It's a wonder she has never had any major accidents. She got ticketed in California for failing to merge at an adequate speed and had to be coached via loud speaker by the Highway Patrol man how to merge properly. I'm not sure what he thought she was going to do once she reached intended speed, but that was about 20 years ago and she's around to tell the tale. The key to her driving success is her complete oblivion to the other drivers around her.

Her oblivion has also served her well in other ways. She told us a story of when her and my Uncle were in Fiji. She took a multi day trip on a small boat to some remote islands. They anchored off shore and took some smaller boats in to explore for a while. Once the exploration was done she decided to swim back to the main boat. My aunt is an excellent swimmer and has incredible endurance in the water. she said the boat didn't seem too far away so off she went. She said she was a little more than halfway back when she could hear some people yelling in "what seemed to be a frantic tone. I stopped and treaded water for a few seconds and realized they were yelling, 'sharks, sharks!'" "I looked back at the shore and thought, 'that's a long way to go.' so I just kept going." the whole time she's telling this portion of the story she's making small breast stroke motions just above her plate with her fork dangling in her right hand. There is absolutely no trace of panic or distress in the tone of her voice at all. "The captain was very angry at me when I finally made it back to the boat. He just kept saying, 'why did you do that? did you see any of us swimming? why did you do that?'" Auntie Margaret kind of giggled at this point and said, "I knew I could make it to the boat. It really wasn't that far." 8 of us are staring at her in disbelief while my uncle just keeps eating his turkey. Oblivion is a beautiful thing.

gifts

The other day at work I heard a conversation. "What's the point of all these gifts?" "yeah, I know. Every year I buy crap for people and I'm never really excited about it. It seems so pointless." I'm not sure how the conversation ended but it got me thinking.

I love to give presents. I love to find things for people that I know they will love. The joy it gives my heart to watch someone open a gift they aren't expecting is worth every penny I spend. I also enjoy receiving gifts. It's fun and heart warming to receive something from someone simply because they love me and thought of me.

Often the gift is more reflective of the giver than the recipient. How much time and effort was put into the gift. How well they know the person receiving the gift. How deep the emotions are for the person they are giving to. So much is wrapped up in a gift.

At Christmas we remember a significant gift. The most important gift. God the Father gave His Son to the very world He created. Jesus, came in the form of a helpless baby and gave Himself to the people He molded. To the people He knew before they even breathed their first breath. He gave Himself into the hands that would one day bind Him to a tree to pay for the sins of those He made. He, God incarnate, subjected Himself to full dependency. He needed to be fed, changed, taught and protected.

We give gifts to remind us that He gave the ultimate gift. I think if we remember that then giving gifts does mean something. It means we understand, even a little, how to love someone.

switch a pic

"who wants to work on a picture together?" she asked. "No wait, we should all start pictures and then switch every 2 minutes and see what happens." So that's what we did. Crayons in hand we all started to draw. some random. some intentional. Ding! switch your pic. Quickly there were aliens floating in the sky and care bears in a grave yard. The pictures were colourful and eclectic. But we all had our hands in all of it.

It's fun to see what happens when you let someone else draw on your picture. It's so much more than you ever imagined it could be.

rainbow

Oh how I wish I had my camera so I could show you the sight I saw right at the end of today. A beautiful, perfect rainbow arced high in the sky. The color was brilliant. It was so easy to delineate the red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet. I stood at the patient's window with a big grin on my face. "what do you see that's making you smile like that?" "It 's a rainbow. A really beautiful rainbow." My impulse took over and I kicked the brake off the bed and rolled her bed to the window so she could see it too. We both looked out the window. I sighed. Faintly I heard, "thank you." "you're welcome."

Because the rainbow represents the promise of God to never flood the whole world again my mind went to that story and all the promises He has made. A former pastor of mine said, "when you hear the promises of God it's as good as hearing history." In other words, the promises of God are so true and so sure that we could write it in a history book for all to see. I sit here thinking of all the promises I know. Promise of eternal life. Promise of life and life to the full. Promise of a hope and a future. Other promises that God has whispered into my heart and my ears.

Thank You for the rainbow. Thank You for Your promises. Thank you for keeping Your promises. Thank You.

alternative driving

As I was walking home from buying new shoes today I saw a sight I had never seen before. A man, driving a car, very well, with his left foot. All decorum within me fled and I stood on the corner watching him drive slowly by with the steering wheel between his big toe and his second toe. I stood and watched as he turned left into the lane. It was a sight to behold. He was driving with his foot because he had no arms. amazing.

panic and relief

I experienced panic and relief in the span of about 45 seconds today. I had breakfast with a friend. Then I got on the bus to make it to my next social engagement which was coffee with another friend. While on the bus I realized I would make it to our meeting place a little early so I gave her a call. I put my cell phone back in my jacket pocket. I pulled the string on the bus to get off at the next stop. About 10 seconds after I got off the bus I put my hand in my pocket....NO PHONE!! surge of adrenalin, increased heart rate. Crap! I left it on the bus. I turned around and realized the bus was at a red light. I ran toward the bus and got to the front of the bus as a very nice man was handing my phone to the bus driver. I tapped lightly on the window and yelled, "It's mine! It's mine!" The very cute bus driver threw his head back, opened his mouth and laughed out loud. He opened the door and handed me my phone. I said, "thank you, thank you, thank you!"

waiting

Waiting is difficult. I am not very good at it. Yesterday was particularly hard for me. I found myself spontaneously starting to cry because I am tired of waiting. In my soul I would say to God "what is the point of all this waiting?"

Now I could tell you about how I can see that in waiting I see things that I would never have seen should I not have to wait. Or how waiting helps me to be patient. Or how certain experiences in my relationship with Jesus would never have come about if I didn't have to wait. But I'm not going to tell you that.

I asked God "what is the point of all this waiting?" and He said, "I'm doing things you know nothing about."

hearts

This past week has been a journey of hearts. Hearts that have been broken. Hearts that have been filled. Hearts that are changing. And hearts that are focusing. Oddly, none of these hearts are mine but I have been deeply affected by all of them.

I have never had more people in my home who have sat on my couch and weeped. And I have wept with them. It is difficult to know how to help someone when their hearts are broken. I can't heal their hearts even though I would love to do nothing more.

I have watched some of my friends in the anticipation of new love and new life and I have smiled along with them. Truly, there is nothing as joy inducing as watching someone potentially fall in love.

I have seen people who are shifting the paths they are walking and have been in awe as their hearts are changed. Shifting paths are sometimes difficult but always worth it. It makes me long to continue to walk in the change in my own heart.

I have watched my friends who are navigating a new path in life and are learning how to make it all work. They are focusing their direction toward one another. I think the focused heart is the most poignant. It calls for a tearing away of the unimportant. It calls for consciously choosing. It calls for sacrifice.

May all our hearts be broken and renewed and shifted and focused.

squash extravaganza!

When I arrived home from writing class I checked my messages. One of the messages was from my delightful friend Karla who had come up with the idea to cook various types of squash just to try them out. I jumped at the idea. So at 6pm, with squash in hand, Karla arrived at my house. Sarah Jane, a former student turned friend, had been at my house all afternoon visiting and she was game for squash night too. The cooking began. Fortunately I have recently purchased some Henckel knives which made cutting the squash a lot easier. In the long run we had spaghetti squash with spaghetti sauce, an acorn squash stuffed with Spanish rice and baked with mozzarella and another kind of squash that I can't remember the name of just baked with some spice. DELISH!! The first pic is of Karla and I wearing toques I knit (I'm on a toque knitting frenzy). The second pic is my plate of squash before I ate it. I'll be sure to invite you next time!!

fun, fun and more fun!

This past weekend was fantastic. I don't think it would be possible to pack more fun into three days. My weekend began on Friday. I had a cinnamon bun and coffee with my friend Beth. The more I get to know Beth the more I like her. She is fun and funny. She is thoughtful and wise. She has fabulous curly hair and a wonderful smile. Beth invited me to a ceilidh. That's pronounced kay-lee. Essentially it's a Scottish square dance. I loved it and my calves, right at the top just below the knee, have been on fire for the last three days. The flames are starting to dissipate now, thankfully.

After coffee with Beth, my friend Jonas and I went to Value Village to buy him a Halloween costume. Jonas is from Switzerland and he has never celebrated Halloween before. I dressed him up as a mad scientist, wig and all. He's a really good sport. I also took him to JJ Bean for an americano. This was his first americano from JJ Bean. It was fun to watch him drink it. The day progressed to dinner at Andi's then the ceilidh.

Saturday began with my writing class and ended at Fright Nights at Playland. Me, Sabrina, Luc and Jonas dressed up in our costumes (I was a pirate wench) and hung out there all evening and laughed and screamed and had a lot of fun. I think one of highlights of the evening was the hilarity surrounding the caramel apples. You know how you have a caramel apple at a fair in the summer and it's soft and delicious? Well, it doesn't work that way in October on a clear night in Vancouver. The four of us got our caramel apples and tried to bite only to discover that the caramel was as hard as a rock. Then I had a bright idea. There are heat lamps everywhere!! The caramel will soften and it will be just like the middle of the summer!!! Well, the caramel softened but it was still only 5 degrees outside.

The haunted houses, the hellevator, the roller coaster and Luc screaming his head off were worth every penny of the admission price.

Sunday was church and tea and scones with my parents. Karla, Beth, Sabrina and I went and had real English tea and scones made by my mother. Sitting with British people drinking tea and eating scones is the way it should be. It just makes the entire experience more real. My mum's scones also reminded me why I really don't like store bought ones. It's just not the same.

Getting up for work wasn't that difficult this morning when I thought about how great my weekend had been. I was actually thankful I had a job to go to.

kindergarten memory

A few minutes ago I was thinking about kindergarten. I was 4 when I went into kindergarten, not because of my brilliance, but because my birthday falls in the last quarter of the year. I remember my teacher, Mrs. Sinclair, who had long, flowing dark brown hair. I often wanted to touch it. Her hair looked silky. She had the same last name as our principal and even in kindergarten this did not pass us by. "are they married?" "do they love each other?" "Will they have babies one day?" It turns out they just had the same last name. End of story. Kindergarten was more an exercise of learning self restraint for me than anything. Waiting my turn in the sand area. Waiting my turn at the water station. Waiting to answer the questions Mrs. Sinclair was asking. Waiting, waiting, waiting. What took people so long to come up with the answers anyway? It was soooooooooo obvious. In my first report card Mrs. Sinclair wrote "Laura's extensive leadership skills sometimes come across as bossiness on the playground." How poor Mrs. Sinclair must have poured over that sentence. She probably thought, "How do I tell these parents that their daughter is annoying the heck out of all the other kids by telling them what to do?" She needn't have worried. My poor parents were very attuned to the fact that I was bossy. I think they knew I'd figure it out in the end. My mom was wise enough to know that, deep down, having friends was more important to me than telling people what to do. I would also like to inform you that in my final kindergarten report card Mrs. Sinclair wrote, "Laura has effectively learned how to hone her leadership skills on the playground. She is a happy and delightful child to teach." I think she was just relieved to send me to Grade One.

thoughts

I've had a few thoughts today:

1) I really like my new roommate. In fact, I love her in the purely platonic sense of the word. There is no telling how happy it makes me that she likes to clean as much as or more than me. Not to mention that her mere presence makes me smile. She's the bee's knees!
2) Small gestures speak volumes and there have been a few small gestures in the last couple of days that have made my heart sing.
3) My new turkey chili recipe is a keeper. YES!
4) I like cookies a lot. I especially like them when someone else bakes them and leaves them at my house.
5) My friend Beth makes me think. Perhaps she should be mentoring me instead of the other way around.
6) It's unbelievably difficult, and I dare say, impossible to love God and love people on my own strength. I am truly thankful for Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Where would I be without them?

beauty

As I pull up to the intersection my eyes go to the lady decked out in yellow. Yellow rain coat, yellow rain pants, yellow construction helmet. Red stop sign. She appears older than she probably is because her skin is weathered. Her hair is damaged from a few bad dye jobs and it is pulled back into a ponytail with an ugly black scrunchy. Who thought of the scrunchy anyway? I am drawn to her because she is drawn to the strikingly beautiful woman walking across the street in front of her. This woman is perfectly put together and she is not wearing a stitch of yellow. Beautiful black leather boots, dark wash jeans, wool pea coat and a lovely scarf draped perfectly. Her umbrella poised above her pretty hair. The lady in yellow watches this other woman for a fleeting moment. As she watches, her hands reach up to the collar of her rain coat and I see her straighten the fleece jacket she has underneath the slicker so the collars of both coats are aligned. It is her one attempt at beauty. Underneath all of that rubberized clothing she is still a woman and she still wants to be beautiful. Even while standing on a street corner in the pouring rain flipping a sign from stop to slow she longs to be beautiful. And she is beautiful to someone even if she doesn't meet the "criteria" for beauty. She is beautiful simply because she is and there is beauty in everyone.

birthday frivolity

Every year my birthday just seems to get better and better. Generally, I end up having a birthday week. This year it all started on Monday at Thanksgiving dinner at my parents. Pumpkin Pie AND cake. It was delicious! As the week went on I got various birthday wishes culminating in celebrations on the actual day!! Saturday my day started with my writing class which I am loving more and more each week. Then I had lunch with my new roommate Sabrina and coffee with my friend Kveta. Shopping at RW&Co. because I got 25% off on my birthday. I got some nice new tops and a lovely new coat.

Then Saturday night happened. Around 6 (some of my friends have issues with the clock) my friends began to arrive with delicious things they had cooked for me. There was tomato and bocconcini salad, shepherd's pie, zucchini casserole, tomato and mozzarella dip, homemade foccacia bread, cheese biscuits and more stuff I'm not remembering. It was delicious!! As we finished the meal our evening transitioned into a spontaneous round of "would you rather..." lead by my friend Beth. The pinnacle 'would you rather' was, "would you rather have your knee joints bend the wrong way or have your bumb in the front?" Envision that for a moment. Is there really a choice there? Eventually, after much deliberation, I chose the knees.

The next game was creating an answer to a theme. The first round was, "what would you have gotten Laura for her birthday if you could have?" Everyone would then hand their answers in and we all had to guess who had written what. The next question was, "What do you think the title of Laura's book should be?" The final round was, "What would you be totally shocked to see Laura wearing?" Clearly, I was the theme for this game and I liked that. I think some of my favorite answers were "Confessions of a beer slinging nurse" "Speed skating suit." "Soft helmet" "a ring with no diamonds". I'll leave it to you to figure out which category those belong in.

The best part of my birthday is spending time with the people I love and those who love me. I love the cards people buy and the sentiments they relay. Thank you to everyone who made my birthday so special. I love you all.

hardly strictly

This past weekend I spent two and a half days in Golden Gate Park in San Francisco with about 50,000 other people at the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival. You can see some of my new friends in the picture above. We listened to the sweet sounds of bluegrass and other beautiful music. I loved it. Neko Case, Gillian Welch, Emmylou Harris, Buddy Miller, Ricky Scaggs, Earl Scruggs...I could go on and on. Charlie Louvin is an 80 year old man who is apparently a giant in the bluegrass world. The guy still has stage presence. The Sadies are from Toronto and the lead guys are two brothers. For the last half of their set their mom and dad sang with them. I kept wishing I could get invited for Christmas. The sing alongs would be fun! The entire festival was unbelievable and it was all FREE!!

Eight of us travelled down to San Fran in two vehicles. Me, Kenton, Kathleen, Chris, Tim, Patrick, Lorraine and Brett. My car and Kenton's parents van made their way down 1600km of the I-5 overnight on Thursday. This picture was a common sight when I would look out the front window. And the picture below is driving into the city. This is the Bay Bridge. If you haven't been to San Fran you should go. It's great. The people of San Fran are incredibly friendly and helpful. It's pretty easy to get lost in San Fran but someone will kindly help you get on the right track again.

On Sunday evening our group split. 3 of us drove home overnight and 5 stayed behind. My new friends Patrick and Tim and I all wanted to get home for thanksgiving dinner. So off we went on the 16 hour drive home. Inadvertently we drove over the Golden Gate Bridge which we were not supposed to do but we did, much to Tim's delight. It is a pretty impressive structure. Even though our diversion took us in the wrong direction we quickly fixed it and found ourselves on the I-5 heading north. The crazy thing is I can get onto to the I-5 at any point between here and Mexico and drive straight north without having to turn until I get to the street I live on. When you cross the border at Peace Arch the I-5 turns into the 99 which turns into Oak Street. One right hand turn off of the street and you're at my house. This was a weekend for the history books. I will never be the same again.

sign of jonah

If you read the post before this you will see that I thought my friend Vanessa would give birth to her son Jonah on my birthday which isn't until the 13th of October. God had other plans. Jonah arrived last night at 220. Safely, healthy. Vanessa and Brian are holding their baby in their arms and fully in their hearts. As someone looking in from the outside, I think the early arrival of Jonah is merciful and gracious toward Brian and Vanessa. They were both afraid. Afraid that the same thing would happen again that happened last time. Afraid that this baby they were longing for would be taken from them at the last second. So God gave him to them a little earlier than anticipated.

The story of Jonah in the bible becomes a metaphor for Jesus hundreds of years later. Jesus himself refers to the sign of Jonah. That he will be gone for three days and then rise again. Jonah was in the great fish for three days; Jesus was in the tomb. Both were given new life and as a result many others were given new life. In Jonah's case it was the people of Nineveh; with Jesus it IS the whole world.

With new baby Jonah I think God is speaking to us. He is reminding us that there is new life all around. He is telling us that stories do continue past tragedy. Those stories can be full of joy and life to the full. May we all be able to see God speaking to us through other's lives. May other people be able to see God through us. We are all stories of life and, hopefully, life to the full.

My heart is full

What a fabulous weekend. Celebrating my friends birthday, starting my writing class, participating in a "mother blessing" and getting my house ready for my new roommate.

Writing class is great and I am excited to see what could be accomplished in 8 short weeks. Of course there is the quintessential person with very few social graces who has difficulty interpreting the mood of the room. I am trying to find it amusing. Maybe I will share some of the shorter pieces I complete in this format. There was a discussion about whether or not blogs were considered creative non-fiction and the teacher said blogging was more free and not as thoughtful as true creative non-fiction. I may introduce her to some of my more thoughtful friends who blog and blog well....Brandon and Beth.

Saturday afternoon a group of women got together for a "mother blessing" for our friend Vanessa. Vanessa has experienced tragedy unlike any of us could imagine. Last summer her baby died a few days before she was born. I have seen a lot of death and I have seen a lot of grieving and if grieving can be done well, no one has done it better than Vanessa and her husband Brian. In two short weeks their baby Jonah will arrive. On my birthday. Before the mother blessing we were given instructions to buy two beads. One for Vanessa and one for Jonah. The beads for Vanessa were made into a necklace for her and the beads for Jonah were made into a bracelet...which turned into three bracelets because there were so many beads. We were to pick beads that said something significant to Vanessa and Jonah. It was fascinating and heart warming to hear how each person thoughtfully chose their beads. Thematically strength and beauty shone through. I left the gathering full in my heart. Words of love and friendship and divinity swirled in my head. The moments were a picture of the intended way. This is how we are to speak to one another, about one another. It was a glimpse into glory.

I can't wait to meet Jonah and hold him in my arms. As one of the women at the Mother Blessing prayed, he is a picture of the hope that God can bring life in the midst of death. That He shines through the darkness. That the hope of glory overrides the despair of reality. Ultimately. It is what keeps us walking with our heads held high. It is what keeps us praying for seemingly miraculous things.

where are we all going?

For about 2 minutes the skytrain runs parallel with highway #1. The train goes about as fast as the traffic going eastbound. The skytrain car was quite full and there were many cars on the road. As I was riding the rails this morning on my way to work I thought to myself, "Where in the world are we all going and why?!!" What motivates us all to get up and make ourselves look decent and go to these jobs to make money? Why on earth are we speeding, walking quickly, frantically moving through time and space to get to jobs? I know these aren't new questions and I'm sure we've all asked them, but it struck me. Definitely not going to attempt answering these questions. I think it's good for them to linger for a while.

As I was getting ready this morning I realized that I spent Monday driving around with no car insurance!!! My stomach went into a knot and I thought of all the horrible things that could have happened and the unbelievable amount of money I would have had to find if those things had happened. On Monday I had a passenger for the majority of the day...what if? what if? These thoughts quickly turned to thanksgiving for the protection of Jesus and how He was unknowingly working on my behalf. I'm pretty sure this happens more often than I realize.

caulking

I am in Winnipeg right now visiting my friend Laura and her husband Jason. I have a lovely room. The nights are cool and crisp and the days are warm and sunny. At least they have been for the day and a half I've been here.

Jason is entrenched in a full on war with the wasps that have invaded the carport. Right after Laura and I got home last night Jason greeted us warmly and then grabbed his caulking gun to "seal those suckers in the wall." It is very amusing to watch this man who is in a battle with bugs. This morning he could hardly contain himself to see whether or not "the caulking had killed those suckers dead." When Laura and I arrived home this afternoon from the farmer's market, the corn maze and a little bit of trendy shopping, we encountered the caulking gun just outside the back door. I guess the suckers haven't died yet.

definitely

I don't know about anyone else but I wish people would learn how to spell....especially the word definitely. DefinAtely is WRONG!! There is no A in definitely. It has an I not an A. If you've been spelling it wrong and you're my friend, I still love you, but please change.

Grace

Many interesting people have crossed my path this week. The person who stands out among the crowd is an Iraqi woman I have had the privilege of talking to a few times. On Saturday, after meeting her a couple of times, we started really talking about Iraq. I could see the sadness on her face as she talked about her country saying, "no matter what, the place you love is the place you were born." She said the people truly believed that their country would be better without Saddam and now no one believes it will ever be okay. She said, "how can Iraq ever be okay again?" My heart honestly ached as I listened to her and thought to myself, "where is grace in this situation?"

Where is grace in so many situations? When someone who wounded you is now wounded, what is the response that is full of grace? What happens to your heart when someone you've wounded responds with true grace? It's disarming isn't it? Today during our gathering our pastor had a brilliant revelation...to have the whole congregation serve each other communion while saying, "Grace be with you." Watching from behind my keyboard I found myself moved as the body of Christ served each other the remembrance of His body and blood. This is the picture the world needs to see; serving, loving and grace filled...truly grace filled.

cat's ass = bees knees

People say funny things sometimes. Apparently this generation has a new version "the bees knees". It's "the cat's ass". As in, "she's the cat's ass". I heard this on the skytrain this morning. I also heard someone say " you're so hot that if I was a pot roast I'd be done." Oh the nuggets of hilarity that you can experience...especially if you eavesdrop on public transportation. It's a gold mine!

By the way, frangible is a real word. I looked it up in the dictionary.

3 blocks is a long way

My friend had knee surgery a few days ago. I spent some time with him today and did some nursey things 'cause I like it and when someone needs nursing it just happens. Part of being a nurse is getting people to do what they don't want to do or maybe what they're reluctant to do. So it was time to go for a little journey. My idea was for him to get outside for a few minutes by going down the block and back. His idea was to get coffee. We found it about 3 blocks later. Then it was 3 blocks home. It was hard and he was tired but he did good. I think he'll sleep pretty well tonight...of course the narcotics will help.

but by grace

While I was baking chocolate lava cakes on Friday evening in anticipation of a lovely evening with friends I watched/listened to the news. This is sometimes not a good idea because, as we all know, the horrible stuff can be so debilitating. I found myself mixing batter with a little more vigor at times in response to what I was hearing and watching. Parents accused of ridding themselves of their child, a judge who took advantage of his position by taking advantage of disenfranchised youth, people maimed at the hands of the western world just so we can keep on having all the things we have. I was very angry. I still am. All of these stories piled on to the individual stories I had heard all week. The man who just found out he has cancer in his brain and his 22 year old son who has to deal with all the decisions. The son having to do this by himself because his father has alienated every other person in his life. I never met the son in person but he sounded too mature for his age on the phone. That made me sad. I'm sure all of this is making you sad too.

Then my pastor spoke this morning about how we need to recognize that any of those stories could be us but for the grace of God. Thus our only response, my only response has to be compassion because God has been compassionate to me. when I walk past someone on the street and think, "They have decided their way into that position" I need to remember that could have been me. God has poured out his grace on me and I must pour out grace on them. On each person I meet each day.

But for the grace of God go I.

blessings

What shall I do today? I will laugh, joke, work, play. I will probably grieve a little because things are changing and change is hard even when it's good. But change is what gets us to the places we are supposed to be.

My friend Kim is marrying Justin tomorrow. I like him. I like him with her. I hope for them blessings of love, joy and peace, and happiness. Blessings of endurance and steadfastness. Blessings of the presence of God and all His presence encompasses. Blessings to you my friend on this most special day. I love you.

no horseplay

I worked today in the ICU. In June the ICU moved into a beautiful new unit. It is honestly spectacular. The old unit is now being renovated into a swanky new cardiac surgery ICU. Outside the construction area is a list of rules. Rule #5 is "Absolutely no horseplay allowed." I found myself standing in front of the large list of rules laughing to myself.

First, why does this need to be on the list of rules? why on earth would men, or women for that matter, using dangerous power tools, like nail guns, actually engage in horseplay? and how is horseplay actually defined? so here's what Mr. Webster says, "rough or boisterous play or pranks." come to think of it horseplaying with a nail gun might actually be fun.

Second, why does horseplay need to be banned? From my experience with some pretty serious stuff a little horseplay might do us all some good....but perhaps not with a nail gun!

Thoughts

This picture below is of Harriet. She's the matriarch ewe of the flock of sheep that reside on my uncle's land on Saltspring. She's probably the ugliest sheep I've ever seen and she has a distorted bleat. It's actually hilarious. Watching the sheep in their stupidity-they actually run toward a car when it's driving toward them-I wonder to myself: "Does God laugh to Himself that we are his sheep?" When you think about it it's pretty insulting that we get called sheep. Maybe that's not the point though. Maybe the point is that God is so amazing because He actually chooses to shepherd us. We really are stupid but He is really compassionate and patient. He continues to love us and lead us even when we run toward the big moving vehicle.

Yesterday I met a 42 year old who is dying of cancer. I was infuriated when I looked out his window and saw that he was spending his last days looking at an ugly hospital building. On the other side of that hospital building is the city and the water and the mountains. Beauty. It resides beyond that building. I found myself praying that he would be moved to another ward where he could at least look on the beauty of the earth as he breathes his last breaths.

That was at work....downtown I walked past a woman who was begging who had one arm and had obviously been burned in an accident of some sort. I walked past her, stopped, turned around and went back to her. "what are you doing out here?" "I'm trying to get money to feed my kids...I'm not homeless. I don't live on the street. I've done that before and I'm never doing it again." "how many children do you have?" "10 but only 2 live with me." "Why?" "I was a drug addict, prostitute and most of my kids are old enough now to live on their own." "How old are you?" "39...I have 5 grandchildren." "How did you get your injuries?" "My mother did it to me when I was a baby." "I'm so sorry. You are very beautiful." "Thank you." "My pleasure."

Tonight I will go and play music with friends. Sometimes that helps make sense of things. It at least makes the fury of life beautiful for a little while. A taste of what is to come. A taste of the way it is intended to be.

terrace

This is me shooting a potato gun. It was so great!!! That's Dave watching with great awe how far the potato would go. Last weekend I went to Terrace with Dave and Karla and had one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. On Saturday we drove for 15 hours including stops and made it to Terrace by 915pm. In 100 mile house I bought a Crossword scratch and win and won $3 which got me a second one for free. We decided to see how long I could play off the original card. Well, it turns out I played a total of 5 cards before I lost losing the original $3 after all!!! It was fun though.














The second picture is Dave's Dad holding a cedar plank fitted with freshly caught salmon and halibut. It was then cooked over an open fire. AMAZING!!! When the meal was completed with sour cherry pie made by Dave's mom I can't even tell you how great.















On Monday Karla, Scott and I went hiking with Karla's crazy dutch dad. Suffice it to say that Karla and I were wearing shorts, tank tops and hoodies, carrying our bathing suits in our backpacks thinking, "let's swim when we get to the top!" DUMB! It was really cold and we hiked into the clouds. Wind blowing like you wouldn't believe. At the top, all we could think about was getting to the bottom and having coffee which turned out to be fab. The picture above is one of the spectacular views we had when we weren't in the clouds. The lake is where David and Karla got married.

The final picture is the clouds from the plane on the way home. Flying in a 30 seater plane is fun. I am so thankful for the weekend I had. It was fun and refreshing. I also had encouraging conversations with different people who said so many things that touched my soul and they don't even know how much it meant. Thank you Jesus for your creation, the beauty and your people whom you use without them even knowing it.

love or desire?

This week has been a whirlwind. 48 hours of work and 10 hours of recording so far. Fortunately, I was able to fit in dinner with a good friend before he left for a few weeks. We had amazing conversation that was challenging and refreshing. We were talking about how we live our daily lives and how our relationship with God fits into all of that. He shared with me that he asks himself, "Is this being directed by heavenly love or earthly desire?" Obviously, if we are being directed by heavenly love our decisions will be beneficial to all, not just ourselves. If we are being directed by heavenly love, the joy and satisfaction of others will be put in front of our own. However, if the opposite is true, our decisions will only benefit ourselves. Others may be wounded or misdirected in our process of selfishness. Whether it is the way we drive or how we function in our relationships. From the small decisions to the life changing ones. I think it's a really good question: "Is this directed by heavenly love or earthly desire?" Not only that, if we function out of earthly desire we are actually displaying how little we know God. If we know God we will show that by being directed by heavenly love. It's complicated and against our nature because we are sinful. Fortunately, if we know Jesus, we have His Spirit, and living by this heavenly love is actually possible.

"My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love---so you can't know Him if you don't love." 1 John 4:7, 8 The Message

change afoot

Normalcy is sometimes my biggest teacher. When things are exciting and new and unexpected it's easy to be distracted from myself and life around me. When things are normal...get up, go to work, come home, repeat...I cannot get away. A large voice inside of me screams "there is more, there is new, the time is now." Perhaps allowing normalcy to reign for a little while will be all I need to move, to change, to step. Wait for it. It will happen.

This is a picture of my hiking boots that were on my feet for the majority of last weekend. They are beautiful and dirty. My feet were kept pristine while inside them. There was a lot of rain and a few creeks that were stepped in but they did their job exceedingly well. I should go back to MEC and thank the sales person who sold them to me.

fabulous folk fest and friends

This is a picture of my folk festival booklet. I love this booklet because it helped me decide which music I would spend all day Saturday and Sunday listening to. And really, is there any better way to spend aaaaaaaaallllllllllll weekend than listening to and watching amazing musicians who love what they do and are really good at it?!! I think not!! My heart was honestly warmed through listening to these amazing people who have dedicated their lives to that which moves them. My heart was even more warmed when my friend Karla turned to me and said, "I am so glad you came this weekend."

I was challenged this weekend to the depths of my soul. I have flitted around the edges of writing music and prose but sometimes I am afraid of what jumping in will do to me. What will it do to my life if I actually give in to this? What will it do to my life if I don't? How do I go about finding out?

Right now, today, I know that parts of my life are not what I want them to be. Other parts are better than I imagined they could be. I've written before about how I am so blessed to have the friends I do. Here are Dave and Karla and I at the Folk Festival on Sunday evening waiting for The Be Good Tanya's to start. Aren't they lovely? I think so.

healing presence

Have you ever started the day knowing that there is no way you are going to make it through the worship and the sermon without crying a few tears, if not sobbing? Have you ever been surprised by the number of tears your tear ducts can release in one 24 hour period? Have you ever had your heart hurt from morning until evening?

Have you ever been surprised by how being in the healing presence of marvelous people can make those tears an almost distant memory even though they never really knew?

I have...today and tonight. They are Jesus to me.

glorious day

Canada Day could not have been better. It was actually glorious!!! My friend Bobbi and I greet you with the great Canadian tradition of great Canadian beer. Made on Granville Island, which is also where it was enjoyed, while listening to jazz played by Bob Murphy and his cronies, who hail from the beautiful city of Vancouver. I loved every second of this experience!

The day started out even better though...if that could be possible!! Bobbi, me and our friends Scott, Cathy and Bryan walked across the Cambie Street Bridge to the Round House to see The Flat Earth Society. This was one of the greatest experiences of my life. The Big Band in a new and modern way. It was a musical delight and free to boot! The piece de resistance however was this lovely couple. They sat right in front of us in matching Canada Day outfits. Hint: the hat with the flower belongs to the wife. This picture doesn't show the fabulous stadium seating chairs complete with pockets. I was incredibly tempted to help myself to the pop they had in the back pocket. I loved this so much because I was in Yaletown, one of the swankiest neighbourhoods in my beloved city, and here were these people who really didn't care that they looked silly. It was fabulous!!

When my eyes weren't fixated on the beautiful red t shirts worn by the lovely couple, I was looking over their shoulders to the stage to behold the sexiest saxophone player I have ever espied. Not only could he play the dang thing he looked amazing doing it!! He's the one in the purple shirt. The pic is a little fuzzy. It's hard to take a clear picture when you're so taken with the subject. Fortunately the music was loud enough to cover up the frequent sighing.....siiiiiiiiiiiiiggggghhhhh!

Other highlights include my first ever ride on the Aqua Bus, a delicious chocolate muffin with butter cream icing, JJ Bean americano and unbelievable Indian food. Could anyone ever tire of Butter Chicken? Walking home just before the sky becomes completely dark in the succulent coolness of the evening was the culmination.

thank you Lord for letting me live in this glorious world with glorious people at this glorious time. It is splendour!

drink

A person can only survive for three days without something to drink. Water is necessary for our bodies to work. Everything slows down, becomes sluggish. The mouth becomes dry. The heart beats faster because there is less blood to pump. Blood pressure will drop because blood vessels aren't as full as they should be. Things just don't work like they're supposed to.

I think it's weird that I can't just drink once and get it over with. Why can't I have have one big glass of water and be done with it? That would mean I would have no dependence on anything. But aren't we supposed to depend? It keeps us humble and grateful.

The physical thirst we have serves to remind us of our emotional and spiritual thirst. It reminds us that our dependence extends beyond a glass of water. We need people to know us and quench us. There really is nothing more comforting than being in the presence of people who know us and receive us anyway. Knowing glances between people that can result in gales of laughter or tears welling up. No words, just knowledge. Sometimes it's scary. What if I get hurt or taken advantage of? What if my feelings become more vulnerable? Isn't it worth being scared sometimes? I think getting past that fear can open doors to places that can't be explained, just experienced.

We are also reminded that we need Jesus to quench that deep thirst that can't really be explained. It's just there and we all know we have it. The beautiful thing is that He can and will satisfy that deep thirst if we allow Him to. But it's scary isn't it? What if I get hurt or taken advantage of? What if my feelings become raw and vulnerable? What if I actually need to submerge myself in that water instead of just sipping at the surface?

Isn't it worth being scared sometimes? I think getting past that fear can open doors to places that can't be explained....they must be experienced.

quotes of various kinds

I really love quotes. Don't you? some are inspiring, some are annoying and some are downright funny. Often when I read a book, a phrase or a sentence or two will jump out at me and I think, "I have to write that down. It's fantastic." Or I'll be talking to someone and they'll say something that amuses me or touches me and I will make a mental note of it. This happens to me more often than most people...I think. Mainly it's because I am hypersensitive to my surroundings and I take a lot of things in quickly. The absurdity of situations catches me off guard and I laugh out loud before I can catch myself. Anyway, I digress.

These first quotes are from Blue Shoes and Happiness, the 7th book in the No.1 Ladies Detective Agency Series:

"Happiness was an elusive thing. It had something to do with having beautiful shoes, sometimes; but it was about so much else. About a country. About a people. About having friends like this."

"When the rains came, of course, then everything would be different, and the brown which covered the land, the trees, the stunted grass, would be replaced by green, by growth, by tendrils stretching out, by leaves unfolding. It would happen so quickly that one might go to bed in a drought and wake up in a landscape of shimmering patches of water and cattle with skin washed sleek by the rain."

Stranger than Fiction:

"If a man knew he was going to die and still chose to do it, isn't that the kind of man you'd like to have around?"

Sarah Wright (sunday school teacher extraordinaire):

"who doesn't like stick on gems? I mean really..."

Me talking about the old Vancouver Canucks jersey:

"why the big 'V'? It's not even part of the name."

Norm:

"I'm so much like Jonah the book should be called Normah."

Rikk Watts talking about the Apostle Paul's use of the word we. Say it out loud, it'll make more sense:

"Now we're going to talk about the 'we'ness of Paul."

I honestly could go on and on because each day is filled with these glorious nuggets of poignancy and hilarity. May you all see each moment in a new light of beauty.

This picture is one I took while I walked through the city to meet some friends for a beer. another beautiful moment captured forever. Doesn't it make the ordinary extraordinary?

Monopoly Curse

A couple of months ago I wrote about playing Monopoly with my friends Dave and Karla. I wrote about how we had fun and how it was always fun although I lost all the time. I thought it was funny I never won. Those thoughts went through my head because I anticipated that that would change sooner rather than later. We started keeping a tally of wins and losses on the inside of the lid. Surely probability would dictate that I would win. Well.....i was wrong. Not even statistics can help the abysmal state of the world of Monopoly.

I have concluded that I have a curse when it comes to monopoly. Now for all of you who are hyperventilating because I've used the word curse (not a curse word!!) calm down. This is all in good fun. There are various curses in the gaming world. The Curse of the Bambino had kept the Boston Red Sox from winning the World Series since 1920 until 2004 when the curse was broken. The Billy Goat Curse has plagued the Chicago Cubs since 1945 when William "Billy Goat" Sianis was denied entrance to the stadium with his pet goat. He cast a goat curse on the Cubs and they haven't won a world series since then. The New York Rangers were under a 54 year curse until they beat our beloved Canucks in 1994. The list goes on and on. I want to name my curse but it's got to be good. Dave and Karla and I briefly discussed the idea of a mascot...what should it be?! Better yet, what should the prize be when the curse is finally broken?!! Any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated and fun!!

Blessed is she

It's always so amazing to me how so many great things can happen in such a short period of time. Over the course of this week I have had a picnic at the beach, dejunked my house, had the best BBQ chicken I have ever eaten in my life (outside of the chicken in Burundi of course!) rode my bike for the first time in a month, successfully put a central line into an extremely difficult vein and the list goes on and on. That of course was a terrible sentence but I hope you will forgive me!! The joy of the week culminated tonight when Dave and Karla and I walked to Safeway to buy ice cream. We each picked a flavor of Breyer's and then walked back to my place and ate tastings of each flavor, except Dave who had an enormous bowl full of all three flavors. I have loved every second of this week. It feels like I live in a dream world sometimes!! I'm so thrilled to know that so much more is coming. Hiking, Andrea's birthday, playing piano in church and so many things that I know nothing about yet!!

My life is blessed. Knowing Jesus in the midst of this blessing makes all of this that much richer. I honestly believe that the daily pleasures of life are sweeter, richer, more poignant in light of knowing Jesus. Everything is just... so much more. That's the only way i can say it.

Even when things are difficult and frustrating the experience of it all is so much richer. There seems to be meaning in the midst of that also. There is perspective and hope and joy and wealth (not in the monetary sense) in all of it.

"I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."-Jesus

brokenness

brokenness gets talked about a lot these days. how it's necessary, but hard and how we can't really be real without it. i've also thought about brokenness often, but ironically, spiritual and emotional brokenness has become more understandable in light of physical brokenness. this week i actually got through a whole work week without wearing my cast. yet at the end of each day my hand would ache reminding me that there was something not quite right. my hand needed to rest and be cared for. it needed to be paid attention to so that it can finish healing.

the soul is like that too. an ache exists within us to remind us that there is something that is not quite right. something needs to be healed. that ache remains until we take the time to rest and receive the care that is available to us. sometimes we need to be the source of healing for someone else's aching soul.

tonight i attended a photo exhibition on human rights in africa. marten youseff has his photos on display at the Vancouver Public Library until June 14th. there are also some articles he wrote while living in Africa. it was very moving for me, especially in light of just having been there. poignant pictures that capture the heart of the people he saw. stories that echo throughout that land but are still unique to the person telling it. pictures that could likely be replicated to a certain degree yet capturing a single moment that has now past. The pictures and the stories are a reminder that God is moving in this heart of mine. more importantly He is moving in the hearts of people who live on a continent thousands of kilometres from the comfort and excess of the life that i lead. He has not forgotten them as He has not forgotten us.

I hope my hand aches, ever so slightly, for a very long time.

increasing the possibility of niceties

People are really nice...especially when you're wearing a cast. Today i actually thought about keeping my cast well after my hand is healed so i can wear it on different occasions to increase the possibility of people being nice. It just seems that people are more likely to help you put the mangoes you just bought into your backpack if you have a broken hand or a broken anything! Silly i know but that's just the way i think sometimes.

In actuality people are usually nice if you're nice first. the problem is no one wants to be the first person to be nice so we all just walk around missing the possibility of being nice and experiencing niceness. I know I've thought "I'm sick of being the nice one." I also know that I have often been the 'not nice one'. But the reality is we are all called to love and that means being nice or at least kind...whether there's a cast involved or not.

Kind words are short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless-Mother Teresa

dichotomy

i returned to work today. after having spent the first half of the month in burundi visiting various health care centers, malnutrition centres, talking to people who live there and just watching their lives i was overwhelmed by our excess. walking through the doors of the hospital, knowing i was going to have everything i needed to care for patients and to teach students, was harder than i thought it would be. why? it makes no sense but i am changed and i must respond.


during one procedure i was assisting a coworker and i contaminated a package during the sterile set up. it was everything within me not to pretend i hadn't contaminated it...it felt so wasteful to discard the contaminated item...images of cots with no mattresses went through my head.

what do i do with the emotions inside of me? how do i respond? i do not have an answer...but i do know it is my responsibility to feed the poor, clothe the naked, care for the sick, visit the imprisoned and to love the lovely and unlovely alike. that is my calling and that will be my life whether that is within the borders of Canada or to the farthest reaches of the world. it is my everyday.

many more thoughts

7 hours of delay in ethiopia leads me to being in a swanky hotel in london writing this post in the "internet room". maybe one day i'll have a house that has an "internet room". no, i probably won't!! anyway, i digress.

at the end of the last post i said i would talk about chicken so here goes. when brandon and i and this other guy named normand went up country we went out for chicken. now i know what is going through your head...what's the big deal about that? well, you go and "preorder" your chicken in the afternoon...there is no electricity where you eat the chicken...the ambience is set by a flourescent light bulb run by a generator. the chicken comes in large pieces that you eat like a barbarian...every guy i know would love this experience. the chicken itself is great and you eat it with this sauce that is good too.

this past week, brandon and i were driven around by a very nice burundian man who without the holy spirit and the protection of God would have surely killed us both. we drove to many health care centres most of which did not have mattresses, let alone medications, or bandages etc. etc. etc. when asked about this i honestly don't know what to say. one man asked me what those places were like in comparison to canada...that is an unanswerable question at this point. if i ever hear anybody compare the Canadian health care system to a third world country again i think i'll scream. oh yeah, we also saw many churches, primary schools and secondary schools.

the highlight of the week was when we visited this one particular village. the leader of the place and all these others leaders met with us. we got to sit on the greatest couch i have ever seen. it would actually do it injustice to describe it. it was a lovely shade of green and had these crocheted doilies on each seat. the doilies are flourescent yellow and pink. brandon was wearing these pants that had velcro closures on the rear pockets. when he stood up he took the doilie with him. it was one of the funniest things i'd seen for a while. so there we were with these people who i couldn't communicate with and we laughed together. i loved it!!

finally, on wednesday afternoon we met with the bishop of Hope Africa University. they have a nursing program there. after this informational meeting i found myself agreeing to an interview with the board of directors the next afternoon. it looks as though i'll be exploring options about teaching in the new year in Africa. what is happening to my life?!

many thoughts

honestly i'm not sure where to start. we just returned from a 3 day trip up country. this is apparently the real africa, the heart of africa. there are many beautiful things. some of the foliage is the greenest you've ever seen. there are thousands of banana trees. the women where bright clothing; a neon orange that you can see from very far away. if you are child of the '80's think neon orange and turn it up a few notches.

on thursday afternoon we drove for a while on difficult roads. we were going to see trees that had been planted and to visit the Batwa. these people are the pygmy people of africa and according to brandon they are the most vulnerable of all Burundians who are very vulnerable on the whole. the Batwa village is comprised of 12 families. 11 men and 12 women. after we had been there for a while the man who was translating said, "they are used to brandon but they have never seen a muzungu lady before." that means that i am the first white woman these people have seen. i never thought i would ever say those words! when we first arrived one of the women had a baby and a toddler with her. i could see the toddler struggling to see me out of his right eye. as i looked closer i noticed his left eye was completely closed and his right eye was beginning to fail. it looked as though he had developed an eye infection a long time ago which had not been treated. this poor boy will now go blind. what do i do with that? i am still processing.

as we drive along roads, many, many children come out waving, yelling "muzungu, muzungu!!" i honestly feel as though i've waved at more people than the queen! but how can children not make you melt!

we also visited a malnutrition center. again sadness, but they are doing amazing work saving children who would not survive otherwise. one of the nurses there showed us around and explained the different stages the children go through before they are sent home again. their mothers are at the center with them. the hope is they will not have to return.

through various sources i have discovered it costs $90 per year to educate a nurse in this country. multiply that by four years and a fully qualified nurse is produced. $360 to educate someone to nurse their own people. that is crazy!! i'm sure i spend more than that on coffee alone in a year.

i know this is a lot of random information but there is so much more i could write. i'll save it for later or when i get home. this is an unbelievable experience....oh yeah i'll talk about the chicken another time!

holy hippos!

brandon and i had breakfast with a burundian man named Cassien. he told me the story of how he began Help Channel Burundi. it was inspiring and amazing. what God can do through one person is incredible. Cassien, himself, has 40 nieces and nephews orphaned by hiv/aids. he believed it was his responsibility to care for them and raise them. many of them are now having children of their own. through the prayers of others and a dream from God, Cassien started Help Channel Burundi; an organization that channels aid to the right places and people. it is always so good to hear others speak of how God has spoken to them and confirmed what he has said by bringing those things to pass. He really is a God who can do more than we can ask or imagine.

After breakfast brandon and i went to look for hippos. they were 20 feet off the shore! it was amazing. they were quite docile, so in order to rile them up brandon threw some rocks. yes, i know that sounds dumb, but it is what it is. brandon's good shot konked one of them right on the head. he went under he water pretty quickly which kind of made us both wonder where he was going. fortunately he didn't appear on the shore as hippos kill a lot of people here in africa. a pretty good first day i think!!

on my way

i just saw my hand surgeon who was pleased with the progress of my fracture. this is good news as i do last minute things to get ready to head to the airport later today to fly away to africa! i'm not sure what will greet me there. i do sense deep within my soul that my life is headed for some big changes. what form will those changes take? being on what feels like a precipice is both invigorating and scary. something in my soul is unsettled. i believe this is where i have a choice. do i run away from this because it seems difficult? or do i walk straight into it because it seems difficult? i have faith that i have been lead here for various reasons and in response to different situations. i know today, and each day following, will be punctuated by moment to moment revelations. may my heart be in such a state that i will respond accordingly. "now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be all the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20, 21

a touch and a word

yesterday afternoon 40 or so beautiful young women and one young man were pinned with twu's nursing school pin. it is always a pleasure to watch this ceremony as students and faculty recount the last four years. it is amazing to think that i have had even a small part in these people becoming who they are and what kind of nurses they are. as i watched the ceremony i took in some of the people in the audience. there was one young couple there to see their niece graduate. they have a son who is chronically ill and my friend cares for him in his home a few days a week. as i watched them it was amazing to think how they have been touched by the role of the nurse. i'm sure they carry around both positive and negative memories...but the power of a nurse is incredible.

after the ceremony my friend and i went to have coffee with another amazing couple. they have experienced more stress in their family than most people could handle. they talked a little about their son who died 9 years ago at the age of four. because i'm an icu nurse the dad was telling me about the most profound icu experience he had. he said, 'my son was so sick, i just put my head down and cried and the nurse came over put her hand on my shoulder and asked if i was okay.' out of all the experiences this is what he remembered. the touch and kind word of a complete stranger.

do we even comprehend how one word or action or lack thereof can impact a life? i don't think this applies just to nurses; i think we can all profoundly impact people everyday. it just takes opening our eyes and taking a risk and speaking words that may make us a little vulnerable. but the life it can bring to another soul is worth more than what it will cost us in the long run.

Jesus with skin on

Since breaking my hand I have been amazed at how my lovely friends have shown themselves to me. I have had people make me meals, watch movies with me, come over and play games with me, and take me out for coffee. I opened my door last night to a friend who had baked some cookies for me. It is most humbling to be in this position. I'm not good at asking for help and I pretty much need help to do everything right now. So when Louanne put jam on my toast and Bryan zipped up my jacket and Kim tied my shoes (all at different times!) I actually got teary. Not because I was sad, but because I was amazed again that these people choose to be part of my life and are willing to do such things. My heart is overwhelmed by love. Those friends who have taken time out to be "Jesus with skin on" are most amazing. And I love you all!

Jesus and hockey

they won!!!!!!!! it was so fabulous...I watched the hockey game with my small group...most of the people were okay with watching and others tolerated it. I loved it. Hockey and friends and Jesus all in one evening. Preambled by burgers BBQ'd by my friend Dave who is being merciful to me by making me food I can eat with one hand.

After the game we talked about Jesus and the resurrection and all of life...including game seven...came into a new perspective. Someone in small group asked if hockey was more important than Jesus when he arrived. At first I answered 'yes' to rile him up but I actually think that EVERYTHING is just better because of Jesus...including hockey.

this sucks!

i broke my hand!! i almost broke it 5 weeks ago falling off my bicycle. this time i tripped over myself...outside work...running to catch the light to cross the street. i effectively denied that my hand was broken for 18 hours. i just kept saying to myself "it'll feel better soon" as it got progressively bigger and more grey. I lectured this morning at the hospital and then got on the shuttle and went to the urgent care centre 'cause there's no way I'm sitting in emergency. the very lovely doctor had a hard time seeing the fracture 'cause there's so many bones in your hand. the comedic part of the experience was when I told him he could compare the new xrays to those I had taken 5 weeks ago! He kind of smirked at me...we had a moment. then he told me the half cast i have should stay on for 2 weeks but the bones won't heal for about 6 weeks...I think a week should be fine! (by the way, i typed this entire post with my left hand)

yay for hockey!

Hockey is fabulous!! I will admit that things get a little crazy during the playoffs but really it's just a lot of fun. Tonight me and a few friends fired up the BBQ for the first time this year and watched hockey. We had farmer sausage and other treats while we watched the Canucks take the lead in the series 2-1. We all decided that our favourite new player is Jannik Hansen...and he's not even on the three stars option on the CBC 3 stars website. My dad called periodically throughout the game and told us his predictions, which turned out to be true. The best was when he called at the end of the 3rd period and told us all to stay upbeat 'cause we were going to win! Here's to upbeatness!

Privilege

Each day I live I am pleasantly overwhelmed by how many people entrust me with the privilege of caring for them. In the last few days I have met an elderly Indian woman, an elderly Chinese man, a Scottish lady who's been married three times and who loves Rosie (why oh why?) a middle aged man who has recently become a paraplegic, an incredibly grumpy old man who used to be famous and a 35 year old drug addict...among many others. How incredible is that? Each of these people are unique and beautiful...and I met them and touched them and spoke with them. I even had the privilege of praying with one of them. My life overflows.

Not only that but there are people in my life who allow me the privilege of knowing them and who want to know me. The reciprocity of trust causes something beautiful to bloom. More beautiful than cherry blossoms (although they are pretty dang incredible!). This is when I realize the people I have surrounding me are amazing and valuable and need to be treated with utmost respect and awe. Not in a worshipping sense but in the sense of how precious another person is...and how amazingly precious friendship is. May I never underestimate or disregard the privilege of people whether it is for a fleeting moment or for many years to come.

I thirst

If you look closely at the picture to the left you can see the faint outline of the cross on a damp sidewalk. I was struck by this image as I walked across the Cambie Street Bridge with a friend this morning.

Last night a lovely group of people gathered to listen to Passio composed by Arvo Part and it was brilliant. The phrase that has stayed with me is "I thirst". The phrase was long, drawn out and thirsty. Jesus said, "I thirst" while He hung on the cross on Good Friday. As a friend and I were discussing this phrase we wondered when He actually spoke those words and according to The Gospel of John it was after He cried out, "My God, My God why have you forsaken me?" Up until this morning I took the phrase "I thirst" to mean that Jesus was just physically thirsty. Is it possible that He was speaking about so much more? Was He now actually thirsty to the depths of His soul? As thirsty as we are? As Jesus recognized that He was separated from the Father He thirst. This is where the thirstiness arises from. We need to be reconciled to the Father in order to have our thirst satisfied. Because Jesus cried out, "I thirst", and allowed Himself to thirst to the full extent of the word, I no longer have to. What a humbling, beautiful realization.

My professor

My prof at Regent is one of the funniest men and I'm going to miss him 'cause class is now done. Taking another class with him would be worth the $1300 just to see him do his little excited dance when he talks about something he's really passionate about. At times he'll say things that make me giggle like a 13 year old boy. Today he was talking about how, at times, he lacks humility. He was going on and on about all of the degrees he has and topped it all off with, "I get to the point where I think if I bend over you'll get a sunburn."

Then he started talking about Jesus and how we're supposed to live our lives according to the New Testament and everything was brought into perspective. Here are some nuggets from class:

"If you're not a generous person you probably don't know Jesus."

"If you're generous with your words you're probably generous with your money."

"If you look like Jesus in your suffering you're doing good and Jesus will use it in a redemptive way."

"The profound thing that changes the hearts of men is His unrelenting forgiveness."

"Live in the light of the second coming of Jesus because it really could be today."

"Environmental issues are moral issues and people who think they aren't don't know their bibles."

"If you have a special relationship with a teacher you also have special responsibilities."

"It's not what you know, it's whether you're willing to change."

"Our deepest ethical moments don't happen at the level of our intellect, they happen at the level of our emotions."

So, I could go on and on...but that's it for now. My heart is wrenched!